Guest guest Posted July 13, 2004 Report Share Posted July 13, 2004 These are good! For those with No children, this is totally hysterical! For those > > > > >who already have children past this age, this is hilarious. For those > >who have children this age, this is not funny. For those who have > >children nearing this age, this is a warning. For those who have not yet > >had children, this is birth control! > > > >The following came from an anonymous Mother in Austin, Texas: > > > >Things I've learned from my Children (honest & no kidding): > > > >1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. > >house 4 inches deep. > > > >2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with > >roller blades, they can ignite. > > > >3. A 3-year old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded > >restaurant. > > > >4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not > >strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a > >Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to > >spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room. > > > >5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. > >When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few > >times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way. > > > >6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball > >hit by a ceiling fan. > > > >7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words " uh oh, " > >it's already too late. > > > >8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it. > > > >9. A six-year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a > >36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies. > > > >10. Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a > >4-year old. > > > >11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same > >sentence. > > > >12. Super glue is forever. > > > >13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still > >can't walk on water. > > > >14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O. > > > >15. VCR's do not eject PB & J sandwiches even though TV commercials > >show they do. > > > >16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes. > > > >17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving. > > > >18. You probably do not want to know what that odor is. > > > >19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do > >not like ovens. > > > >20. The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time. > > > >21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms > >dizzy. > > > >22. It will, however, make cats dizzy. > > > >23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy. > > > >24. The mind of a 6-year old is wonderful. First grade...true > >story: > >One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Three > >Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where > >the first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his > >home. She read, " ..And so the pig went up to the man with the > >wheelbarrow full of straw and said, 'Pardon me sir, but may I have some > >of that straw to build my house?' " The teacher paused then asked the > >class, " And what do you think that man said? " One little boy raised his > >hand and said, " I think he said...'Holy crap! A talking pig!' " The > >teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes. > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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