Guest guest Posted June 23, 2004 Report Share Posted June 23, 2004 a, Thanks for the kindness. You have no idea how much I appreciate it. I know that my life as I knew it is all over, and deep down, I really don't want him back. I know this is the right thing for both of us. I think I'm finally getting over the initial shock, and now I'm starting to feel a pain so deep that it feels like I won't survive it. I know I will, but it doesn't feel that way. I started therapy last night...I get it free through work. I have so much self work to do..and to be honest, right now, I just really don't want to do it. It's going to be hard, and I just want my security back. My brother is coming tomorrow to stay with me till Sunday afternoon. I just have to get through one more night alone in the house. Going to work is hard...I literally have to just keep breathing and go outside or to the bathroom to cry. Going home is worse. I walk into an empty house that is full of " our " things...each one with the memory of how carefully it was chosen and how we shared it. Everywhere I look are echos of times we had together. I took care of him, and he left me to go stay with his folks who now take care of him. I have no one taking care of me, and I don't really know how to take care of myself since my life has been taking care of him. I lost me in our relationship...and that's why it's good that this happened. I'm 41 and I don't know who I am, what I want, how I fit in the world, or even how to console myself. I have much to do and learn, and it's very frightening. I'm reaching out to everyone I can since that's all I know to do. Please pray that I'll have some relief from the constant turmoil in my heart. Pray that I have some relief from the overwhelming fear. And above all, pray that I get through this without a bad flare. > Darn it , that just makes me so sad for you! I haven't checked my mail > for a couple of days so when I read your first message I didn't respond > thinking that surely by the time I had read it that he would have come to his right > mind and would be home. I am so so very sorry. Remember, day or night, there is > usually someone in our lupie world e-mailing here, use us please. We WANT to > help you because we care. Do you want us to pray for him to come home, or do > you want to just have the peace of mind to be able to let go and find someone > even kinder? What ever you want, you got it. > a Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 26, 2004 Report Share Posted June 26, 2004 Hope you got some rest a. Yes they had a hot tub. Hot tub and pool. It was soooo nice. It was nice getting away. More so for hubby than me to be honest. Since I'm still working a full time job it is a joy for me to just be home. We did have a good time though and it is nice to be home. I'll get some wash done up today and maybe work some in the flower beds. I hurt like the dikkens and I'm not sure what I can actually get done. I kinda over did things before going away. The Momma (Deanna) has already chewed me out!!! barb azToy2@... wrote: Have a great trip, do you know if they have a hot tub?? lol. We didn't get home from vacation bible school until 10:00 tonight and baby Keyone just now finally went to sleep. It's after midnight, and we have to get up early for Freddies therapy. We have so much fun at these every year but I sure am glad it's only once a year, my butt is dragging and it's only Wed. Again, have a relaxing trip!a "The LUPIES Store" Come check out our store...http://www.cafepress.com/thelupies"The LUPIES Web Page"http://www.itzarion.com/lupusgroup.html"The LUPIES online photo albums!" Check out what your fellow Lupies look like...http://www.picturetrail.com/lupies __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 8, 2004 Report Share Posted July 8, 2004 Barb, it's funny that you said that because I came home last night and I guess they had given me more morphine than I thought so when it didn't hurt to much I started cleaning and overdid it. Had to go back to the DR today and get one of the incisions taken care of and some antibiotics. Now I am doing what they said.Except for tomorrow because I have four appointments involving the kids and they are all very important. a Good to hear from you kiddo. Now, you MUST mind the doctor's orders. It is important that you don't overdo it. Listen the the Grandma. (Deanna can be the Momma, me, I'm the Gramma) barb Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 8, 2004 Report Share Posted July 8, 2004 Barb, it's funny that you said that because I came home last night and I guess they had given me more morphine than I thought so when it didn't hurt to much I started cleaning and overdid it. Had to go back to the DR today and get one of the incisions taken care of and some antibiotics. Now I am doing what they said.Except for tomorrow because I have four appointments involving the kids and they are all very important. a Good to hear from you kiddo. Now, you MUST mind the doctor's orders. It is important that you don't overdo it. Listen the the Grandma. (Deanna can be the Momma, me, I'm the Gramma) barb Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 23, 2004 Report Share Posted July 23, 2004 In a message dated 7/23/2004 5:20:51 PM US Mountain Standard Time, bholkins@... writes Sorry Barb. It's just that we have two HUGE court dates on the 2nd of August and I am just so very scared that we are going to lose either Josh or Keyone and Freddie or even all three. We have had them for such a long time and now for the past week I am having the worst pain since they put me on the avinza. We took the new baby to the DR today and they helped me scrape all of the dirt that was caked under his little finger nails. How does a one month old baby have that? His little nails are so tiny that I was scared of tearing them so the nurse just kept wiping them with alcohol wipes. He also has huge blisters from a bad diaper rash. I just feel so bad for him and it also makes me wonder how many are out there suffering that no one comes to rescue. I have never needed to take anything for depression but I think it might be time to talk about it. Our anniversary is on Monday and I have this incredible husband and family, am at least healthy enough to do something that we are passionate about with the extra babies and still am terribly sad all the time lately. I like cheddar cheese with my whine okay? lol a Hey, hey, hey, what's with this depression thing? You can't change the whole world but you are excellent at changing the world of very needy children. That is your contribution and you do it well. I don't want any more of the sad stuff, ok? Love these babies and help them like only you can do. hugs just for you barb Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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