Kay.......RE: Bucket List- Jackie

[Guest guest]

Hi Kay,…thank you for the encouragement. I know I am loved and hopefully my children and grandchildren receive my love in the only ways I can give it. Unfortunately it’s not the only way I WANT to give it to them. I don’t get to see them very often because I can’t handle much noise or interaction with people, so I’m stuck either e-mailing or talking on the phone. I know they don’t understand why they can’t come and visit, but their energy is too much. Even if they don’t do much, just having them here gives off an energy surge that I’m not use to. It takes me a whole week or longer to recover from having anyone over. My senses are so heightened as it is, anything added to it causes an overload. I think that’s the hardest for me is not being able to at least have my g-kids over often. I remember the wonderful memories I had with my grandmother and we didn’t do much because she had arthritis, but just being with her was enough. See I can’t even do that because of my nerves being all @#%! up. I keep hoping that will change, so maybe it will. Thanks again,Hugs Jackie J From: MSersLife [mailto:MSersLife ] On Behalf Of WyldroseSent: Saturday, December 03, 2011 2:43 PMTo: MSersLife Subject: Re: Bucket List- Jackie I don’t post much, but I read, and I would miss you. I recently got a second chance and talking to people, even when I thought I hadn’t made a difference, the small things I said and did really made a difference to a lot of people. Please know that you are cherished. Kay From: Jackie H Sent: Saturday, December 03, 2011 12:59 AMTo: MSersLife Subject: RE: Bucket List- Jackie I know that sounded a little fatalistic, but if people knew just how miserable my life is they too would want the same thing. It’s not like I’m going to make it happen, but I can’t imagine another 10 yrs. of living like this. After a while you get to the point when you say enough is enough. How much longer and more can one person take? My whole life use to consist of “doing†for others, and being on the go, and always having several irons in the fire, and I thrived living such an active life. Little by little all of that has been taken from me. Maybe it’s the menopausal hormones talking, or MS depression, but I’m tired of not having a life, and no one but really all of you here to talk to and be my friends. I sure do appreciate that. And yes there are things I am thankful for, and I am grateful for what I do have. It’s just that I never imagined my life living in chronic pain, and with so many disabilities to deal with on a daily basis. So yes in 10 yrs. I will be happy to be with Jesus because then I’ll have a pain free AND new body. My good arm looks like it may be a chronic pain condition too, so typing is going to be difficult, because I have a hard time not typing a lot to say. So I will probably try that Dragon speak eventually. I could go on and expound on my misery, but I don’t want to bring everyone down. Hopefully this depression will cycle and I’ll see things a little brighter soon. Hugs Jackie