Guest guest Posted March 4, 2005 Report Share Posted March 4, 2005 In a message dated 3/4/2005 10:58:49 AM Eastern Standard Time, sdlentz2@... writes: > What a mess I am, huh? Maybe it's just that after fighting this for > so long, it's hard to just plain live again. > debbie...i understood what you were expressing in that post. but ya know what - you are FEELING things again - and that WILL last....and yes, it's bittersweet at time...because we realize what we have missed - and what we have lost - but ya can also give yourself some credit for being a " survivor " . you're still here, you're still trying....so don't give up hope. Cindi Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 4, 2005 Report Share Posted March 4, 2005 In a message dated 3/4/2005 10:58:49 AM Eastern Standard Time, sdlentz2@... writes: > What a mess I am, huh? Maybe it's just that after fighting this for > so long, it's hard to just plain live again. > debbie...i understood what you were expressing in that post. but ya know what - you are FEELING things again - and that WILL last....and yes, it's bittersweet at time...because we realize what we have missed - and what we have lost - but ya can also give yourself some credit for being a " survivor " . you're still here, you're still trying....so don't give up hope. Cindi Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 4, 2005 Report Share Posted March 4, 2005 I understand completely. The truth is, you'll have good days and bad days, and in-between days. You're probably not done crying either. For no reason I know of, I find thinking of past good times to be depressing. It would be all too easy to be bitter, thinking of what I've missed. I had started moving the old camcorder tapes to DVD so they wouldn't degrade, but I quit because I just couldn't watch them. We used to go jet skiing, and to the water park, and riding roller coasters, and on hikes in the fall when the Aspen change colors. Now, because I don't do anything, the kids sit in front of the computer or the TV. It's affected the whole house, and I'm powerless to stop it. The past is gone, and the future is uncertain. So when right now is good, you should enjoy it. And when right now sucks, we're only a modem away. :-) I bet many people on this group don't see themselves as " strong " people. I would also bet just about everyone here really is. Strong doesn't mean you don't bend, it means you bend but don't break. So be strong... -- prr " Debbie " sdlentz2@...> wrote: Your 2 stories are wonderful! I'm starting to notice these things, too. I can now wash my hair and not have a breakdown over the amount of loss. I can walk up the stairs and not have to sit at the top for my heart to stop racing. I can talk to my kids and actually be in touch with them. I can make it through a day with out crying. BUT -- what I am noticing is that I'm not letting myself *really* enjoy these things. I take note of them and write them on my symptoms spreadsheeet, but I guess I'm too scared to believe they're really going to last. I've had soooo many ups and downs the last few years -- where I'd feel better and then it would be gone. I think I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop again. And even though I now know why I had those ups and downs in the past (adrenals), I just don't know how to let myself go and enjoy the improvements because if I have another setback, it would be too much of a disappointment. So I put a wall up to protect myself from the inevitable let down. But, what if this time, there isn't a letdown? What if it really stays? When do I let myself believe it? I guess I'm rambling, but does any of this make sense? Also, just last night, my husband was starting to reminisce about when we first got married. I told him right now it's too hard for me to do that (which kinda upset my husband). But if I look back at the good times, I realize that I'm still not quite back to my original self -- and that also, it makes me too sad because I realize how much I missed while being sick all these years. I look at how old my boys are and know how much I missed. I look at the years my husband and I spent fighting before we knew what was wrong and it all makes me so sad. So at this point, I prefer to just live in the moment, and not look back at either the good or bad times because I just can't deal with it yet. But, yet at the same time, I've put that wall up from *truly* enjoying the better times now! What a mess I am, huh? Maybe it's just that after fighting this for so long, it's hard to just plain live again. Sorry so long. Debbie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 4, 2005 Report Share Posted March 4, 2005 I understand completely. The truth is, you'll have good days and bad days, and in-between days. You're probably not done crying either. For no reason I know of, I find thinking of past good times to be depressing. It would be all too easy to be bitter, thinking of what I've missed. I had started moving the old camcorder tapes to DVD so they wouldn't degrade, but I quit because I just couldn't watch them. We used to go jet skiing, and to the water park, and riding roller coasters, and on hikes in the fall when the Aspen change colors. Now, because I don't do anything, the kids sit in front of the computer or the TV. It's affected the whole house, and I'm powerless to stop it. The past is gone, and the future is uncertain. So when right now is good, you should enjoy it. And when right now sucks, we're only a modem away. :-) I bet many people on this group don't see themselves as " strong " people. I would also bet just about everyone here really is. Strong doesn't mean you don't bend, it means you bend but don't break. So be strong... -- prr " Debbie " sdlentz2@...> wrote: Your 2 stories are wonderful! I'm starting to notice these things, too. I can now wash my hair and not have a breakdown over the amount of loss. I can walk up the stairs and not have to sit at the top for my heart to stop racing. I can talk to my kids and actually be in touch with them. I can make it through a day with out crying. BUT -- what I am noticing is that I'm not letting myself *really* enjoy these things. I take note of them and write them on my symptoms spreadsheeet, but I guess I'm too scared to believe they're really going to last. I've had soooo many ups and downs the last few years -- where I'd feel better and then it would be gone. I think I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop again. And even though I now know why I had those ups and downs in the past (adrenals), I just don't know how to let myself go and enjoy the improvements because if I have another setback, it would be too much of a disappointment. So I put a wall up to protect myself from the inevitable let down. But, what if this time, there isn't a letdown? What if it really stays? When do I let myself believe it? I guess I'm rambling, but does any of this make sense? Also, just last night, my husband was starting to reminisce about when we first got married. I told him right now it's too hard for me to do that (which kinda upset my husband). But if I look back at the good times, I realize that I'm still not quite back to my original self -- and that also, it makes me too sad because I realize how much I missed while being sick all these years. I look at how old my boys are and know how much I missed. I look at the years my husband and I spent fighting before we knew what was wrong and it all makes me so sad. So at this point, I prefer to just live in the moment, and not look back at either the good or bad times because I just can't deal with it yet. But, yet at the same time, I've put that wall up from *truly* enjoying the better times now! What a mess I am, huh? Maybe it's just that after fighting this for so long, it's hard to just plain live again. Sorry so long. Debbie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 4, 2005 Report Share Posted March 4, 2005 I understand completely. The truth is, you'll have good days and bad days, and in-between days. You're probably not done crying either. For no reason I know of, I find thinking of past good times to be depressing. It would be all too easy to be bitter, thinking of what I've missed. I had started moving the old camcorder tapes to DVD so they wouldn't degrade, but I quit because I just couldn't watch them. We used to go jet skiing, and to the water park, and riding roller coasters, and on hikes in the fall when the Aspen change colors. Now, because I don't do anything, the kids sit in front of the computer or the TV. It's affected the whole house, and I'm powerless to stop it. The past is gone, and the future is uncertain. So when right now is good, you should enjoy it. And when right now sucks, we're only a modem away. :-) I bet many people on this group don't see themselves as " strong " people. I would also bet just about everyone here really is. Strong doesn't mean you don't bend, it means you bend but don't break. So be strong... -- prr " Debbie " sdlentz2@...> wrote: Your 2 stories are wonderful! I'm starting to notice these things, too. I can now wash my hair and not have a breakdown over the amount of loss. I can walk up the stairs and not have to sit at the top for my heart to stop racing. I can talk to my kids and actually be in touch with them. I can make it through a day with out crying. BUT -- what I am noticing is that I'm not letting myself *really* enjoy these things. I take note of them and write them on my symptoms spreadsheeet, but I guess I'm too scared to believe they're really going to last. I've had soooo many ups and downs the last few years -- where I'd feel better and then it would be gone. I think I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop again. And even though I now know why I had those ups and downs in the past (adrenals), I just don't know how to let myself go and enjoy the improvements because if I have another setback, it would be too much of a disappointment. So I put a wall up to protect myself from the inevitable let down. But, what if this time, there isn't a letdown? What if it really stays? When do I let myself believe it? I guess I'm rambling, but does any of this make sense? Also, just last night, my husband was starting to reminisce about when we first got married. I told him right now it's too hard for me to do that (which kinda upset my husband). But if I look back at the good times, I realize that I'm still not quite back to my original self -- and that also, it makes me too sad because I realize how much I missed while being sick all these years. I look at how old my boys are and know how much I missed. I look at the years my husband and I spent fighting before we knew what was wrong and it all makes me so sad. So at this point, I prefer to just live in the moment, and not look back at either the good or bad times because I just can't deal with it yet. But, yet at the same time, I've put that wall up from *truly* enjoying the better times now! What a mess I am, huh? Maybe it's just that after fighting this for so long, it's hard to just plain live again. Sorry so long. Debbie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 4, 2005 Report Share Posted March 4, 2005 Just when I was feeling a little huffy about you calling *ahem* 50 ancient, you go and be nice - and just in the nick of time, Scout! ;o) ... >I And when right now sucks, we're only a modem >away. :-) >So be strong... -- prr Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 4, 2005 Report Share Posted March 4, 2005 Just when I was feeling a little huffy about you calling *ahem* 50 ancient, you go and be nice - and just in the nick of time, Scout! ;o) ... >I And when right now sucks, we're only a modem >away. :-) >So be strong... -- prr Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 4, 2005 Report Share Posted March 4, 2005 Just when I was feeling a little huffy about you calling *ahem* 50 ancient, you go and be nice - and just in the nick of time, Scout! ;o) ... >I And when right now sucks, we're only a modem >away. :-) >So be strong... -- prr Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 4, 2005 Report Share Posted March 4, 2005 Ross - Thanks so much for this support. Since I originally wrote this morning, my husband fell 3 feet onto concrete on the back of his head and upper back while working on a tractor. I just got home from the hospital where they have him in ICU to watch him overnight. The CAT scan showed he does have some breakage on his skull and some bleeding underneath. But the ER doc thinks we'll just have to watch him, (no surgery), but are waiting the neurosurgeon's opinion in the morning. (Oh, I guess it actually is morning, now.) I came home to take my contacts out and get a little rest before going back, and I decided to just check it here real quick. I'm so glad everyone's just a modem away. It makes the house feel not so quiet right now. You're right that we are strong. We've dealt with my thyroid problems and are still together and strong. Now we'll deal with this -- whatever it is. I am very grateful that I'm feeling this much better now so I can be here for him. Funny how everything turns around so fast. Thanks - Debbie > Your 2 stories are wonderful! I'm starting to notice these things, > too. I can now wash my hair and not have a breakdown over the amount > of loss. I can walk up the stairs and not have to sit at the top for > my heart to stop racing. I can talk to my kids and actually be in > touch with them. I can make it through a day with out crying. > > BUT -- what I am noticing is that I'm not letting myself *really* > enjoy these things. I take note of them and write them on my symptoms > spreadsheeet, but I guess I'm too scared to believe they're really > going to last. I've had soooo many ups and downs the last few years > -- where I'd feel better and then it would be gone. I think I'm just > waiting for the other shoe to drop again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 5, 2005 Report Share Posted March 5, 2005 i prayed for you too! --claudia > Just checked in, myself, before tucking in. So sorry to hear of your hubby's accident. So glad you are healing so you can be present for your DH. Rest when you can, too. Please, add my prayers for your husband's speedy recovery, Debbie. > > ... > > > ----- Original Message ----- > I just got home from the > hospital where they have him in ICU to watch him overnight. The CAT > scan showed he does have some breakage on his skull and some bleeding > underneath. But the ER doc thinks we'll just have to watch him, (no > surgery), but are waiting the neurosurgeon's opinion in the morning. > ..., and I decided to just check it here real quick. I'm so glad > everyone's just a modem away. Thanks - Debbie > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 5, 2005 Report Share Posted March 5, 2005 i prayed for you too! --claudia > Just checked in, myself, before tucking in. So sorry to hear of your hubby's accident. So glad you are healing so you can be present for your DH. Rest when you can, too. Please, add my prayers for your husband's speedy recovery, Debbie. > > ... > > > ----- Original Message ----- > I just got home from the > hospital where they have him in ICU to watch him overnight. The CAT > scan showed he does have some breakage on his skull and some bleeding > underneath. But the ER doc thinks we'll just have to watch him, (no > surgery), but are waiting the neurosurgeon's opinion in the morning. > ..., and I decided to just check it here real quick. I'm so glad > everyone's just a modem away. Thanks - Debbie > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 5, 2005 Report Share Posted March 5, 2005 i prayed for you too! --claudia > Just checked in, myself, before tucking in. So sorry to hear of your hubby's accident. So glad you are healing so you can be present for your DH. Rest when you can, too. Please, add my prayers for your husband's speedy recovery, Debbie. > > ... > > > ----- Original Message ----- > I just got home from the > hospital where they have him in ICU to watch him overnight. The CAT > scan showed he does have some breakage on his skull and some bleeding > underneath. But the ER doc thinks we'll just have to watch him, (no > surgery), but are waiting the neurosurgeon's opinion in the morning. > ..., and I decided to just check it here real quick. I'm so glad > everyone's just a modem away. Thanks - Debbie > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 5, 2005 Report Share Posted March 5, 2005 Me too. I think this qualifies as " sucking'. You may need to increase your adrenal dosage -- this is a lot of stress, and you don't want to crash. Be sure to feed yourself too. Hang in there, and keep us informed how he's doing. -- prr " claudia " claudia_homer@... wrote: i prayed for you too! --claudia > Just checked in, myself, before tucking in. So sorry to hear of your hubby's accident. So glad you are healing so you can be present for your DH. Rest when you can, too. Please, add my prayers for your husband's speedy recovery, Debbie. > > ... > > > ----- Original Message ----- > I just got home from the > hospital where they have him in ICU to watch him overnight. The CAT > scan showed he does have some breakage on his skull and some bleeding > underneath. But the ER doc thinks we'll just have to watch him, (no > surgery), but are waiting the neurosurgeon's opinion in the morning. > ..., and I decided to just check it here real quick. I'm so glad > everyone's just a modem away. Thanks - Debbie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 5, 2005 Report Share Posted March 5, 2005 So true!! Actually, before we headed to the ER, I decided to take an extra adrenal. And I do it helped because I did have some adrenal symptoms, but they didn't get terribly bad and by today they've improved a lot. I was able to stay fairly calm too. So I think I'll continue to take some extra for a while. I wrote an update earlier, but basically we're very lucky. He did crack his skull, but can move everything and reflexes, etc. are all ok. Right now, he just has a horrendous headache. Debbie > i prayed for you too! --claudia > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 5, 2005 Report Share Posted March 5, 2005 So true!! Actually, before we headed to the ER, I decided to take an extra adrenal. And I do it helped because I did have some adrenal symptoms, but they didn't get terribly bad and by today they've improved a lot. I was able to stay fairly calm too. So I think I'll continue to take some extra for a while. I wrote an update earlier, but basically we're very lucky. He did crack his skull, but can move everything and reflexes, etc. are all ok. Right now, he just has a horrendous headache. Debbie > i prayed for you too! --claudia > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 5, 2005 Report Share Posted March 5, 2005 So true!! Actually, before we headed to the ER, I decided to take an extra adrenal. And I do it helped because I did have some adrenal symptoms, but they didn't get terribly bad and by today they've improved a lot. I was able to stay fairly calm too. So I think I'll continue to take some extra for a while. I wrote an update earlier, but basically we're very lucky. He did crack his skull, but can move everything and reflexes, etc. are all ok. Right now, he just has a horrendous headache. Debbie > i prayed for you too! --claudia > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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