Complaints

[Guest guest]

Sorry to be so negative after just joining this group,

but I am having a very hard time. Having just been

diagnosed, I thought, well, at least I know what's

going on, what's wrong with me and that will help me

to cope better. Then I started getting chest

pains...really bad ones. The first time we called the

dr. he said to call 911, an ambulance came and took me

away to the hospital. Thought I was having a heart

attack. That was about 2-3 weeks ago. Then Wednesday

night, the same thing happened. One minute I'm just

fine (or at least as fine as I get) and the next

minute I am in such pain in my chest, back and left

arm that I can't stand up. I know this time it's not

a heart attack, so I go to urgent care, they keep me

there for 4 hours, finally give me a shot of morphine,

and send me home. I've done very litte but sleep and

explode with anger since then.

It is so hard for me to get used to this. Many times

I've put off doing something because I could do it

later, or I just didn't feel like doing it now, but

always rescheduled it. Now I find myself just truly

NOT ABLE to do the things that need done! I just

can't reconcile myself to this. The biggest thing is

homeschooling my 2 boys, ages 6 and 8. Anyone can

vacuum or throw in a load of laundry or pick up toys

or clean the bathroom, and dh has been doing the

shopping for over a year now, but only I can school

the boys. So between naps, I attempt to put in a

lesson, and of course they're busy, into a movie or a

game, etc, and don't want to be bothered. A lot has

to do with discipline, they need to learn, mostly the

8 year old, that he needs to do what I tell him, when

I tell him, and not just " because I said so " but

because this may be our only opportunity today.

So now, I'm very depressed, and want to do little more

than lay in bed. When I lay in bed I smoke. I take

my pain pills and my antidepressants and I read and

smoke and sleep, and I get more and more depressed. I

don't get hungry very often, but I have to eat because

my pills make me sick if I don't. So I'm gaining

weight. Which depresses me. I just turned 45,

which is a depressing age. And this anger I feel is

way out of normal...anger isn't even the right word

for it, much too mild a word. My dr. isn't happy with

my level of antidepressants, he says they're barely

theraputic levels, but he's had to cut back on them

because my liver enzymes were up.

Well, thanks for letting me vent. I wish I could say

I feel better, but I don't. I'm going to get some

bills paid and then go back to bed. The boys are all

still asleep, the girls have left for school, and dh

gets home from work early today. Maybe he'll clean up

this joint a little for me. I'm just sooo tired.

It's been a while since I've had good sleep, maybe I'm

just catching up.

Nancie

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Nancie

Healthy Homes mean Healthy Children, which lead to a Healthy Future

Work from home...ask me how!

http://nanciet.themomteam.com

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