What I gain from having Fibro

August 29, 2002

I thought the post about what people have to gain from their sickness is very

interesting. I'll give 2 examples how I've felt this impact in my life.

Last summer, I was going through a very dark period in my life and was in and

out of suicidality. My psychiatrist and I had several discussions about what I

gained from being suicidal. What I gained was having that " quick fix. " As a

recovering bulemic and alcoholic who was clean/abstinent for the first time

since I was 8 - I knew the answer. Suicidality had become my drug of choice.

As I gave up my suicidality, I was forced to learn how to deal with day to day

life without any easy outs.

I am also a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. My *theory* about why I (and no

one else) have fibro is that it is a result of all the physical and emotional

trauma held in my body. As an ultimate people pleaser, I kept running myself

into the ground. I could never make room to heal. I could not say " no " to

people - especially those I loved.

Having fibro has taught me to say " no " and it has opened up the doors for me to

allow others to take care of me (I was always the caretaker.) As I find ways to

manage my fibro, I risk other people beginning to expect more of me. My

personal challenge is learning to say " no " simply b/c I want to and not b/c I'm

too tired, too achy, etc.

Does this mean fibro is all in my head? Well, in my view, yes (kind of.) I'm a

firm believer that body, mind and spirit cannot be seperated. How we think

about ourselves - how we love - or don't love - ourselves influences how we feel

in our physical bodies. As I'm learning to love myself and heal from old

wounds, I find my fibro is more easily managed. As I get sucked into vortices

of stress, I find my fibro worsens.

I want to make sure to qualify the above my saying it is *my opinion* -- it is

what works for *me*. Take what you want and leave the rest.

There are as many paths to healing as there are people on the journey.

Thanks for " listening " ,

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