Re: venting versus fixing

[Guest guest]

Marie,

WOW..is all I can say....WOW...lol that was VERY, VERY well put. Thank

you I enjoyed your post.

Allicia

[Guest guest]

I keep hearing comments about gender and lack of support. As a nurse

teaching people ways to cope, there are some who choose to hang on to

their disease and disability for what it does for them. what I'm saying

will upset those who may realize a grain of truth inside of them. don't

let your emotions get ahead of you.

I noticed a pattern in students who would say they could NOT do something

and actually if they did, it would change they way they lived their life

and they were not ready to change. the psychology is different in each

person. what " rewards " do they get from having this diagnosis or the

symptoms? is it a chip on their shoulder, a wound they lead with so you

relate to them from this problem or a higher level of who they are?

I'm not blaming anyone. its how you choose to let the disorder control

your life or if you remain in control of what you can control. anyone can

have unrealistic expectations whether they have FM or not. some want to

just complain and " lead with their wounds " as Carolyn Myss says in her

books. A person needs to look at how they present themself to the

world...as a person who has a positive outlook, does what they can for

themself, has interests and activities within their abilities or do they

present from the illness, what they can't do and how we should feel sorry

for them. do they keep patterns that keep them sick?

take a deep breath, its just a different way to look at things. I

understand the pain, fatigue and disability. I started with Hepatitis

when the nursing home behind us did not maintain their system. I almost

died, our dog did. so I'm not being unsympathetic. I've lived the daily

pain and desperation. I've lost the kind of life I thought I would have.

I lost friends who did not understand. but I choose to look at what I CAN

do. I look at what I can do for a symptom. its where you put your focus,

your energy. like gardening, what you nurture will grow.

on days I focus on my disability I feel so bad. on days I focus on my

abilities I feel I CAN do some things. and pacing is so important. look

at what you really do in a day. some students just had too much on their

plate, got upset when they could not be superhuman and it trashed their

immune system that could not keep up. add some mysterious cause and it

becomes chronic. things get out of balance and we don't know how to get

them back in balance. there is usually an emotional upset that goes with

it to compound it.

FM or not, life has to have balance. if we don't deal with our emotions

and stuff them they can also add to our problems. it can eat us up

inside. if we focus on what we don't have, we see more of what we don't

have. the glass being half full or half empty. learning to get out the

emotions is essential. I teach my kids how, we all have emotions to heal.

each of you probably has a computer, so we are a group that does have

some good things. but do you sit and type away about your problems or do

you take time to get up and stretch, straighten up to keep the room

cheerful, go to sites for fun things, hobbies, jokes that make you laugh

or do you stay where your " wounds " can stay open? not that we don't need

to support each other. we get on this path in different ways. in some

cultures you are allowed to grieve 3 times then after that you pick up

your part and move on. its not that simple with FM, the daily challenges.

but a lot is where you put your attention.

looking to be ignored will make anyone find the lack of support, for no

one on this board gets much personal acknowledgement. the more a person

complains, you start to see a pattern. its a fact of some larger email

boards, so much to read and move on. most of us are adults, we don't need

to baby anyone. we can be compassionate but don't need to apologize for

not doing what we don't have time for. I rarely get a reply or comment

but I did not come here to have anyone tell me they were listening each

time. even if only one person gets some glimmer of help from my message I

will be happy.

but if you are a person who WANTS a response, be very clear upfront in

your message. we need to learn to be clear with our wants and needs and

OWN it. but know that people are busy, they are not mean or unsupportive,

just not mind readers. we are all here because we share many challenges.

women tend to talk more but usually are juggling a lot on their plate. my

husband teases me about doing 6 things at once, no wonder i'm tired. he

says that men's brains work different. they do one thing at a time. I

think its because most of us are mom's so we have to be able to think

about the kids, the house, the next meal, our job, our friends, huband,

is there enough dog food till the next grocery trip....but most husbands

just wait for the wife to give them the next chore. some are smart and do

know how to plan ahead and share but it may work better for one to be in

charge. I look for solutions so does that make me more like a man?

its all about what works best for YOUR needs. I run my own website but

because I'm a nurse educator my students expect me to have the answers

and none of us do or we'd be cured. I'm healing my life by working on

what is out of balance, finding joy in what I do have. being thankful to

have found a board I can skim for things that help. maybe help someone

along the way.

sorry this is long but I keep seeing the hurt and unrealistic

expectations coloring the conversation. if I read a message that does not

resonate with me I move on. I use the page down and delete key, have my

web setting to get the digest message. I use what lifts me up and bless

those but move on from what brings me down. working with Healing touch,

energy, essential oils, you learn to keep your energy up to help your

body to be healthier. I've learned to work from my higher energies

inspite of my physical body limitations. its too painful to be in this

body but its mine to care for with respect.

I tell my students, its working from your abilities, not your

disabilities. so if this group does not meet your needs there are many

more. value where you are with your healing process but please don't

smack those who are not at the place you are. its not their fault, you

can accept how they are or move on. we can NOT change another person

unless they choose to want to change. its about choice. we can earn

respect or pity. its how you show yourself to the world. you are a Divine

Creature of God, sent here for a reason, its about finding your path and

if you stayed true to your Creator along the way. its not our place to

put down the women who want to only vent or the person who wants more

support, that's just where they are right now and if it makes them feel

better, that's what its about as long as its not at someone else's

expense.

time for a stretch and water break!

Blessings,

Marie

anaturalplace.com

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