The Constant Battle.

[Guest guest]

Well its 4:00 a.m. and I'm already wide-awake and have been since 2:30. I am

sooo frustrated with everything right now. I don't have a job, no money, and

am in TONS of pain. I want to work, but am soo embarrassed and afraid that I

keep putting everything off. The last job I had I passed out due to the pain

of the Fibro in my legs. The fired me needless to say.

This doesn't make sence to me on most days. I swear I would run through the

whole town naked...even eating cheese if I could get rid of this Poopy stuff.

Most days I'm so wore out its all I can do to walk downstairs and let the dog

out. By the time I get back upstairs to the air conditioning and my bed I

have to take a nap before I can let the poor puppers back inside.

My doctor told me that the knot on the back of my neck means that I'm under

alot of stress and the more stress I'm under the bigger it gets...I don't

know the relavance to this, but I have noticed it is getting quiet a bit

bigger. My mother has this as well and she has been diagnosed with

Osteoprosis.

My shoulders are extremely tight and achy this morning...the constant nagging

of this disease is all I can handle somedays. I would say right now my pain

is about a 8.

I'm sooo sleepy right now, but can not go to sleep. I lay down and my head

starts racing a million miles a minute. I get up and its all I can do to stay

awake. I'm tired of fighting.....This disease is a constant battle and I'm

soooo tired of fighting....

Everyone says to me....what are you going to do when you get to be 30 or 40

years old.....and I just make a joke out of it and say Oh I don't even want

to think about it.....but ya know what the hell am I going to do....Heck I

feel like I'm 65 now...and I'm only 22....what am I going to do in another 10

years??? At this rate ....and the way I feel right now....I'm afraid to even

live that long....I hope I do....but Im scared to death.

Allicia