Fwd: Universal Healing The Daily Humorscope

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Subject: Universal Healing The Daily Humorscope

 

Aries (March 21 - April 19) No news is not good news, today. In fact, no news is at best mediocre news. Taurus (April 20 - May 20) You will discover that you can see people's auras today, if you squint. That should be done in moderation, however, as many people object to being squinted at.

Gemini (May 21 - June 20) Today is the 1,750,000-year aniversary of the invention of hand tools! (The original hand tool was the Oldovan Chopper, commonly made of chipped flint, and originally sold under the Sears Craftsman label.) Celebrate by getting out there and banging some rocks together!

Cancer (June 21 - July 22) Try not to be too impulsive, today. Ask youself if you really need that howitzer, or if you just think it'd be fun to have. Leo (July 23 - August 22)

Your neighbor thinks his dog is so smart, it's starting to bug you. The thing to do is cover a book with a book cover that says " Quantum Physics for Dogs " , and train your dog to lay next to it, along a pad of paper covered with scribbled equations and a chewed-on pencil...

Virgo (August 23 - September 22) You are at a turning point in your life. Turn left. Libra (September 23 - October 22) Try to praise in public and criticise in private. Just never, ever, criticise privates.

Scorpio (October 23 - November 21) Birds figure heavily in your day, today. My advice? Wear a hat. Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21) You will try to alleviate the boredom you feel by making something creative with twine. Fortunately, it will work, but you'll need a lot of twine.

Capricorn (December 22 - January 20) You will have a trifle too much punch at a party this week, and will amuse the other guests by flopping around on the floor an making " Ark! Ark! " sounds. But who cares? If they want to be stuffy, let 'em, I say.

Aquarius (January 21 - February 18) Excellent day to go into politics. Make up a new government position, such as " Regional Manager, Dept. of The Posterior " , and put up hundreds of posters of yourself. With any luck, it will be years before anyone notices that there is actually no such job.

Pisces (February 19 - March 20) You are about to get yourself into a bit of a jam. Strawberry, I think. http://www.humorscope.com/