HMOs

[Guest guest]

That would be funny

if it weren’t true! I have no insurance now except my Medicare. When I

get insured from my husbands’ job it will be one of the worst! I worry

but oh well, if they kill me than my worries are over.

From: Sue Mechem

Sent: Wednesday, July 14, 2004

3:22 PM

To: LUPIES

Subject: Fw: HMOs FAQs

<g>

Q. What does HMO stand

for?

A. This is actually a variation of the phrase, " HEY MOE. " Its roots

go back to a concept pioneered by Moe of the Three Stooges, who discovered that

a patient could be made to forget about the pain in his foot if he was poked

hard enough in the eye.

Q. I just signed up for Medical Insurance. How difficult will it be to choose

the doctor I want?

A. Just slightly more difficult than choosing your parents. Your insurer will

provide you with a book listing all the doctors in the plan. These doctors

basically fall into two categories - those who are no longer accepting new

patients, and those who will see you but are no longer participating in the

plan. But don't worry; the remaining doctor who is still in the plan and accepting

new patients has an office just a half-day's drive away, and a diploma from a

Third World country.

Q. Do all diagnostic procedures require pre-certification?

A. No. Only those you need.

Q. Can I get coverage for my pre-existing conditions?

A. Certainly, as long as they don't require any treatment.

Q. What happens if I want to try alternative forms of medicine?

A. You'll need to find alternative forms of payment.

Q. My pharmacy plan only covers generic drugs, but I need the name brand. I

tried the Generic Medication, but it gave me a stomach ache. What should

I do?

A. Poke yourself in the eye.

Q. What if I'm away from home and I get sick?

A. You really shouldn't do that.

Q. I think I need to see a specialist, but my doctor insists he can handle my

problem. Can a general practitioner really perform a heart transplant right in

his office?

A. Hard to say, but considering that all you're risking is the $20 co-payment,

what could be the harm in giving him a shot at it?

Q. Will health care be different in the next century?

A. No. But if you call right now, you might get an appointment by then.

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