Is This a Life Worth Living?

[Guest guest]

Hello to Everyone:

I am new to the group and apologize for the subject line, but the

subject is on my mind, and I would value any input from those of you

who have been through the adjustment stage of life before FMS and

accepting the fact that you will be living with it for the rest of

your life.

I am sure my story is not much different than most in that before FMS

I was active, glad to wake up each morning, passionate about my life -

being a wife, mother, friend to those I love, weaving, painting,

drawing, and several other artistic fields of endeavor. Heck, I

even enjoyed doing the laundry - Okay, maybe not the laundry...but I

was glad to be serving my family and friends and being an active

participant in their lives.

I have now been in bed for the better part of 13 months.

A good day for me is when I can spend 2 to 3 hours (maximum) out of

bed (but only if I take breaks) I can no longer move without

stopping to rest about every 20 to 30 minutes or I will pay for it

big time if I don't. And although this may not sound like a great

life to some, I believe I had finally accepted that my life would be

much less active, but still worth living.

However, for the last three and a half weeks I have had only

two " good " days. The others were spent in bed in great pain (is

that an oxymoron?). I usually deal with it emotionally and mentally

rather well considering, but whatever brought this " flare " about has

me in a mental and emotional state that I have not yet experienced.

I've asked my doctor (who is a wonderful person and very good MD)

when I should start worrying about being suicidal. His response

was, " Pam, if you start thinking about how to do it, don't wait to

contact me. "

Well, (at this point in the situation) I would not kill myself

because of what it would do to my husband and our children. We have

two teenage boys who are 18 and 16 years of age. Our house is full

of love and laughter - even on my worst days, and for that I have

been very grateful.

But during this past week I have been asking myself at what

point do I become more of a hindrance than a " help " to my family. I

have a very good relationship with my husband and both our sons, but

for the past 13 months 95% of these relationships have been spent in

my bedroom due to the fact that I can't get out of the bed because

even sitting up for more than 30 minutes brings about a level of pain

in my hips that is close to unbearable.

Although I'm sure it doesn't sound like it, my frame of mind is

usually upbeat (thank goodness for anti-depressants!!), and up until

this flare I have been very glad to be alive. But for almost a month

now I feel as though I will never have another " good " day. And,

damn, if a good day is only three hours of being able to be out of my

bed, what do I have to look forward to? What kind of life can I look

forward to living? How do I ask my husband to continue living with a

person who can't go out for dinner, sit through a movie, go to

amusement parks, share a romantic get-away, etc? He is only 42 - why

should his life be " less " because I suffer with this illness? I

could go on and on, but I think you understand my feelings by now.

I know this must sound very melodramatic and for that I apologize,

but I do not know how to handle the adjustment I have to make in

order to accept living with FMS. I have read that dealing with a

chronic illness usually requires one to go through the stages of

grief. How does one move from the depression part of this process to

the acceptance of living a life full of pain?

I sought out a psychiatrist for help in getting through this, but our

health insurance will not cover it, and since I had to quit working

in March of 2001 due to FMS, we barely make ends meet; and I do not

meet the " requirements " for free treatment.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this post. I will be

very grateful for any help you might be able to give.

With love and kindness,

Pam

[Guest guest]

hi~ oh pam, i am so sorry. i am 20 years old and was

dx with fibro a couple of months ago. i was also

diagnosed with CFS and a variety of other things about

a year ago. i feel like you do, why should i go on

when i can't do the things that i enjoy? i am only

20, i should be out and enjoying my life. i get

suicidal from time to time but then i think about all

the things i can accomplish while i'm in bed. i can

write a book or poems, i can be an environmental

advocate, i can take classes online, there's so much

that can be done my fiance is helping me to get

through this awful time. lean on your husband, i'm

sure he understands. i've found that instead of going

out we can rent a movie and cuddle up on the couch, or

make a dinner and have it together at our own house.

i know that right now it seems like you can't go on,

but you can. if you had been able to read some of my

past posts you'll find that i have been super

depressed, and still am, but helping others makes me

feel so much better. there are so many great people

out there who are in the same boats as us and they are

making it through it i hope this helped a little

and feel free to email me privately at

abbuttercup55@... if you would like

(((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))

ali

--- thisbeautifulsoul thisbeautifulsoul@...>

wrote:

> Hello to Everyone:

>

> I am new to the group and apologize for the subject

> line, but the

> subject is on my mind, and I would value any input

> from those of you

> who have been through the adjustment stage of life

> before FMS and

> accepting the fact that you will be living with it

> for the rest of

> your life.

>

> I am sure my story is not much different than most

> in that before FMS

> I was active, glad to wake up each morning,

> passionate about my life -

> being a wife, mother, friend to those I love,

> weaving, painting,

> drawing, and several other artistic fields of

> endeavor. Heck, I

> even enjoyed doing the laundry - Okay, maybe not the

> laundry...but I

> was glad to be serving my family and friends and

> being an active

> participant in their lives.

>

> I have now been in bed for the better part of 13

> months.

>

> A good day for me is when I can spend 2 to 3 hours

> (maximum) out of

> bed (but only if I take breaks) I can no longer

> move without

> stopping to rest about every 20 to 30 minutes or I

> will pay for it

> big time if I don't. And although this may not

> sound like a great

> life to some, I believe I had finally accepted that

> my life would be

> much less active, but still worth living.

>

> However, for the last three and a half weeks I have

> had only

> two " good " days. The others were spent in bed in

> great pain (is

> that an oxymoron?). I usually deal with it

> emotionally and mentally

> rather well considering, but whatever brought this

> " flare " about has

> me in a mental and emotional state that I have not

> yet experienced.

>

> I've asked my doctor (who is a wonderful person and

> very good MD)

> when I should start worrying about being suicidal.

> His response

> was, " Pam, if you start thinking about how to do it,

> don't wait to

> contact me. "

>

> Well, (at this point in the situation) I would not

> kill myself

> because of what it would do to my husband and our

> children. We have

> two teenage boys who are 18 and 16 years of age.

> Our house is full

> of love and laughter - even on my worst days, and

> for that I have

> been very grateful.

>

> But during this past week I have been asking myself

> at what

> point do I become more of a hindrance than a " help "

> to my family. I

> have a very good relationship with my husband and

> both our sons, but

> for the past 13 months 95% of these relationships

> have been spent in

> my bedroom due to the fact that I can't get out of

> the bed because

> even sitting up for more than 30 minutes brings

> about a level of pain

> in my hips that is close to unbearable.

>

> Although I'm sure it doesn't sound like it, my frame

> of mind is

> usually upbeat (thank goodness for

> anti-depressants!!), and up until

> this flare I have been very glad to be alive. But

> for almost a month

> now I feel as though I will never have another

> " good " day. And,

> damn, if a good day is only three hours of being

> able to be out of my

> bed, what do I have to look forward to? What kind

> of life can I look

> forward to living? How do I ask my husband to

> continue living with a

> person who can't go out for dinner, sit through a

> movie, go to

> amusement parks, share a romantic get-away, etc? He

> is only 42 - why

> should his life be " less " because I suffer with this

> illness? I

> could go on and on, but I think you understand my

> feelings by now.

>

> I know this must sound very melodramatic and for

> that I apologize,

> but I do not know how to handle the adjustment I

> have to make in

> order to accept living with FMS. I have read that

> dealing with a

> chronic illness usually requires one to go through

> the stages of

> grief. How does one move from the depression part

> of this process to

> the acceptance of living a life full of pain?

>

> I sought out a psychiatrist for help in getting

> through this, but our

> health insurance will not cover it, and since I had

> to quit working

> in March of 2001 due to FMS, we barely make ends

> meet; and I do not

> meet the " requirements " for free treatment.

>

> Thank you so much for taking the time to read this

> post. I will be

> very grateful for any help you might be able to

> give.

>

> With love and kindness,

> Pam

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

hi~ oh pam, i am so sorry. i am 20 years old and was

dx with fibro a couple of months ago. i was also

diagnosed with CFS and a variety of other things about

a year ago. i feel like you do, why should i go on

when i can't do the things that i enjoy? i am only

20, i should be out and enjoying my life. i get

suicidal from time to time but then i think about all

the things i can accomplish while i'm in bed. i can

write a book or poems, i can be an environmental

advocate, i can take classes online, there's so much

that can be done my fiance is helping me to get

through this awful time. lean on your husband, i'm

sure he understands. i've found that instead of going

out we can rent a movie and cuddle up on the couch, or

make a dinner and have it together at our own house.

i know that right now it seems like you can't go on,

but you can. if you had been able to read some of my

past posts you'll find that i have been super

depressed, and still am, but helping others makes me

feel so much better. there are so many great people

out there who are in the same boats as us and they are

making it through it i hope this helped a little

and feel free to email me privately at

abbuttercup55@... if you would like

(((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))

ali

--- thisbeautifulsoul thisbeautifulsoul@...>

wrote:

> Hello to Everyone:

>

> I am new to the group and apologize for the subject

> line, but the

> subject is on my mind, and I would value any input

> from those of you

> who have been through the adjustment stage of life

> before FMS and

> accepting the fact that you will be living with it

> for the rest of

> your life.

>

> I am sure my story is not much different than most

> in that before FMS

> I was active, glad to wake up each morning,

> passionate about my life -

> being a wife, mother, friend to those I love,

> weaving, painting,

> drawing, and several other artistic fields of

> endeavor. Heck, I

> even enjoyed doing the laundry - Okay, maybe not the

> laundry...but I

> was glad to be serving my family and friends and

> being an active

> participant in their lives.

>

> I have now been in bed for the better part of 13

> months.

>

> A good day for me is when I can spend 2 to 3 hours

> (maximum) out of

> bed (but only if I take breaks) I can no longer

> move without

> stopping to rest about every 20 to 30 minutes or I

> will pay for it

> big time if I don't. And although this may not

> sound like a great

> life to some, I believe I had finally accepted that

> my life would be

> much less active, but still worth living.

>

> However, for the last three and a half weeks I have

> had only

> two " good " days. The others were spent in bed in

> great pain (is

> that an oxymoron?). I usually deal with it

> emotionally and mentally

> rather well considering, but whatever brought this

> " flare " about has

> me in a mental and emotional state that I have not

> yet experienced.

>

> I've asked my doctor (who is a wonderful person and

> very good MD)

> when I should start worrying about being suicidal.

> His response

> was, " Pam, if you start thinking about how to do it,

> don't wait to

> contact me. "

>

> Well, (at this point in the situation) I would not

> kill myself

> because of what it would do to my husband and our

> children. We have

> two teenage boys who are 18 and 16 years of age.

> Our house is full

> of love and laughter - even on my worst days, and

> for that I have

> been very grateful.

>

> But during this past week I have been asking myself

> at what

> point do I become more of a hindrance than a " help "

> to my family. I

> have a very good relationship with my husband and

> both our sons, but

> for the past 13 months 95% of these relationships

> have been spent in

> my bedroom due to the fact that I can't get out of

> the bed because

> even sitting up for more than 30 minutes brings

> about a level of pain

> in my hips that is close to unbearable.

>

> Although I'm sure it doesn't sound like it, my frame

> of mind is

> usually upbeat (thank goodness for

> anti-depressants!!), and up until

> this flare I have been very glad to be alive. But

> for almost a month

> now I feel as though I will never have another

> " good " day. And,

> damn, if a good day is only three hours of being

> able to be out of my

> bed, what do I have to look forward to? What kind

> of life can I look

> forward to living? How do I ask my husband to

> continue living with a

> person who can't go out for dinner, sit through a

> movie, go to

> amusement parks, share a romantic get-away, etc? He

> is only 42 - why

> should his life be " less " because I suffer with this

> illness? I

> could go on and on, but I think you understand my

> feelings by now.

>

> I know this must sound very melodramatic and for

> that I apologize,

> but I do not know how to handle the adjustment I

> have to make in

> order to accept living with FMS. I have read that

> dealing with a

> chronic illness usually requires one to go through

> the stages of

> grief. How does one move from the depression part

> of this process to

> the acceptance of living a life full of pain?

>

> I sought out a psychiatrist for help in getting

> through this, but our

> health insurance will not cover it, and since I had

> to quit working

> in March of 2001 due to FMS, we barely make ends

> meet; and I do not

> meet the " requirements " for free treatment.

>

> Thank you so much for taking the time to read this

> post. I will be

> very grateful for any help you might be able to

> give.

>

> With love and kindness,

> Pam

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

hi~ oh pam, i am so sorry. i am 20 years old and was

dx with fibro a couple of months ago. i was also

diagnosed with CFS and a variety of other things about

a year ago. i feel like you do, why should i go on

when i can't do the things that i enjoy? i am only

20, i should be out and enjoying my life. i get

suicidal from time to time but then i think about all

the things i can accomplish while i'm in bed. i can

write a book or poems, i can be an environmental

advocate, i can take classes online, there's so much

that can be done my fiance is helping me to get

through this awful time. lean on your husband, i'm

sure he understands. i've found that instead of going

out we can rent a movie and cuddle up on the couch, or

make a dinner and have it together at our own house.

i know that right now it seems like you can't go on,

but you can. if you had been able to read some of my

past posts you'll find that i have been super

depressed, and still am, but helping others makes me

feel so much better. there are so many great people

out there who are in the same boats as us and they are

making it through it i hope this helped a little

and feel free to email me privately at

abbuttercup55@... if you would like

(((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))

ali

--- thisbeautifulsoul thisbeautifulsoul@...>

wrote:

> Hello to Everyone:

>

> I am new to the group and apologize for the subject

> line, but the

> subject is on my mind, and I would value any input

> from those of you

> who have been through the adjustment stage of life

> before FMS and

> accepting the fact that you will be living with it

> for the rest of

> your life.

>

> I am sure my story is not much different than most

> in that before FMS

> I was active, glad to wake up each morning,

> passionate about my life -

> being a wife, mother, friend to those I love,

> weaving, painting,

> drawing, and several other artistic fields of

> endeavor. Heck, I

> even enjoyed doing the laundry - Okay, maybe not the

> laundry...but I

> was glad to be serving my family and friends and

> being an active

> participant in their lives.

>

> I have now been in bed for the better part of 13

> months.

>

> A good day for me is when I can spend 2 to 3 hours

> (maximum) out of

> bed (but only if I take breaks) I can no longer

> move without

> stopping to rest about every 20 to 30 minutes or I

> will pay for it

> big time if I don't. And although this may not

> sound like a great

> life to some, I believe I had finally accepted that

> my life would be

> much less active, but still worth living.

>

> However, for the last three and a half weeks I have

> had only

> two " good " days. The others were spent in bed in

> great pain (is

> that an oxymoron?). I usually deal with it

> emotionally and mentally

> rather well considering, but whatever brought this

> " flare " about has

> me in a mental and emotional state that I have not

> yet experienced.

>

> I've asked my doctor (who is a wonderful person and

> very good MD)

> when I should start worrying about being suicidal.

> His response

> was, " Pam, if you start thinking about how to do it,

> don't wait to

> contact me. "

>

> Well, (at this point in the situation) I would not

> kill myself

> because of what it would do to my husband and our

> children. We have

> two teenage boys who are 18 and 16 years of age.

> Our house is full

> of love and laughter - even on my worst days, and

> for that I have

> been very grateful.

>

> But during this past week I have been asking myself

> at what

> point do I become more of a hindrance than a " help "

> to my family. I

> have a very good relationship with my husband and

> both our sons, but

> for the past 13 months 95% of these relationships

> have been spent in

> my bedroom due to the fact that I can't get out of

> the bed because

> even sitting up for more than 30 minutes brings

> about a level of pain

> in my hips that is close to unbearable.

>

> Although I'm sure it doesn't sound like it, my frame

> of mind is

> usually upbeat (thank goodness for

> anti-depressants!!), and up until

> this flare I have been very glad to be alive. But

> for almost a month

> now I feel as though I will never have another

> " good " day. And,

> damn, if a good day is only three hours of being

> able to be out of my

> bed, what do I have to look forward to? What kind

> of life can I look

> forward to living? How do I ask my husband to

> continue living with a

> person who can't go out for dinner, sit through a

> movie, go to

> amusement parks, share a romantic get-away, etc? He

> is only 42 - why

> should his life be " less " because I suffer with this

> illness? I

> could go on and on, but I think you understand my

> feelings by now.

>

> I know this must sound very melodramatic and for

> that I apologize,

> but I do not know how to handle the adjustment I

> have to make in

> order to accept living with FMS. I have read that

> dealing with a

> chronic illness usually requires one to go through

> the stages of

> grief. How does one move from the depression part

> of this process to

> the acceptance of living a life full of pain?

>

> I sought out a psychiatrist for help in getting

> through this, but our

> health insurance will not cover it, and since I had

> to quit working

> in March of 2001 due to FMS, we barely make ends

> meet; and I do not

> meet the " requirements " for free treatment.

>

> Thank you so much for taking the time to read this

> post. I will be

> very grateful for any help you might be able to

> give.

>

> With love and kindness,

> Pam

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

WOW!! I feel i have just read my own thoughts from someone else's

keyboard..........I am having a really hard time dealing with the

acceptance part of FMS. How do you do it??? That is what I want to

know. Yes, i try to stay upbeat and I still take care of my family,

but when do I get to say ENOUGH and get on with life without having to

limit myself so much????? I want to return to my job, I want to hop

in the car and visit, I want to do the things I should be doing and

not what I CAN do......I know there are those much worse than me, and

my heart goes out to them, but each and every one of us is a person

and we are " trained " to blow off ailments and when we can't it gets

frustrating. I really look up to you Pam, I am not bedridden, but I

do not go out in public because there are too many questions and I get

so exhausted. My job is on hold for a few more months, then they can

replace me and the computer is my best friend. I think I may be going

through the angry stage right now, because i keep trying to push

myself.....who knows?? but I do wonder the same thing and I do believe

that there are stages(deep down), but i also am having trouble

coping...i am here for you when you need someone, so just give a

shout...tara

> Hello to Everyone:

>

> I am new to the group and apologize for the subject line, but the

> subject is on my mind, and I would value any input from those of you

> who have been through the adjustment stage of life before FMS and

> accepting the fact that you will be living with it for the rest of

> your life.

>

> I am sure my story is not much different than most in that before

FMS

> I was active, glad to wake up each morning, passionate about my life

-

> being a wife, mother, friend to those I love, weaving, painting,

> drawing, and several other artistic fields of endeavor. Heck, I

> even enjoyed doing the laundry - Okay, maybe not the laundry...but I

> was glad to be serving my family and friends and being an active

> participant in their lives.

>

> I have now been in bed for the better part of 13 months.

>

> A good day for me is when I can spend 2 to 3 hours (maximum) out of

> bed (but only if I take breaks) I can no longer move without

> stopping to rest about every 20 to 30 minutes or I will pay for it

> big time if I don't. And although this may not sound like a great

> life to some, I believe I had finally accepted that my life would be

> much less active, but still worth living.

>

> However, for the last three and a half weeks I have had only

> two " good " days. The others were spent in bed in great pain (is

> that an oxymoron?). I usually deal with it emotionally and mentally

> rather well considering, but whatever brought this " flare " about has

> me in a mental and emotional state that I have not yet experienced.

>

> I've asked my doctor (who is a wonderful person and very good MD)

> when I should start worrying about being suicidal. His response

> was, " Pam, if you start thinking about how to do it, don't wait to

> contact me. "

>

> Well, (at this point in the situation) I would not kill myself

> because of what it would do to my husband and our children. We have

> two teenage boys who are 18 and 16 years of age. Our house is full

> of love and laughter - even on my worst days, and for that I have

> been very grateful.

>

> But during this past week I have been asking myself at what

> point do I become more of a hindrance than a " help " to my family. I

> have a very good relationship with my husband and both our sons, but

> for the past 13 months 95% of these relationships have been spent in

> my bedroom due to the fact that I can't get out of the bed because

> even sitting up for more than 30 minutes brings about a level of

pain

> in my hips that is close to unbearable.

>

> Although I'm sure it doesn't sound like it, my frame of mind is

> usually upbeat (thank goodness for anti-depressants!!), and up until

> this flare I have been very glad to be alive. But for almost a

month

> now I feel as though I will never have another " good " day. And,

> damn, if a good day is only three hours of being able to be out of

my

> bed, what do I have to look forward to? What kind of life can I

look

> forward to living? How do I ask my husband to continue living with

a

> person who can't go out for dinner, sit through a movie, go to

> amusement parks, share a romantic get-away, etc? He is only 42 -

why

> should his life be " less " because I suffer with this illness? I

> could go on and on, but I think you understand my feelings by now.

>

> I know this must sound very melodramatic and for that I apologize,

> but I do not know how to handle the adjustment I have to make in

> order to accept living with FMS. I have read that dealing with a

> chronic illness usually requires one to go through the stages of

> grief. How does one move from the depression part of this process

to

> the acceptance of living a life full of pain?

>

> I sought out a psychiatrist for help in getting through this, but

our

> health insurance will not cover it, and since I had to quit working

> in March of 2001 due to FMS, we barely make ends meet; and I do not

> meet the " requirements " for free treatment.

>

> Thank you so much for taking the time to read this post. I will be

> very grateful for any help you might be able to give.

>

> With love and kindness,

> Pam

[Guest guest]

WOW!! I feel i have just read my own thoughts from someone else's

keyboard..........I am having a really hard time dealing with the

acceptance part of FMS. How do you do it??? That is what I want to

know. Yes, i try to stay upbeat and I still take care of my family,

but when do I get to say ENOUGH and get on with life without having to

limit myself so much????? I want to return to my job, I want to hop

in the car and visit, I want to do the things I should be doing and

not what I CAN do......I know there are those much worse than me, and

my heart goes out to them, but each and every one of us is a person

and we are " trained " to blow off ailments and when we can't it gets

frustrating. I really look up to you Pam, I am not bedridden, but I

do not go out in public because there are too many questions and I get

so exhausted. My job is on hold for a few more months, then they can

replace me and the computer is my best friend. I think I may be going

through the angry stage right now, because i keep trying to push

myself.....who knows?? but I do wonder the same thing and I do believe

that there are stages(deep down), but i also am having trouble

coping...i am here for you when you need someone, so just give a

shout...tara

> Hello to Everyone:

>

> I am new to the group and apologize for the subject line, but the

> subject is on my mind, and I would value any input from those of you

> who have been through the adjustment stage of life before FMS and

> accepting the fact that you will be living with it for the rest of

> your life.

>

> I am sure my story is not much different than most in that before

FMS

> I was active, glad to wake up each morning, passionate about my life

-

> being a wife, mother, friend to those I love, weaving, painting,

> drawing, and several other artistic fields of endeavor. Heck, I

> even enjoyed doing the laundry - Okay, maybe not the laundry...but I

> was glad to be serving my family and friends and being an active

> participant in their lives.

>

> I have now been in bed for the better part of 13 months.

>

> A good day for me is when I can spend 2 to 3 hours (maximum) out of

> bed (but only if I take breaks) I can no longer move without

> stopping to rest about every 20 to 30 minutes or I will pay for it

> big time if I don't. And although this may not sound like a great

> life to some, I believe I had finally accepted that my life would be

> much less active, but still worth living.

>

> However, for the last three and a half weeks I have had only

> two " good " days. The others were spent in bed in great pain (is

> that an oxymoron?). I usually deal with it emotionally and mentally

> rather well considering, but whatever brought this " flare " about has

> me in a mental and emotional state that I have not yet experienced.

>

> I've asked my doctor (who is a wonderful person and very good MD)

> when I should start worrying about being suicidal. His response

> was, " Pam, if you start thinking about how to do it, don't wait to

> contact me. "

>

> Well, (at this point in the situation) I would not kill myself

> because of what it would do to my husband and our children. We have

> two teenage boys who are 18 and 16 years of age. Our house is full

> of love and laughter - even on my worst days, and for that I have

> been very grateful.

>

> But during this past week I have been asking myself at what

> point do I become more of a hindrance than a " help " to my family. I

> have a very good relationship with my husband and both our sons, but

> for the past 13 months 95% of these relationships have been spent in

> my bedroom due to the fact that I can't get out of the bed because

> even sitting up for more than 30 minutes brings about a level of

pain

> in my hips that is close to unbearable.

>

> Although I'm sure it doesn't sound like it, my frame of mind is

> usually upbeat (thank goodness for anti-depressants!!), and up until

> this flare I have been very glad to be alive. But for almost a

month

> now I feel as though I will never have another " good " day. And,

> damn, if a good day is only three hours of being able to be out of

my

> bed, what do I have to look forward to? What kind of life can I

look

> forward to living? How do I ask my husband to continue living with

a

> person who can't go out for dinner, sit through a movie, go to

> amusement parks, share a romantic get-away, etc? He is only 42 -

why

> should his life be " less " because I suffer with this illness? I

> could go on and on, but I think you understand my feelings by now.

>

> I know this must sound very melodramatic and for that I apologize,

> but I do not know how to handle the adjustment I have to make in

> order to accept living with FMS. I have read that dealing with a

> chronic illness usually requires one to go through the stages of

> grief. How does one move from the depression part of this process

to

> the acceptance of living a life full of pain?

>

> I sought out a psychiatrist for help in getting through this, but

our

> health insurance will not cover it, and since I had to quit working

> in March of 2001 due to FMS, we barely make ends meet; and I do not

> meet the " requirements " for free treatment.

>

> Thank you so much for taking the time to read this post. I will be

> very grateful for any help you might be able to give.

>

> With love and kindness,

> Pam

[Guest guest]

WOW!! I feel i have just read my own thoughts from someone else's

keyboard..........I am having a really hard time dealing with the

acceptance part of FMS. How do you do it??? That is what I want to

know. Yes, i try to stay upbeat and I still take care of my family,

but when do I get to say ENOUGH and get on with life without having to

limit myself so much????? I want to return to my job, I want to hop

in the car and visit, I want to do the things I should be doing and

not what I CAN do......I know there are those much worse than me, and

my heart goes out to them, but each and every one of us is a person

and we are " trained " to blow off ailments and when we can't it gets

frustrating. I really look up to you Pam, I am not bedridden, but I

do not go out in public because there are too many questions and I get

so exhausted. My job is on hold for a few more months, then they can

replace me and the computer is my best friend. I think I may be going

through the angry stage right now, because i keep trying to push

myself.....who knows?? but I do wonder the same thing and I do believe

that there are stages(deep down), but i also am having trouble

coping...i am here for you when you need someone, so just give a

shout...tara

> Hello to Everyone:

>

> I am new to the group and apologize for the subject line, but the

> subject is on my mind, and I would value any input from those of you

> who have been through the adjustment stage of life before FMS and

> accepting the fact that you will be living with it for the rest of

> your life.

>

> I am sure my story is not much different than most in that before

FMS

> I was active, glad to wake up each morning, passionate about my life

-

> being a wife, mother, friend to those I love, weaving, painting,

> drawing, and several other artistic fields of endeavor. Heck, I

> even enjoyed doing the laundry - Okay, maybe not the laundry...but I

> was glad to be serving my family and friends and being an active

> participant in their lives.

>

> I have now been in bed for the better part of 13 months.

>

> A good day for me is when I can spend 2 to 3 hours (maximum) out of

> bed (but only if I take breaks) I can no longer move without

> stopping to rest about every 20 to 30 minutes or I will pay for it

> big time if I don't. And although this may not sound like a great

> life to some, I believe I had finally accepted that my life would be

> much less active, but still worth living.

>

> However, for the last three and a half weeks I have had only

> two " good " days. The others were spent in bed in great pain (is

> that an oxymoron?). I usually deal with it emotionally and mentally

> rather well considering, but whatever brought this " flare " about has

> me in a mental and emotional state that I have not yet experienced.

>

> I've asked my doctor (who is a wonderful person and very good MD)

> when I should start worrying about being suicidal. His response

> was, " Pam, if you start thinking about how to do it, don't wait to

> contact me. "

>

> Well, (at this point in the situation) I would not kill myself

> because of what it would do to my husband and our children. We have

> two teenage boys who are 18 and 16 years of age. Our house is full

> of love and laughter - even on my worst days, and for that I have

> been very grateful.

>

> But during this past week I have been asking myself at what

> point do I become more of a hindrance than a " help " to my family. I

> have a very good relationship with my husband and both our sons, but

> for the past 13 months 95% of these relationships have been spent in

> my bedroom due to the fact that I can't get out of the bed because

> even sitting up for more than 30 minutes brings about a level of

pain

> in my hips that is close to unbearable.

>

> Although I'm sure it doesn't sound like it, my frame of mind is

> usually upbeat (thank goodness for anti-depressants!!), and up until

> this flare I have been very glad to be alive. But for almost a

month

> now I feel as though I will never have another " good " day. And,

> damn, if a good day is only three hours of being able to be out of

my

> bed, what do I have to look forward to? What kind of life can I

look

> forward to living? How do I ask my husband to continue living with

a

> person who can't go out for dinner, sit through a movie, go to

> amusement parks, share a romantic get-away, etc? He is only 42 -

why

> should his life be " less " because I suffer with this illness? I

> could go on and on, but I think you understand my feelings by now.

>

> I know this must sound very melodramatic and for that I apologize,

> but I do not know how to handle the adjustment I have to make in

> order to accept living with FMS. I have read that dealing with a

> chronic illness usually requires one to go through the stages of

> grief. How does one move from the depression part of this process

to

> the acceptance of living a life full of pain?

>

> I sought out a psychiatrist for help in getting through this, but

our

> health insurance will not cover it, and since I had to quit working

> in March of 2001 due to FMS, we barely make ends meet; and I do not

> meet the " requirements " for free treatment.

>

> Thank you so much for taking the time to read this post. I will be

> very grateful for any help you might be able to give.

>

> With love and kindness,

> Pam

[Guest guest]

Pam writes,

> I am new to the group and apologize for the subject line, but the

> subject is on my mind, and I would value any input from those of you

> who have been through the adjustment stage of life before FMS and

> accepting the fact that you will be living with it for the rest of

> your life.

>

> I am not young so it was not as hard for me as for those much younger than

> me. I still, however, find it hard to cope some days. I did go through

> the part about thinking of sucide when I was diagnosed with tinnitus.

> Knowing that I was gooing to go through life with noises in my head was

> driving me crazy. i found out about TRT (tinnitus retraining theraphy) and

> that saved my life.

>

> I still, at times, fight fibro. I lose, however. I have learned how to be

> able to live with fibro most of the time. It has taken the rest of my life

> away from me but I still have a life left. Maybe I can't do all that I

> once did but I can still do some things. My doctor gave me Adderal for

> energy and fatigue. This helps a lot unless I am in a flare as I am now.

>

> I cook chili in chili cookoffs for fun. I cooked in one on Saturday and by

> the time I got home I was in so much pain that I could hardly walk. That

> pain is still with me but I did get a part of the house done and I was able

> to go to the store for a few things. But how long am I going to be able to

> go to cookoffs.

>

> I take morphine for pain and vicodon for breakthrough pain. I like to

> travel. I traveled all over Europe and spent at least 3 weeks every year

> in Great Britain. I am going to London with my daughter and granddaughters

> this July. This will probably be my last trip there. It is to hard on me

> flying overnight to get there.

>

> I can, however, go to mystery conventions and do some travel in the United

> States.

>

> What it boils down to is that I can't do the big things but I can do some

> of the small things and that will have to do. There is no sense in my

> crying over that part of my life that is gone but to make do with what i

> have.

>

> I have my books. Life is good to me that I have all of my books. I do

> things at home. I am lucky in that I have a cleaning lady that cleans and

> irons for me once a week. I do jigsaw puzzles and I watch Court TV. This

> are some of the small thing that are now a good part of my life. Things

> that are not hard on my body. I have just lately begin to do more cooking,

> trying new recipes which is one of the pleasures of life.

>

> To sum it all up. We can't do all or most of the things that we used to

> do. We have to learn things to do that we can and that give us pleasure.

>

> I feel sorry for the young ones. Those in there teens and 20s. Those are

> the one that are missing out on all of the things that they want to do and

> by rights should be able to do.

>

> I think that there will be a cure or at least a medication for fibro one

> day. I think that it will be after I am gone but for the young ones, there

> is a possibility that they may not have to live the rest of their life like

> they are now.

>

> I don't know if this answers your question but it is the best that I can

> do. Ye, life is worth living.

Take care,

Irene

Books may well be the only true magic

Alice Hoffman

[Guest guest]

Pam writes,

> I am new to the group and apologize for the subject line, but the

> subject is on my mind, and I would value any input from those of you

> who have been through the adjustment stage of life before FMS and

> accepting the fact that you will be living with it for the rest of

> your life.

>

> I am not young so it was not as hard for me as for those much younger than

> me. I still, however, find it hard to cope some days. I did go through

> the part about thinking of sucide when I was diagnosed with tinnitus.

> Knowing that I was gooing to go through life with noises in my head was

> driving me crazy. i found out about TRT (tinnitus retraining theraphy) and

> that saved my life.

>

> I still, at times, fight fibro. I lose, however. I have learned how to be

> able to live with fibro most of the time. It has taken the rest of my life

> away from me but I still have a life left. Maybe I can't do all that I

> once did but I can still do some things. My doctor gave me Adderal for

> energy and fatigue. This helps a lot unless I am in a flare as I am now.

>

> I cook chili in chili cookoffs for fun. I cooked in one on Saturday and by

> the time I got home I was in so much pain that I could hardly walk. That

> pain is still with me but I did get a part of the house done and I was able

> to go to the store for a few things. But how long am I going to be able to

> go to cookoffs.

>

> I take morphine for pain and vicodon for breakthrough pain. I like to

> travel. I traveled all over Europe and spent at least 3 weeks every year

> in Great Britain. I am going to London with my daughter and granddaughters

> this July. This will probably be my last trip there. It is to hard on me

> flying overnight to get there.

>

> I can, however, go to mystery conventions and do some travel in the United

> States.

>

> What it boils down to is that I can't do the big things but I can do some

> of the small things and that will have to do. There is no sense in my

> crying over that part of my life that is gone but to make do with what i

> have.

>

> I have my books. Life is good to me that I have all of my books. I do

> things at home. I am lucky in that I have a cleaning lady that cleans and

> irons for me once a week. I do jigsaw puzzles and I watch Court TV. This

> are some of the small thing that are now a good part of my life. Things

> that are not hard on my body. I have just lately begin to do more cooking,

> trying new recipes which is one of the pleasures of life.

>

> To sum it all up. We can't do all or most of the things that we used to

> do. We have to learn things to do that we can and that give us pleasure.

>

> I feel sorry for the young ones. Those in there teens and 20s. Those are

> the one that are missing out on all of the things that they want to do and

> by rights should be able to do.

>

> I think that there will be a cure or at least a medication for fibro one

> day. I think that it will be after I am gone but for the young ones, there

> is a possibility that they may not have to live the rest of their life like

> they are now.

>

> I don't know if this answers your question but it is the best that I can

> do. Ye, life is worth living.

Take care,

Irene

Books may well be the only true magic

Alice Hoffman

[Guest guest]

Pam,

I felt the way you did in December. I was majorly depressed and actually

considered suicide. My husband and I had a trip planned for Disney World. I

went in a wheelchair. I did no rides because I didn't have the energy to get

out of my wheelchair. I did watch a lot of shows and spent a good deal of time

talking to the sign language interpreters. I thought nothing would never get

better.

I let my Tupperware business all but die. I stopped subbing. I went to class

in a wheelchair because I wasn't going to stop and fail the class. I was in

constant pain.

Well there is always hope. I changed doctors. He changed my medications big

time. Am I pain free. Not at all but it is relieved enough I can deal with it.

I am using that wheelchair less and less. I went back to Disney in March and

even though I used the wheelchair in the parks, the interpreters saw how much

better I am doing. My Tupperware business is coming back. I'm subbing again

although not as much as I used to (limit to SPED classes that need a teacher who

can speak ASL or regular ed classes with deaf kids mainstreamed) I am taking 2

classes in interpreting next semester. And I just went to a regional Tupperware

meeting and one of the interpreters saw me walking for the first time.

An explaination about the interpreters: I am hard of hearing and use

interpreters in large group settings. I am an interpreter myself and am working

towards the day I get my certification. And I will , in spite of Fibro,

Osteoarthritis and Diabetes.

[Guest guest]

Pam,

I felt the way you did in December. I was majorly depressed and actually

considered suicide. My husband and I had a trip planned for Disney World. I

went in a wheelchair. I did no rides because I didn't have the energy to get

out of my wheelchair. I did watch a lot of shows and spent a good deal of time

talking to the sign language interpreters. I thought nothing would never get

better.

I let my Tupperware business all but die. I stopped subbing. I went to class

in a wheelchair because I wasn't going to stop and fail the class. I was in

constant pain.

Well there is always hope. I changed doctors. He changed my medications big

time. Am I pain free. Not at all but it is relieved enough I can deal with it.

I am using that wheelchair less and less. I went back to Disney in March and

even though I used the wheelchair in the parks, the interpreters saw how much

better I am doing. My Tupperware business is coming back. I'm subbing again

although not as much as I used to (limit to SPED classes that need a teacher who

can speak ASL or regular ed classes with deaf kids mainstreamed) I am taking 2

classes in interpreting next semester. And I just went to a regional Tupperware

meeting and one of the interpreters saw me walking for the first time.

An explaination about the interpreters: I am hard of hearing and use

interpreters in large group settings. I am an interpreter myself and am working

towards the day I get my certification. And I will , in spite of Fibro,

Osteoarthritis and Diabetes.

[Guest guest]

Pam,

I felt the way you did in December. I was majorly depressed and actually

considered suicide. My husband and I had a trip planned for Disney World. I

went in a wheelchair. I did no rides because I didn't have the energy to get

out of my wheelchair. I did watch a lot of shows and spent a good deal of time

talking to the sign language interpreters. I thought nothing would never get

better.

I let my Tupperware business all but die. I stopped subbing. I went to class

in a wheelchair because I wasn't going to stop and fail the class. I was in

constant pain.

Well there is always hope. I changed doctors. He changed my medications big

time. Am I pain free. Not at all but it is relieved enough I can deal with it.

I am using that wheelchair less and less. I went back to Disney in March and

even though I used the wheelchair in the parks, the interpreters saw how much

better I am doing. My Tupperware business is coming back. I'm subbing again

although not as much as I used to (limit to SPED classes that need a teacher who

can speak ASL or regular ed classes with deaf kids mainstreamed) I am taking 2

classes in interpreting next semester. And I just went to a regional Tupperware

meeting and one of the interpreters saw me walking for the first time.

An explaination about the interpreters: I am hard of hearing and use

interpreters in large group settings. I am an interpreter myself and am working

towards the day I get my certification. And I will , in spite of Fibro,

Osteoarthritis and Diabetes.

[Guest guest]

I've been wondering this a lot lately. My name is and I'm 23 years

old. I've been diagnosed for about seven years and am unable to work. I live

with my parents, who are thankfully very supportive. I have just about every

symptom there is, in addition to having a foot longer large instestine than is

normal. I'm currently on ambien, vicodin, claritin, prednisone (for carpal

tunnel) and birth control (for cysts.) My pain level has become unbareable

lately and my doctors have no idea what to do with me. They've tried me on

every antidepressant that they can think of and none have worked. Most of them

made my moods so irratic that it scared my parents. The last few weeks have

been very hard. I don't have any friends left offline, even family has turned

their backs on us. They think it's ridiculous that my parents " put up " with me.

I only have one or two online friends and even they are getting sick of hearing

about how much pain I am in. Yet, they get angry if I try to talk about other

things and avoid the subject of pain. I've been feeling very lost and alone

lately and very unsure of what to do. We just got notice that my internist is

moving his practice to Florida, so I will be losing him as well. I'm very

scared right now. I feel like I'm losing myself to this illness and it's a

battle I can't win. I hope I can make some friends here. I could definitely

use the support. I feel very much at the end of my rope.

---------------------------------

[Guest guest]

I've been wondering this a lot lately. My name is and I'm 23 years

old. I've been diagnosed for about seven years and am unable to work. I live

with my parents, who are thankfully very supportive. I have just about every

symptom there is, in addition to having a foot longer large instestine than is

normal. I'm currently on ambien, vicodin, claritin, prednisone (for carpal

tunnel) and birth control (for cysts.) My pain level has become unbareable

lately and my doctors have no idea what to do with me. They've tried me on

every antidepressant that they can think of and none have worked. Most of them

made my moods so irratic that it scared my parents. The last few weeks have

been very hard. I don't have any friends left offline, even family has turned

their backs on us. They think it's ridiculous that my parents " put up " with me.

I only have one or two online friends and even they are getting sick of hearing

about how much pain I am in. Yet, they get angry if I try to talk about other

things and avoid the subject of pain. I've been feeling very lost and alone

lately and very unsure of what to do. We just got notice that my internist is

moving his practice to Florida, so I will be losing him as well. I'm very

scared right now. I feel like I'm losing myself to this illness and it's a

battle I can't win. I hope I can make some friends here. I could definitely

use the support. I feel very much at the end of my rope.

---------------------------------

[Guest guest]

writes,

> I'm very scared right now. I feel like I'm losing myself to this illness

> and it's a battle I can't win. I hope I can make some friends here. I

> could definitely use the support. I feel very much at the end of my rope.

You will make friends here. This is a very friendly group of people. You

will also get as much support as you need.

Please don't be scared. You aren't losing yourself. This is a temporary

thing that we all have gone though at least once. Just grab on to that rope

and hang on until we are able to help you. We will help you, that I believe

and you will be glad that you hung on.

>

>

Take care,

Irene

Books may well be the only true magic

Alice Hoffman

[Guest guest]

I am new to this egroup but I already feel not as lonly. I have only been in

here a couple of weeks. So please just try very hard to have good thoughts

and anytime you need someone, dont hestitate for a moment to contact one of

us. I know I will help you.. been there, done that !!

Sherry

_________________________________________________________________

Chat with friends online, try MSN Messenger: http://messenger.msn.com

[Guest guest]

Welcome ,

It's good to know your parents support you in this wholeheartedly.

Hang on to that. So many ohters don't have that. I'm sorry to hear

your Internist is moving to Florida. I pray you find another doctor

who treats you as well, if not better than this Internist did. Maybe

a stronger painkiller would help?

You've come to the right place for support and understanding. This

group is wonderful. They've helped me so much. I'm sure you'll get a

lot out of associating with this group. No one here feels like we

have to " put up " with each other. We all have enough of that offline,

whether at home or at work. So, talk about whatever you feel like

talking about. Everyone here understands what you're going through.

Take care,

[Guest guest]

>

> I've been wondering this a lot lately. My name is and I'm

23 years old. I've been diagnosed for about seven years and am

unable to work. I live with my parents, who are thankfully very

supportive. I have just about every symptom there is, in addition to

having a foot longer large instestine than is normal. I'm currently

on ambien, vicodin, claritin, prednisone (for carpal tunnel) and

birth control (for cysts.) My pain level has become unbareable

lately and my doctors have no idea what to do with me. They've tried

me on every antidepressant that they can think of and none have

worked. Most of them made my moods so irratic that it scared my

parents. The last few weeks have been very hard. I don't have any

friends left offline, even family has turned their backs on us. They

think it's ridiculous that my parents " put up " with me. I only have

one or two online friends and even they are getting sick of hearing

about how much pain I am in. Yet, they get angry if I try to talk

about other things and avoid the subject of pain. I've been feeling

very lost and alone lately and very unsure of what to do. We just

got notice that my internist is moving his practice to Florida, so I

will be losing him as well. I'm very scared right now. I feel like

I'm losing myself to this illness and it's a battle I can't win. I

hope I can make some friends here. I could definitely use the

support. I feel very much at the end of my rope.

>

>

>

>

>

> ---------------------------------

>