To Regina - re: divorce etc.

June 19, 2004

Dear Regina . . . Very sorry to hear your life has become overwhelming

with your illness, the divorce, and worries about your grandson. This

little boy has had big losses in his young life but he does have you,

his mom, and now his new stepdad. Sounds as if your ex is not helping

you or the boy. Maybe it would be better if he did leave. Kids have a

way of knowing what's going on even if we think they don't understand.

Counseling may help you and your grandson. I was divorced after a 28

year marriage so I understand the pain. With lupus you need a peaceful

household which is impossible to achieve with an angry, mentally abusive

person living there. I had good counseling (believe me it's worth the

expense when your mind is frozen and you can't make a decision), and I

also joined a 12 step program because my ex was/is a heavy drinker along

with most members of my family of origin. This program helped

tremendously. And so did counseling.

Right now your health is a high priority. Stick with this Lupie

group and stay in touch with your doctors. Years ago lupus was a death

sentence but not anymore! Treatments are hugely improved and the

disease itself is better understood. Be gentle with yourself and take

things one small step at a time and concentrate on the day at hand. We

can't know the future but today is open for good choices. Take a walk

with your grandson. Hold his hand while you look at the summer flowers,

trees, bugs, clouds, people, dogs, and anything else interesting. I

used to just sit on the porch and look at the natural beauty of things

when I couldn't do one more thing pertaining to my problems which seemed

entirely overwhelming. Sort of a time-out. Deep breathing helps too.

Be of good cheer. There are many people pulling for you and I'm one

of them.

Lots of love, C.

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