If you could use a good laugh...

[Guest guest]

Okay, Lupies, I have been quite a downer for the past few days. I am

still down, but a friend sent me this story to cheer me up. It made

me laugh so hard that I just have to pass it on. I will warn ya..

it's a little longer than most.. but well worth it.

SCRUFFY'S BATH

Have you ever had one of those days when everything

went wrong at the same time? Have you ever tried to stop the chain of

events just to find that you were right in the middle of the big

puddle? Well, I slid right into it thanks to three lovable creatures.

Background: I am the temporary keeper of a canary and two-week old

kitten. I'm allergic to cats and birds. I probably wouldn't have such

a headache and runny eyes if that kitten would be happy anywhere

besides on my lap or at my feet. But I just can't resist loving the

little creature.

First, let me remind you that I have a two-pound dog who thinks he is

King Kong. Therefore, that's actually where this tale should begin.

MY DOG!

I don't know what I'm going to do with him. He has taken over

the 'motherly' duties for the kitten. His animal instincts tell him

that the kitty was taken away from it's momma before it was time. He

has assumed guardianship as well as 'body guard' duties. Within two

weeks, he has attacked me four times because of the kitty... He never

socialized with felines in the past, but this is a baby.

He washes her constantly until she can't take anymore. When she

starts taking swipes at him, he growls at me as if he wants me to

make her behave. He's a quick learner especially when he realized

that she wants to 'nurse' from him. He does some quick maneuvering to

keep her from getting under him. I never realized he could jump

straight up in the air.

Last Wednesday started out like any other 'sane' day in our

household, but then it changed. At the time I did not think It was

hilarious at all, but in retrospect, I think it is.

I had to do something or increase my allergy medication. So, I sat

the bird cage on my kitchen counter so I could clean it. Before

starting this job, I decided to bathe the dog. The kitty was running

around free to do as she pleased. Oh, the kitty's name is Spot

Patches Punky Skunky K.C. DurnU Kitty. Don't try saying it too

quickly. The reason for this name (which is larger than she) is yet

another story.

I'm in control. I'm queen of the house and 'master' of the beasts.

I had prepared the dog's bath water half an hour earlier. I have to

be really sneaky when it comes to giving him a bath. It's all out war

when I give him one. He was busy watching the kitty who was being

entertained by the canary; therefore, he didn't notice the bath water

going and didn't hide.

I offered him a treat, and being gullible, he came for it. I swooped

him up and placed him in the sink filled with soapy water. The fight

began. He twisted constantly, growled, and fought all the way. He's a

real trouper at bath time. He has won this fight more than once.

Suddenly I caught a movement on the counter. The kitten was at the

bird cage pushing the door up with her little paw. I yelled at the

kitten to get down. My dog bit me for yelling at his kitty then he

jumped out of the sink splashing water all over me and the floor. He

ran across the counter to get the kitten, but instead of stopping the

kitten, he proceeded to help her get the bird!

The cage door came open, out flew the bird. The kitten was chasing

the bird, and the dog was in hot pursuit. I'm still shaken and trying

to take in everything that's happening.

I joined the chase, and what a merry chase it was. The bird was doing

his best to avoid the kitten. I didn't know which one to go for first

until I remembered the window without the screen was opened.

At last, by climbing onto the bookshelf so I could reach the ceiling

beam, I grabbed the bird and shoved it down the front of my blouse.

Not realizing the chase was coming to an end, kitty jumped on me to

climb up my body using extremely sharp claws. It's a very determined

kitten. I pulled kitty off me along with some of my clothing and some

blood-soaked skin. I forcibly shoved her into my apron pocket.

That left my dog still in the chase. He could not handle the

injustice being done to his kitty so he attacked me (I thank the Lord

he has no front teeth). I yell at him to take time out which he does

grudgingly. Time out practice is explained in his upcoming pages.

I returned to the kitchen where it all began, but the chase had not

yet ended. As I went to place the bird in the cage I slipped in the

bath water which was on the floor. There was nothing to grab hold of

so I landed on the floor with a loud thump and an even louder moan ~

might have been a curse word in there to if I remember correctly.

By this time the poor scared bird was trying to peck it's way through

my breast, the kitten was clawing it's way through the apron to get

the bird and the dog was behind the couch (time out area) barking at

me.

The phone started ringing, my grandson was banging at the kitchen

door while someone else was hitting the door bell out front. The

alarm on my oven went off just as the unbalance alarm went off on my

clothes washer.

I remember looking up towards heaven thinking what's next when the

pager went off and I damn near jumped out of my skin. It was too much

for me to handle. I couldn't stop the tears. Then, I started laughing

which was even worse. Here I sat on the floor in a puddle of water

being clawed and pecked and growled at. I laughed until my jaws and

ribs ached. I am beginning to have some real self-doubts about my

sanity.

Next time, I'll put kitty in the basket, leave the canary hanging

from the ceiling and take that dog to a groomer!