Morale/Venting LONG

[Guest guest]

I'm wondering, how do you all deal with keeping your spirits positive?

Its so difficult when you have so many limitations put on you.

I was diagnosed with FM and CFS in 97. I also suffer with arthritis and

borderline thyroid disease (I have the autoantibodies for thyroid

disease, yet my thyroid tests come back normal.) Being a single mom

since my kids were babies, I have always found a way to use my creative

talents to make extra money. I sewed for many years, making clothes,

dolls, etc and made extra $$ for my kids.

Well, the kids are grown and moved out, I'm on my own for the first

times in my life. I was making teddy bears before being diagnosed, was

able to do that for some time after I had to stop working, but didn't

make money from it-the supplies and show fees are so expensive, and the

field is very competitive. What I did sell, I sold on e-Bay for half of

what it was worth.

The past 7 months have been very difficult for me. I haven't made any

bears (which was a great source of joy for me for several years) and my

CFS was bad and depression increased. Just within the past month, I

started feeling well enough to want to try something different. I

joined a few doll collector lists, although I have a small collection,

I've always loved dolls. I saw how much these ladies loved their dolls,

so I started making some clothes, to see if I could sell them. This

past week, I posted some pictures, feeling excited about what I was able

to accomplish, and nothing. Oh, people liked my work, got lots of

compliments, but no sales.

I'm feeling very discouraged...well, more like a loser. It seems like

every time I try to make things better, I get no where. I wonder if

should just go back to work, but then I 'd lose all my benefits, and

feel worse. Since my divorce, I was always optimistic about

remarrying, but never found that special person. I guess I was more

focused on raising my kids. Well, the kids are on their own, I should

be enjoying my life, but instead, I'm worried about how will I get the

money to get through another month. I've given up the idea of ever

meeting someone to spend the rest of my life with...heck, if I couldn't

find someone when I was younger, thinner and healther, how the heck

could I ever believe I could find someone now?

I read the message yesterday about " where the monkey drops the ball "

well, I'm so down about everything, can't even find strength in any

type of philosophy - I figure, whats the use, nothing will change. The

only change that has occurred is things have gotten worse. I was not

always this negative, I used to be very optimistic...

I can't take any meds to make me feel better...I'm very sensitive to

meds and have serious reactions to what has been given to me so far.

I'm worn out from trying new stuff, because the results are the same.

Sorry for going on so long... I needed to vent.

Cathy