How do these people survive

[Guest guest]

How do these people survive?

ONE. Recently, when I went to Mc's I saw on the menu

that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked

for a half dozen nuggets. " We don't have half dozen nuggets, " said the

teenager at the counter. " You don't? " I replied. " We only have six,

nine, or twelve, " was the reply. " So I can't order a half dozen nuggets,

but I can order six? " " That's right. " So I shook my head and ordered

six McNuggets.

TWO. I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with just a few

items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I

picked up one of those " dividers " that they keep by the cash register

and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed. After the

girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the " divider " , looking

it all over for the bar code so she could scan it. Not finding the bar

code she said to me, " Do you know how much this is? " I said to her

" I've changed my mind, I don't think I'll buy that today. " She said

" OK, " and I paid her for the things and left. She had no clue to what

had just happened.

THREE. A lady at work was seen putti ng a credit card into her

floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly. When I inquired as to what

she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept

asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM " thingy. "

FOUR. I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her

car. " Do you need some help? " I asked. She replied, " I knew I should

have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get

into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store)

would have a battery to fit this? " " Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an

alarm, too? " I asked. " No, just this remote thingy, " she answered,

handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually

unlocked the door, I replied, " Why don't you drive over there and check

about the batteries. It's a long walk. "

FIVE. Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift.

One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, " I'm almost

out of typing paper. What do I do? " " Just use copier machine paper, "

the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining

blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make

five " blank " copies.

SIX. I was in a car dealership a while ago, when a large motor

home was towed into the garage. The front of the vehicle was in dire

need of repair and the whole thing generally looked like an extra in

" Twister. " I asked the manager what had happened. He told me that the

driver had set the " cruise control " and then went in the back to make a

sandwich.

SEVEN. My neighbor works in the operations department in the

central office of a large bank. Employees in the field call him when

they have problems with their computers. One night he got a call from a

woman in one of the branch banks who had this question: " I've got smoke

coming from the back of my terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown? "

EIGHT. Police in Radnor, Pa., interrogated a suspect by placing a

metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy

machine. The message " He's lying " was placed in the copier, and police

pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't

telling the truth. Believing the " lie detector " was working, the suspect

confessed.

NINE. A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she

needs to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid was eating ants.

The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and should be

fine, the mother says, I just gave him some ant killer..... Dispatcher:

Rush him in to emergency!