Guest guest Posted July 26, 2002 Report Share Posted July 26, 2002 Hello , I am new on this site and email list, but I was online when your email was sent out. I don't know everything and don't wish to sound as if I do, but I have a lot of experience in this area. I directed a shelter for homeless women and children, have run a web site dealing with chronic illness and abuse (therefore relationships and all sorts of abuse) and have gone through this many times myself. So I personally know what you are feeling to some degree. I know the frustration of trying to deal with someone that you just can't deal with because anything you do, they turn around and even if you do just as they say to do, you still are wrong somehow. I call people like this crazy makers. They make you crazy!!!! I have tried everything printed that I could find in dealing with people like this. I have tried somethings not mentioned in print and the only thing, and I say again, the only thing I found that worked was to run and run fast! You can spend years trying to fix it, fix yourself, fix them and still at the end of that time, you still most likely haven't done anything but wasted years and happiness that you could have found if you had run when it all started. How can one be happy or healthy when someone is always attacking? How can one share a life with someone that refuses to be happy and nice to the people around them? How can you raise children with someone that is so unhappy they have to make everyone unhappy around them? Supporting oneself when ill is a major reason many stay with their crazy makers, how I know that one so well myself. I have battled homelessness and all I had to do to not be homeless and have what I and my children needed, so running sometimes isn't the answer! You must use caution and care and decided what you might be able to do with or without the crazy maker in your life. If you are living with a person that makes everything your fault, I wonder if he is controlling, abusive, selfish, self consummed, lacking in parental input with any children there, concerned for the real health and well being of anyone besides themself and if they are jealous or have rage type problems. Only you know what you can do and what your situation is. I have a saying that I use to help me in situation such as this. " Be True To Yourself. " If you cannot be true to yourself with anyone, you must question what you are doing with the person and how good the situation is for you. If you depend on someone to help support you because illness makes it so you cannot work, you can be in real danger. That is where I am today. I ran, I got away from my crazy makers and some were my own blood family. I am never sorry I ran and got away because even homeless I was much happier without them! Yet, when you have children that complicates everything. If you must stay in this situation, you need all the support you can get and to be able to find ways to calm yourself and deal with the person. It is hard to feel loved and valued when someone treats you this way. Find others that will value you and love you. Not meaning an affair or anything like that, but support systems of people who really have been there and truely understand. Even those that are sick can't understand if they have never had a crazy maker and illness at the same time. They can have compassion, but sometimes they just don't understand how it wares you down and robs your and your life. Do you like music? Do you like to take walks or anything? If you can do anything that helps you be happy or calm, do these things. If you have a safe freind that isn't a challenge or threat to your crazy maker, go to this person and vent and cry, but make sure it is someone that isn't close to the situation or they can get involved too much and affect the situation when you don't need it! Focus on yourself and your needs and try not to let anything that person does affect your, kind of distance yourself emotionally and don't take it personally. You know, this person has a problem and is making it your problem and you must protect yourself from this or you will end up wishing to end it all in a way that isn't true to yourself or healthy for you and your children. I hope that I don't sound too bossy or too know it all, but I have been there and thank god that I am not there now. I only have to live with crazy making doctors and a system that fails to actually help the ill and the one's the system was designed to help. I have my own crazy making situation and believe me, I need you all to understand my own needs and not that I am someone that thinks she knows it all. Even when we are strong and a survivor, we still need our family and support systems! No one is strong enough to handle all that illness and life throw at them alone! I do hope that you can calmly find a way to get through this night and the nights after it and know that we all will be rooting for you in whatever way we do that! You are important, you are loved and cared about, you are supported, we do understand and we do wish to help you in any way that we can. For most of us have known something of this nature ourselves and we will try to assist in any way that we can. I don't mean to talk for others here, but I think we all wish to support and be supported or we wouldn't be part of a site such as this one! May Life Be Kind To You! Donna H./Silverlocket Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 26, 2002 Report Share Posted July 26, 2002 Hello , I am new on this site and email list, but I was online when your email was sent out. I don't know everything and don't wish to sound as if I do, but I have a lot of experience in this area. I directed a shelter for homeless women and children, have run a web site dealing with chronic illness and abuse (therefore relationships and all sorts of abuse) and have gone through this many times myself. So I personally know what you are feeling to some degree. I know the frustration of trying to deal with someone that you just can't deal with because anything you do, they turn around and even if you do just as they say to do, you still are wrong somehow. I call people like this crazy makers. They make you crazy!!!! I have tried everything printed that I could find in dealing with people like this. I have tried somethings not mentioned in print and the only thing, and I say again, the only thing I found that worked was to run and run fast! You can spend years trying to fix it, fix yourself, fix them and still at the end of that time, you still most likely haven't done anything but wasted years and happiness that you could have found if you had run when it all started. How can one be happy or healthy when someone is always attacking? How can one share a life with someone that refuses to be happy and nice to the people around them? How can you raise children with someone that is so unhappy they have to make everyone unhappy around them? Supporting oneself when ill is a major reason many stay with their crazy makers, how I know that one so well myself. I have battled homelessness and all I had to do to not be homeless and have what I and my children needed, so running sometimes isn't the answer! You must use caution and care and decided what you might be able to do with or without the crazy maker in your life. If you are living with a person that makes everything your fault, I wonder if he is controlling, abusive, selfish, self consummed, lacking in parental input with any children there, concerned for the real health and well being of anyone besides themself and if they are jealous or have rage type problems. Only you know what you can do and what your situation is. I have a saying that I use to help me in situation such as this. " Be True To Yourself. " If you cannot be true to yourself with anyone, you must question what you are doing with the person and how good the situation is for you. If you depend on someone to help support you because illness makes it so you cannot work, you can be in real danger. That is where I am today. I ran, I got away from my crazy makers and some were my own blood family. I am never sorry I ran and got away because even homeless I was much happier without them! Yet, when you have children that complicates everything. If you must stay in this situation, you need all the support you can get and to be able to find ways to calm yourself and deal with the person. It is hard to feel loved and valued when someone treats you this way. Find others that will value you and love you. Not meaning an affair or anything like that, but support systems of people who really have been there and truely understand. Even those that are sick can't understand if they have never had a crazy maker and illness at the same time. They can have compassion, but sometimes they just don't understand how it wares you down and robs your and your life. Do you like music? Do you like to take walks or anything? If you can do anything that helps you be happy or calm, do these things. If you have a safe freind that isn't a challenge or threat to your crazy maker, go to this person and vent and cry, but make sure it is someone that isn't close to the situation or they can get involved too much and affect the situation when you don't need it! Focus on yourself and your needs and try not to let anything that person does affect your, kind of distance yourself emotionally and don't take it personally. You know, this person has a problem and is making it your problem and you must protect yourself from this or you will end up wishing to end it all in a way that isn't true to yourself or healthy for you and your children. I hope that I don't sound too bossy or too know it all, but I have been there and thank god that I am not there now. I only have to live with crazy making doctors and a system that fails to actually help the ill and the one's the system was designed to help. I have my own crazy making situation and believe me, I need you all to understand my own needs and not that I am someone that thinks she knows it all. Even when we are strong and a survivor, we still need our family and support systems! No one is strong enough to handle all that illness and life throw at them alone! I do hope that you can calmly find a way to get through this night and the nights after it and know that we all will be rooting for you in whatever way we do that! You are important, you are loved and cared about, you are supported, we do understand and we do wish to help you in any way that we can. For most of us have known something of this nature ourselves and we will try to assist in any way that we can. I don't mean to talk for others here, but I think we all wish to support and be supported or we wouldn't be part of a site such as this one! May Life Be Kind To You! Donna H./Silverlocket Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 26, 2002 Report Share Posted July 26, 2002 I can't drink alcohol at all...I get sick for days, even after only a few drinks--and i've always been this way. I have severe fibrofog until about noon, then my brain starts working. My husband is giving me problems again...he started to fight last night and I walked out onto the deck (to get away from him mainly), and of course, he followed me out to the deck so he could keep fighting....I am at the end of my rope with him, everything is my fault, I have all the problems, and I can't stop crying today, and he is coming home from work in an hour, and i'm trying to figure out where I can go (or what I can do) so that I don't have to be around him and listen to him try and start a fight. If I agree with him, he fights, if I walk away, he fights, if I argue, he fights with me....what am I suppose to do?? He complains when I discipline the kids, he complains because I DONT discipline them.....I am at my wits end and I don't know what he wants from me!!! Fibrofriends HELP!!!! kmnewberry@... _________________________________________________________________ Join the world’s largest e-mail service with MSN Hotmail. http://www.hotmail.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 26, 2002 Report Share Posted July 26, 2002 Dear , My heart goes out to you, this situation sounds very painful. It can be unbearable when someone is angrily following you around just wanting to fight and you just want to get away. I know how it feels--not only are you devastated by all the horrible things he's saying and furious at how unfair and unkind he's being, you also feel desperately trapped. My dh (now ex) had a similar mode of action. It is one thing when the rage is accompanied by an effort to actually resolve the problems, but when it just becomes one person expressing his frustration and trying to maintain a sense of control by screaming at another, everything only gets much much worse. Sooner or later, someone's temper explodes--yours' because he's abusing you following you around with his accusations and insults, or his because when you try to get away, he doesn't feel like you are listening to him and he feels his life is even more out of control than ever. So first, right off the bat, this needs to stop somehow, so you can really sit down and address what needs to be addressed. I don't know what it would take to do that. I suppose it's true that you can't change other people, only yourself, but the problem with that in this case is: it puts all the pressure on you to change when you aren't really the problem -- the problem is his inibility to express his frustration in a productive way. And you are probably so hurt, and rightfully so, by everything he has said, that the last thing you want to do is anything that feels like " giving in " to him or letting him think he's right (which he isn't). Still someone has to break the cycle. Since it probably isn't going to be him, that leaves...you. In order for him to quit being such an ##s#ole , I think he might need to know that you are aware of what he's going through and how difficult it is for him, and that you appreciate it and love him for it, and that you believe there is something the two of you can do to make it better. That's a huge undertaking, I know. Especially the part about believing there is something the two of you can do to make it better--the thing about this disease is it can erode your sense of hope and if you don't believe the situation will get better, it will be hard to convey otherwise to him. But it must be so difficult for both of you--I've read enough of your posts to know you are really into nature and hiking and an active outdoor life--you must both miss that so much. He must miss you, the you who enjoyed the outdoors so much. I think both of you must grieve for that person and that loss. And speaking of getting better: I don't know what your current situation is with doctors and all that, but are you happy with the medical care you are getting? It doesn't sound to me like your doctor has your pain under control at all. I know from experience the difference that makes--I'm on a duragesic patch now and got my life back. A lot of doctors don't like to prescribe it because it's a narcotic but jeeesh! Your life is hell right now! One evening worth of hiking and you are in bed for days. What are they waiting for? Maybe your husband could redirect some of that rage to where it belongs and help you get the doctor to actually take care of you. Well, I've gone on long enough. I'm writing from the position of assuming you want to work it out with your husband, which may not be true. Maybe you would rather get a divorce but don't know how you would make ends meet and so feel even more trapped--can't work because you are sick, you don't feel well enough to deal with a divorce, where would the money come from, what about the kids, etc etc. I am very happily single--my ex and I were incompatible and couldn't begin to deal with all the challenges brought from my chronic illness. And he had some serious problems on top of it. I stuck it out for much longer than I should have because I couldn't figure out how to get away. But even so, the divorce process itself was so horrible and my kids suffered so much that while doing through it, I wished I'd been able to make my hellish marriage work-- even though at the same time, I knew I'd tried everything I could. My point is: if you and your husband still love each other and have the basis of a good marriage--I hope you can figure out a way to get through this because divorce is AWFUL and can suck every bit of life out of you, not to mention time and money. Finally--you started off mentioning not being able to drink. Yeah, I can't either and it took years to realize that. Same thing: two beers and I was sick for two days. This you don't need, not on top of everything else. I felt SO much better after I finally acknowledged it made me sick and I didn't like it that much anyway. I bet if you get your pain under control and can get outdoors again, alcohol won't hold as much of an appeal. Sorry for meandering on but I was really touched by your email, Margaret >I can't drink alcohol at all...I get sick for days, even after only a few >drinks--and i've always been this way. I have severe fibrofog until about >noon, then my brain starts working. >My husband is giving me problems again...he started to fight last night and >I walked out onto the deck (to get away from him mainly), and of course, he >followed me out to the deck so he could keep fighting....I am at the end of >my rope with him, everything is my fault, I have all the problems, and I >can't stop crying today, and he is coming home from work in an hour, and i'm >trying to figure out where I can go (or what I can do) so that I don't have >to be around him and listen to him try and start a fight. If I agree with >him, he fights, if I walk away, he fights, if I argue, he fights with >me....what am I suppose to do?? He complains when I discipline the kids, he >complains because I DONT discipline them.....I am at my wits end and I don't >know what he wants from me!!! Fibrofriends HELP!!!! > > >kmnewberry@... > > >_________________________________________________________________ >Join the world’s largest e-mail service with MSN Hotmail. >http://www.hotmail.com > > > >SEND POST TO: fibromyalgia-cfs > >HOME PAGE:http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/Oaks/7127/fibromyalgia-cfs.html >LIST OWNER: " Missy " Parrot004@...> >UNSUBSCRIBE:fibromyalgia-cfs-unsubscribe > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 26, 2002 Report Share Posted July 26, 2002 Dear , My heart goes out to you, this situation sounds very painful. It can be unbearable when someone is angrily following you around just wanting to fight and you just want to get away. I know how it feels--not only are you devastated by all the horrible things he's saying and furious at how unfair and unkind he's being, you also feel desperately trapped. My dh (now ex) had a similar mode of action. It is one thing when the rage is accompanied by an effort to actually resolve the problems, but when it just becomes one person expressing his frustration and trying to maintain a sense of control by screaming at another, everything only gets much much worse. Sooner or later, someone's temper explodes--yours' because he's abusing you following you around with his accusations and insults, or his because when you try to get away, he doesn't feel like you are listening to him and he feels his life is even more out of control than ever. So first, right off the bat, this needs to stop somehow, so you can really sit down and address what needs to be addressed. I don't know what it would take to do that. I suppose it's true that you can't change other people, only yourself, but the problem with that in this case is: it puts all the pressure on you to change when you aren't really the problem -- the problem is his inibility to express his frustration in a productive way. And you are probably so hurt, and rightfully so, by everything he has said, that the last thing you want to do is anything that feels like " giving in " to him or letting him think he's right (which he isn't). Still someone has to break the cycle. Since it probably isn't going to be him, that leaves...you. In order for him to quit being such an ##s#ole , I think he might need to know that you are aware of what he's going through and how difficult it is for him, and that you appreciate it and love him for it, and that you believe there is something the two of you can do to make it better. That's a huge undertaking, I know. Especially the part about believing there is something the two of you can do to make it better--the thing about this disease is it can erode your sense of hope and if you don't believe the situation will get better, it will be hard to convey otherwise to him. But it must be so difficult for both of you--I've read enough of your posts to know you are really into nature and hiking and an active outdoor life--you must both miss that so much. He must miss you, the you who enjoyed the outdoors so much. I think both of you must grieve for that person and that loss. And speaking of getting better: I don't know what your current situation is with doctors and all that, but are you happy with the medical care you are getting? It doesn't sound to me like your doctor has your pain under control at all. I know from experience the difference that makes--I'm on a duragesic patch now and got my life back. A lot of doctors don't like to prescribe it because it's a narcotic but jeeesh! Your life is hell right now! One evening worth of hiking and you are in bed for days. What are they waiting for? Maybe your husband could redirect some of that rage to where it belongs and help you get the doctor to actually take care of you. Well, I've gone on long enough. I'm writing from the position of assuming you want to work it out with your husband, which may not be true. Maybe you would rather get a divorce but don't know how you would make ends meet and so feel even more trapped--can't work because you are sick, you don't feel well enough to deal with a divorce, where would the money come from, what about the kids, etc etc. I am very happily single--my ex and I were incompatible and couldn't begin to deal with all the challenges brought from my chronic illness. And he had some serious problems on top of it. I stuck it out for much longer than I should have because I couldn't figure out how to get away. But even so, the divorce process itself was so horrible and my kids suffered so much that while doing through it, I wished I'd been able to make my hellish marriage work-- even though at the same time, I knew I'd tried everything I could. My point is: if you and your husband still love each other and have the basis of a good marriage--I hope you can figure out a way to get through this because divorce is AWFUL and can suck every bit of life out of you, not to mention time and money. Finally--you started off mentioning not being able to drink. Yeah, I can't either and it took years to realize that. Same thing: two beers and I was sick for two days. This you don't need, not on top of everything else. I felt SO much better after I finally acknowledged it made me sick and I didn't like it that much anyway. I bet if you get your pain under control and can get outdoors again, alcohol won't hold as much of an appeal. Sorry for meandering on but I was really touched by your email, Margaret >I can't drink alcohol at all...I get sick for days, even after only a few >drinks--and i've always been this way. I have severe fibrofog until about >noon, then my brain starts working. >My husband is giving me problems again...he started to fight last night and >I walked out onto the deck (to get away from him mainly), and of course, he >followed me out to the deck so he could keep fighting....I am at the end of >my rope with him, everything is my fault, I have all the problems, and I >can't stop crying today, and he is coming home from work in an hour, and i'm >trying to figure out where I can go (or what I can do) so that I don't have >to be around him and listen to him try and start a fight. If I agree with >him, he fights, if I walk away, he fights, if I argue, he fights with >me....what am I suppose to do?? He complains when I discipline the kids, he >complains because I DONT discipline them.....I am at my wits end and I don't >know what he wants from me!!! Fibrofriends HELP!!!! > > >kmnewberry@... > > >_________________________________________________________________ >Join the world’s largest e-mail service with MSN Hotmail. >http://www.hotmail.com > > > >SEND POST TO: fibromyalgia-cfs > >HOME PAGE:http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/Oaks/7127/fibromyalgia-cfs.html >LIST OWNER: " Missy " Parrot004@...> >UNSUBSCRIBE:fibromyalgia-cfs-unsubscribe > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 26, 2002 Report Share Posted July 26, 2002 ---too bad you can't drink alcohol and then crack him over the head with the empty bottle! Sounds like he is seriously cranky because he cannot control this situation. My (now ex) husband went to the other extreme. He pampered me and ...took whatever I wanted to do out of my hands and gave it to someone else to do! I can't really say which is worse, the b*tcher or the pleaser... I am a single parent having a rollicking good time in a dirty house with 2 kids who don't expect too much from me. The apartment is cozy and there isn't enough room for the grown kids to come back with their kids. Landlord just wouldn't have it, y'all. I even went back to school after this great looking jewish guy with a big...you get the picture... told me I could do it! Anybody remember the Gin Blossoms? New Miserable Experience is the CD. 2nd song, " Jealousy " : " if you don't expect too much from me, you might no be let down... " In @y..., " Blueberry " wrote: > I can't drink alcohol at all...I get sick for days, even after only a few > drinks--and i've always been this way. I have severe fibrofog until about > noon, then my brain starts working. > My husband is giving me problems again...he started to fight last night and > I walked out onto the deck (to get away from him mainly), and of course, he > followed me out to the deck so he could keep fighting....I am at the end of > my rope with him, everything is my fault, I have all the problems, and I > can't stop crying today, and he is coming home from work in an hour, and i'm > trying to figure out where I can go (or what I can do) so that I don't have > to be around him and listen to him try and start a fight. If I agree with > him, he fights, if I walk away, he fights, if I argue, he fights with > me....what am I suppose to do?? He complains when I discipline the kids, he > complains because I DONT discipline them.....I am at my wits end and I don't > know what he wants from me!!! Fibrofriends HELP!!!! > > > kmnewberry@h... > > > _________________________________________________________________ > Join the world's largest e-mail service with MSN Hotmail. > http://www.hotmail.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 26, 2002 Report Share Posted July 26, 2002 ---too bad you can't drink alcohol and then crack him over the head with the empty bottle! Sounds like he is seriously cranky because he cannot control this situation. My (now ex) husband went to the other extreme. He pampered me and ...took whatever I wanted to do out of my hands and gave it to someone else to do! I can't really say which is worse, the b*tcher or the pleaser... I am a single parent having a rollicking good time in a dirty house with 2 kids who don't expect too much from me. The apartment is cozy and there isn't enough room for the grown kids to come back with their kids. Landlord just wouldn't have it, y'all. I even went back to school after this great looking jewish guy with a big...you get the picture... told me I could do it! Anybody remember the Gin Blossoms? New Miserable Experience is the CD. 2nd song, " Jealousy " : " if you don't expect too much from me, you might no be let down... " In @y..., " Blueberry " wrote: > I can't drink alcohol at all...I get sick for days, even after only a few > drinks--and i've always been this way. I have severe fibrofog until about > noon, then my brain starts working. > My husband is giving me problems again...he started to fight last night and > I walked out onto the deck (to get away from him mainly), and of course, he > followed me out to the deck so he could keep fighting....I am at the end of > my rope with him, everything is my fault, I have all the problems, and I > can't stop crying today, and he is coming home from work in an hour, and i'm > trying to figure out where I can go (or what I can do) so that I don't have > to be around him and listen to him try and start a fight. If I agree with > him, he fights, if I walk away, he fights, if I argue, he fights with > me....what am I suppose to do?? He complains when I discipline the kids, he > complains because I DONT discipline them.....I am at my wits end and I don't > know what he wants from me!!! Fibrofriends HELP!!!! > > > kmnewberry@h... > > > _________________________________________________________________ > Join the world's largest e-mail service with MSN Hotmail. > http://www.hotmail.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 26, 2002 Report Share Posted July 26, 2002 ---too bad you can't drink alcohol and then crack him over the head with the empty bottle! Sounds like he is seriously cranky because he cannot control this situation. My (now ex) husband went to the other extreme. He pampered me and ...took whatever I wanted to do out of my hands and gave it to someone else to do! I can't really say which is worse, the b*tcher or the pleaser... I am a single parent having a rollicking good time in a dirty house with 2 kids who don't expect too much from me. The apartment is cozy and there isn't enough room for the grown kids to come back with their kids. Landlord just wouldn't have it, y'all. I even went back to school after this great looking jewish guy with a big...you get the picture... told me I could do it! Anybody remember the Gin Blossoms? New Miserable Experience is the CD. 2nd song, " Jealousy " : " if you don't expect too much from me, you might no be let down... " In @y..., " Blueberry " wrote: > I can't drink alcohol at all...I get sick for days, even after only a few > drinks--and i've always been this way. I have severe fibrofog until about > noon, then my brain starts working. > My husband is giving me problems again...he started to fight last night and > I walked out onto the deck (to get away from him mainly), and of course, he > followed me out to the deck so he could keep fighting....I am at the end of > my rope with him, everything is my fault, I have all the problems, and I > can't stop crying today, and he is coming home from work in an hour, and i'm > trying to figure out where I can go (or what I can do) so that I don't have > to be around him and listen to him try and start a fight. If I agree with > him, he fights, if I walk away, he fights, if I argue, he fights with > me....what am I suppose to do?? He complains when I discipline the kids, he > complains because I DONT discipline them.....I am at my wits end and I don't > know what he wants from me!!! Fibrofriends HELP!!!! > > > kmnewberry@h... > > > _________________________________________________________________ > Join the world's largest e-mail service with MSN Hotmail. > http://www.hotmail.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 26, 2002 Report Share Posted July 26, 2002 --- Well said! (and it would never fit in a bottle but this is the proverbial message-in-a-bottle, . Take it out and read it again and again and again. I found this out the hard way myself way before fibro. Hell, my first husband could play a big part in my fibro; he's still a crazy-maker; he's just somebody else's crazy-maker) In @y..., silversdesk@c... wrote: > Hello , > > I am new on this site and email list, but I was online when your email was > sent out. I don't know everything and don't wish to sound as if I do, but I > have a lot of experience in this area. I directed a shelter for homeless > women and children, have run a web site dealing with chronic illness and > abuse (therefore relationships and all sorts of abuse) and have gone through > this many times myself. So I personally know what you are feeling to some > degree. I know the frustration of trying to deal with someone that you just > can't deal with because anything you do, they turn around and even if you do > just as they say to do, you still are wrong somehow. I call people like this > crazy makers. They make you crazy!!!! > > I have tried everything printed that I could find in dealing with people like > this. I have tried somethings not mentioned in print and the only thing, and > I say again, the only thing I found that worked was to run and run fast! You > can spend years trying to fix it, fix yourself, fix them and still at the end > of that time, you still most likely haven't done anything but wasted years > and happiness that you could have found if you had run when it all started. > How can one be happy or healthy when someone is always attacking? How can > one share a life with someone that refuses to be happy and nice to the people > around them? How can you raise children with someone that is so unhappy they > have to make everyone unhappy around them? > > Supporting oneself when ill is a major reason many stay with their crazy > makers, how I know that one so well myself. I have battled homelessness and > all I had to do to not be homeless and have what I and my children needed, so > running sometimes isn't the answer! You must use caution and care and > decided what you might be able to do with or without the crazy maker in your > life. If you are living with a person that makes everything your fault, I > wonder if he is controlling, abusive, selfish, self consummed, lacking in > parental input with any children there, concerned for the real health and > well being of anyone besides themself and if they are jealous or have rage > type problems. > > Only you know what you can do and what your situation is. I have a saying > that I use to help me in situation such as this. " Be True To Yourself. " If > you cannot be true to yourself with anyone, you must question what you are > doing with the person and how good the situation is for you. If you depend > on someone to help support you because illness makes it so you cannot work, > you can be in real danger. That is where I am today. I ran, I got away from > my crazy makers and some were my own blood family. I am never sorry I ran > and got away because even homeless I was much happier without them! Yet, > when you have children that complicates everything. > > If you must stay in this situation, you need all the support you can get and > to be able to find ways to calm yourself and deal with the person. It is > hard to feel loved and valued when someone treats you this way. Find others > that will value you and love you. Not meaning an affair or anything like > that, but support systems of people who really have been there and truely > understand. Even those that are sick can't understand if they have never had > a crazy maker and illness at the same time. They can have compassion, but > sometimes they just don't understand how it wares you down and robs your and > your life. > > Do you like music? Do you like to take walks or anything? If you can do > anything that helps you be happy or calm, do these things. If you have a > safe freind that isn't a challenge or threat to your crazy maker, go to this > person and vent and cry, but make sure it is someone that isn't close to the > situation or they can get involved too much and affect the situation when you > don't need it! Focus on yourself and your needs and try not to let anything > that person does affect your, kind of distance yourself emotionally and don't > take it personally. You know, this person has a problem and is making it > your problem and you must protect yourself from this or you will end up > wishing to end it all in a way that isn't true to yourself or healthy for you > and your children. > > I hope that I don't sound too bossy or too know it all, but I have been there > and thank god that I am not there now. I only have to live with crazy making > doctors and a system that fails to actually help the ill and the one's the > system was designed to help. I have my own crazy making situation and > believe me, I need you all to understand my own needs and not that I am > someone that thinks she knows it all. Even when we are strong and a > survivor, we still need our family and support systems! No one is strong > enough to handle all that illness and life throw at them alone! > > I do hope that you can calmly find a way to get through this night and the > nights after it and know that we all will be rooting for you in whatever way > we do that! You are important, you are loved and cared about, you are > supported, we do understand and we do wish to help you in any way that we > can. For most of us have known something of this nature ourselves and we > will try to assist in any way that we can. I don't mean to talk for others > here, but I think we all wish to support and be supported or we wouldn't be > part of a site such as this one! > > May Life Be Kind To You! > Donna H./Silverlocket > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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