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60 above zero: Floridians turn on the heat. Minnesotans plant gardens.

50 above zero: Californians shiver uncontrollably. People are

sunbathing in Duluth.

40 above zero: Import cars won't start. Minnesotans drive with the

sunroof open.

32 above zero: Distilled water freezes. The water in Bemidji gets thicker.

20 above zero: New Mexicans don long johns, parkas and wool hats &

mittens. Minnesotans throw on a flannel shirt.

15 above zero: New York landlords finally turn on the heat. People in

Minnesota have one last cookout before it gets cold.

Zero: People in Miami all die. Minnesotans close the windows.

10 below zero: Californians fly away to Mexico Minnesotans dig their

winter coats out of storage.

25 below zero: Hollywood disintegrates. Girl Scouts in Minnesota still

selling cookies door to door.

40 below zero: Washington, D.C. finally runs out of hot air. People in

Minnesota let their dogs sleep indoors.

100 below zero: Santa Claus abandons the North Pole. Minnesotans get

upset because the Mini-Van won't start.

460 below zero: ALL atomic motion stops (absolute zero on the Kelvin

scale). People in Minnesota can be heard to say, " Cold 'nuff fer ya? "

500 below zero: Hell freezes over. Minnesota public schools open 2

hours late

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