A newbie

[Guest guest]

Hi,

From the title you might guess that I'm a newbie to this list. I'm 23 and

was diagnosed with FMS about three months ago. I've had pain in my joints

and muscles for a while (over a year) but never really connected the two

together - which now seems pretty stupid. It started getting worse about six

months ago and I also began to get much more tired than normal. The first

doctor I went to said I was depressed (uh-huh - tired, in pain, and had been

having bad period cramps for a week - you try not to be tearful). Then I

went to my GP and managed not to get the idiot trainee again and he finally

made me tell him everything that was going on, did some tests (and I'd like

to mention ow!) and diagnosed me. Until I began reading up on FMS I thought

everything had been in my head - pain, exhaustion, insomnia, nausea and

cramps, forgetting words...none of it seemed to fit so I figured I was

either nuts or imagining it. I'm grateful to find out that I'm not and there

are other people out there who know what's going on.

Part of me is grateful to finally know what's happening but part of me also

feels guilty. I have managed to hold down my job (on reduced hours) and am

working towards a degree so I feel guilty for still being so able when so

many others aren't. Job and degree are difficult and I'm really glad that my

parents are going to support me to give up work next year and concentrate on

my studies. Maybe the time out will give me a break to get my health under

control!

I'm also frightened by what's happening to my body and terrified that I'll

end up on lots of meds. I hate taking pills of any kinds. The doc tried to

put me on some anti-depressants but the side-effects were too bad so I came

off. The only example I have of an FMS person is a friend of my aunt's who

abuses her meds and won't do anything to help herself feel better. I am

scared that people will think that's what I'm turning into.

Whew! That turned into a long moan when all I intended was a quick 'hi'

message. I guess a lot of people have been at this point before and have

heard these kinds of rants. Usually I stick to torturing the characters in

the stories I write rather than venting at actual people! I'd better sign

off before I add any more to this message. This seems like a friendly group

and knowing that I'm not the only one makes me feel a little better (even

though I wish none of us had this).

Kath