Apartment move is off ... for now

June 16, 2004

Hi all,

My therapist advised yesterday against me moving now. My depression and other

problems are back. I feel that instead of having time to grieve, I am

packing, packing PACKING. This whole year has been bad. Then losing Bill. Losing

my

apartment of many years is the pits. But then, I realize that is my choice.

To lose Bill and my apartment of so many years, seems like too much. The new

lower rent by 300 bucks can wait. Or not. As my friends that was helping me

move thinks I am a little emotional -- just right now. With that in mind, we are

not canceling with her uncle the expected new landlord yet nor will I give

thirty days notice to the old landlord yet. That still gives me about 13 days to

finally decide.

The new apartment is in an upscale neighborhood and is near one good friend

who treats me like a sister. But, the apartment is on the < > floor. Here

at the old place, I am on the second floor and at times the stairs give me

grief. Yesterday I realized I would have two sets of stairs plus have to deal

with finding all new EDS doctors, etc. That part is really scary. To find EDS

doctors again. Perhaps that is why, my family therapist is saying, get my own

health checked out first. That means getting my various specialists to

conference each other about me.

I have a plan: One that started while caring for Bill. I LOST WEIGHT! I

appear to have lost 20 pounds, but it is only about 12. My leg circumference and

waist is thinner or rather instead of wearing size 18, size 16 is like a sack on

me. I know, I am losing clothes sizes. Well, the doctor liked that. Since I

am only 5.4 " and weigh 178-180 pounds. On paper that is still way too much for

my height. I have < > weighted MUCH more than I look. The doctor

yesterday said I look like I weigh 150 pounds or so. But, getting down to 160,

to me

will be a miracle. And who knows, it is MHO that perhaps, my baseline BP will

drop.

To me, if I am not so called " sick, " but just an EDSer, I wish to be as I was

about twenty years ago. :-D. And the major difference other then obvious age

and a few surgeries :-D is I got << >>. Well, it is back to sorting papers

for this apartment and enjoying my yummy apple soymilk. Caro.

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