Guest guest Posted May 4, 2002 Report Share Posted May 4, 2002 Who do you trust? You trust YOU and your perceptions and feelings and actions. That is all any of us can do... Just because your parents confided what they are feeling about your wedding, doesn't mean you have to heed their advice. You can CHOOSE what YOU think is best for you. The people you refer to are HUMANS ...they are not fortune tellers or predictors of the future. If they were, they would at the very least have been recruited by the government for some secret work! There is a book called " Co-dependency No More " that may give you some insight as to why you give two hoots what other people think. You have an invisible illness/illnesses. Spend more time on caring for you. No one is going to do that....for you. That alone is a full-time job. People may not have the same problems as you do ...but we ALL have problems and issues ....each day, everyday. If you want to be entitled to a bad day, can you allow for their bad days????? Why do people feel one way one day and one way another....don't you? I may love chocolate and have eaten an entire chocolate cake before I come to your house . When I arrive, you baked a choc cake knowing I was coming over and I refuse it. Does that mean I don't like chocolate anymore? Does it mean I don't like you? Does it mean there was a hair on the plate? What difference does it make ??????? Stop trying to please everyone else and in turn demanding they please you. It doesn't work. Things would be simple if we lived in a black and white world but we don't. I have adult children and I share pros and cons with them when I am asked to....and keep quiet when they don't ask.I shared with them what I think marriage is and what it isn't. What do you and the groom say???? He is the one you need to be comfortable with. When you say " they are nowhere to be found " when you need something, is there something specific you can relate that to? Good Luck Marieanne --- brokendovebird seashellie@...> wrote: > > Hi, > > I am feeling more and more isolated by the people > around me. I > really feel as though I can't trust any of them. One > day someone > will say somehting and then the next they will say > something > completly different.. I really feel like I dont know > where I stand > with people, i dont know who is telling me the > truth, telling me > what I want to hear..or who is about to drop > something on me. > > Up to the wedding eveyrone was like..you can do > this..u can do > that..this is perfect you guys will make it...and > then...my parents > turn around and tell me I wont make it and I cant do > it and they > really dont think i should get married under these > conditions. > > why ? why do people say one thing and mean > another?..I feel i have > to read into everything people say to me. > > I dont know who to trust... one day I get sympathy > for one thing and > then the next day they yell and blame me for it. > > I tell them iam sick and they pat me on the back and > say there > there..and how they are there for me...then when i > ask for > help...the are no where to be found.... > > I dont know who is being honest with me anymore...i > feel more and > more isolated and feel myself pulling away from them > in fear..fear > of the lies there deceit. > > if someone doesnt want to help me then why do they > say the will? > > __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 5, 2002 Report Share Posted May 5, 2002 If someone doesn't want to help me then why do they say the will? If you find out, you tell me. I think that there are some people that do not know how to say no, I can't help. They say yes, not knowing that we depend on that yes. When push comes to shove, they realize that they can't help and all they have done is to have got into a mess and they have hurt and disappointed you. I would not take a yes for granted unless the person has proved in the past that they can be trusted. The rest of them, pay them no heed and if they ask, tell them that they do not do what they say they will and you cannot trust them any longer. I find that those that I can't trust, I stay away from and there are some friends (or rather former friends) that I have not time for anymore. Take care, Irene Books may well be the only true magic Alice Hoffman Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 6, 2002 Report Share Posted May 6, 2002 how do u explain to someone that all you need is there support..for them to be there for u..even if its just for hugs or to pass u things.... they make promises of being there and then they are not... I feel iam constantly trying to prove the severity of my situation..but they all just carry on and expect me to on my own as well... all i want is someone to be there beside me... so how can he tell me he cant right now..and then get angry at me for asking again and again.... its all actually so simple.... he gets angry at me...he gets angry at himself..he feels gugilty and bad for not helping me... but then i think all he has to do is be with me right..how hard is it.. I am not asking him to give me somehting he hasnt got or cant afford...i am asking for his support for him to be here.. its still 2 months to go and it seems further and further away..iam back peddling at a scary rate and i dont even know whats real or not naymore.. i think i need a brainotomy > If someone doesn't want to help me then why do they say the will? > > > If you find out, you tell me. I think that there are some people that do not > know how to say no, I can't help. They say yes, not knowing that we depend > on that yes. When push comes to shove, they realize that they can't help and > all they have done is to have got into a mess and they have hurt and > disappointed you. > > I would not take a yes for granted unless the person has proved in the past > that they can be trusted. The rest of them, pay them no heed and if they > ask, tell them that they do not do what they say they will and you cannot > trust them any longer. > > I find that those that I can't trust, I stay away from and there are some > friends (or rather former friends) that I have not time for anymore. > > Take care, > Irene > > Books may well be the only true magic > Alice Hoffman > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 6, 2002 Report Share Posted May 6, 2002 how do u explain to someone that all you need is there support..for them to be there for u..even if its just for hugs or to pass u things.... they make promises of being there and then they are not... I feel iam constantly trying to prove the severity of my situation..but they all just carry on and expect me to on my own as well... all i want is someone to be there beside me... so how can he tell me he cant right now..and then get angry at me for asking again and again.... its all actually so simple.... he gets angry at me...he gets angry at himself..he feels gugilty and bad for not helping me... but then i think all he has to do is be with me right..how hard is it.. I am not asking him to give me somehting he hasnt got or cant afford...i am asking for his support for him to be here.. its still 2 months to go and it seems further and further away..iam back peddling at a scary rate and i dont even know whats real or not naymore.. i think i need a brainotomy > If someone doesn't want to help me then why do they say the will? > > > If you find out, you tell me. I think that there are some people that do not > know how to say no, I can't help. They say yes, not knowing that we depend > on that yes. When push comes to shove, they realize that they can't help and > all they have done is to have got into a mess and they have hurt and > disappointed you. > > I would not take a yes for granted unless the person has proved in the past > that they can be trusted. The rest of them, pay them no heed and if they > ask, tell them that they do not do what they say they will and you cannot > trust them any longer. > > I find that those that I can't trust, I stay away from and there are some > friends (or rather former friends) that I have not time for anymore. > > Take care, > Irene > > Books may well be the only true magic > Alice Hoffman > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 6, 2002 Report Share Posted May 6, 2002 how do u explain to someone that all you need is there support..for them to be there for u..even if its just for hugs or to pass u things.... they make promises of being there and then they are not... I feel iam constantly trying to prove the severity of my situation..but they all just carry on and expect me to on my own as well... all i want is someone to be there beside me... so how can he tell me he cant right now..and then get angry at me for asking again and again.... its all actually so simple.... he gets angry at me...he gets angry at himself..he feels gugilty and bad for not helping me... but then i think all he has to do is be with me right..how hard is it.. I am not asking him to give me somehting he hasnt got or cant afford...i am asking for his support for him to be here.. its still 2 months to go and it seems further and further away..iam back peddling at a scary rate and i dont even know whats real or not naymore.. i think i need a brainotomy > If someone doesn't want to help me then why do they say the will? > > > If you find out, you tell me. I think that there are some people that do not > know how to say no, I can't help. They say yes, not knowing that we depend > on that yes. When push comes to shove, they realize that they can't help and > all they have done is to have got into a mess and they have hurt and > disappointed you. > > I would not take a yes for granted unless the person has proved in the past > that they can be trusted. The rest of them, pay them no heed and if they > ask, tell them that they do not do what they say they will and you cannot > trust them any longer. > > I find that those that I can't trust, I stay away from and there are some > friends (or rather former friends) that I have not time for anymore. > > Take care, > Irene > > Books may well be the only true magic > Alice Hoffman > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 6, 2002 Report Share Posted May 6, 2002 Shellie, Please, please, please go to the doctor and get an anti-depressant! I think you'll find you'll be better able to cope once you do. I hate to hear you sounding so dependent upon others. I know it's very difficult to feel the way we do, and to feel you have no one to help you, but in the end, you MUST achieve some independence. I'm sure your boyfriend wants to be there for you, but I'm also sure that you being utterly dependent upon him will put a bad strain on your relationship. I have been down that road before. You are going to have to work on self-reliance, as hard as it is, and sounds, in order to achieve any peace of mind. And the first step is to get some help. You'd be amazed at how much easier it is to cope if you take an anti- depressant. I can't believe I waited so long. It's made a huge difference for me. I think I'm now going to be the Zoloft pusher. Lol. Please Shellie, go to you doctor. I think it's very important for you. Take care, I'm here for you, > > If someone doesn't want to help me then why do they say the will? > > > > > > If you find out, you tell me. I think that there are some people > that do not > > know how to say no, I can't help. They say yes, not knowing that > we depend > > on that yes. When push comes to shove, they realize that they > can't help and > > all they have done is to have got into a mess and they have hurt > and > > disappointed you. > > > > I would not take a yes for granted unless the person has proved in > the past > > that they can be trusted. The rest of them, pay them no heed and > if they > > ask, tell them that they do not do what they say they will and you > cannot > > trust them any longer. > > > > I find that those that I can't trust, I stay away from and there > are some > > friends (or rather former friends) that I have not time for > anymore. > > > > Take care, > > Irene > > > > Books may well be the only true magic > > Alice Hoffman > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 6, 2002 Report Share Posted May 6, 2002 Shellie, Please, please, please go to the doctor and get an anti-depressant! I think you'll find you'll be better able to cope once you do. I hate to hear you sounding so dependent upon others. I know it's very difficult to feel the way we do, and to feel you have no one to help you, but in the end, you MUST achieve some independence. I'm sure your boyfriend wants to be there for you, but I'm also sure that you being utterly dependent upon him will put a bad strain on your relationship. I have been down that road before. You are going to have to work on self-reliance, as hard as it is, and sounds, in order to achieve any peace of mind. And the first step is to get some help. You'd be amazed at how much easier it is to cope if you take an anti- depressant. I can't believe I waited so long. It's made a huge difference for me. I think I'm now going to be the Zoloft pusher. Lol. Please Shellie, go to you doctor. I think it's very important for you. Take care, I'm here for you, > > If someone doesn't want to help me then why do they say the will? > > > > > > If you find out, you tell me. I think that there are some people > that do not > > know how to say no, I can't help. They say yes, not knowing that > we depend > > on that yes. When push comes to shove, they realize that they > can't help and > > all they have done is to have got into a mess and they have hurt > and > > disappointed you. > > > > I would not take a yes for granted unless the person has proved in > the past > > that they can be trusted. The rest of them, pay them no heed and > if they > > ask, tell them that they do not do what they say they will and you > cannot > > trust them any longer. > > > > I find that those that I can't trust, I stay away from and there > are some > > friends (or rather former friends) that I have not time for > anymore. > > > > Take care, > > Irene > > > > Books may well be the only true magic > > Alice Hoffman > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 6, 2002 Report Share Posted May 6, 2002 Shellie, Please, please, please go to the doctor and get an anti-depressant! I think you'll find you'll be better able to cope once you do. I hate to hear you sounding so dependent upon others. I know it's very difficult to feel the way we do, and to feel you have no one to help you, but in the end, you MUST achieve some independence. I'm sure your boyfriend wants to be there for you, but I'm also sure that you being utterly dependent upon him will put a bad strain on your relationship. I have been down that road before. You are going to have to work on self-reliance, as hard as it is, and sounds, in order to achieve any peace of mind. And the first step is to get some help. You'd be amazed at how much easier it is to cope if you take an anti- depressant. I can't believe I waited so long. It's made a huge difference for me. I think I'm now going to be the Zoloft pusher. Lol. Please Shellie, go to you doctor. I think it's very important for you. Take care, I'm here for you, > > If someone doesn't want to help me then why do they say the will? > > > > > > If you find out, you tell me. I think that there are some people > that do not > > know how to say no, I can't help. They say yes, not knowing that > we depend > > on that yes. When push comes to shove, they realize that they > can't help and > > all they have done is to have got into a mess and they have hurt > and > > disappointed you. > > > > I would not take a yes for granted unless the person has proved in > the past > > that they can be trusted. The rest of them, pay them no heed and > if they > > ask, tell them that they do not do what they say they will and you > cannot > > trust them any longer. > > > > I find that those that I can't trust, I stay away from and there > are some > > friends (or rather former friends) that I have not time for > anymore. > > > > Take care, > > Irene > > > > Books may well be the only true magic > > Alice Hoffman > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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