Fwd: a heartwarmer: Cookie Cutter Life

June 2, 2000

This reminded me of my school days and the awful fact that kids can be cruel

to each other and not realize the devastating impact they have on another

child's life, I lived that life as a child and it destroyed my self esteem

and self confidence even into adulthood. ...Cathy....

<< COOKIE CUTTER LIFE

When you look into the eyes of your newborn baby, you vow that no one

will ever hurt her.

Unrealistic, but you try nonetheless, and even succeed for awhile.

That is, until that one fateful day that your child comes home from school,

upset but reluctant to tell you why.

When you find out, you are crushed because the source of the pain is

not within your ability to fix with a " band-aid " or a hug. Someone has

attacked your child, not with " sticks and stones, " but with hateful,

demeaning words.

These words are made even sharper and deadlier because a classmate

delivered them -- someone with whom your child is supposed to build fond

memories. When you are on the receiving end of vicious barbs, meant only

to tear down your self-esteem, you wonder why? What did you do? Can you

make it stop? And when you are a young beautiful girl in the fifth grade

you are devastated.

My daughter has had such an experience, not once, but many times over

the years. When she was five, she would try to play with the girls in the

neighborhood. These girls were all blondes, while she is a brunette with

big brown eyes (a child who could have very easily " worked " as a model.)

For some reason, these other little girls never accepted her, because she

was different. On another occasion, a classmate labeled her " fat " because

she is muscular and athletically built. Another time she was told she

couldn't play " ball " because she " was a girl " (the ball was a football, and

she throws a spiral that can challenge any boy.)

Now it was happening again; and oh was the girl sly! Becky (not her

real name) would walk past 's desk and whisper such comments as:

" Dork " , " Jerk " , and " Your Ugliness " just loud enough for her to hear but

quiet enough not to carry to the teacher. At lunchtime when the kids would

often swap items from their lunches, would either be excluded or

Becky would proclaim to the teacher that she had been hounding them for

food. This conversation always took place out of earshot from so

she couldn't defend herself (I found out from her teacher).

The teacher disregarded the incident as " girl's being catty " -- not

knowing that these small " victories " were adding stones to Becky's already

mountainous verbal attacks. Every time Becky looked like she was " getting

away with it " her following became more impressed. Why is it

that we find it difficult to accept people for what and who they are?

Do we really want bland cookie-cutter friends? Are we afraid to stand

up for change, but willing to follow the crowd?

I hope not. I don't want my children to grow up in that type of

world. With respect to the incident at school, she has confronted the girl

that " attacked " her, not with violence, but by innocently asking her " Why? "

The result is not in yet, but I'll let you know how it all works out,

good or bad.

Meantime, say a little prayer for all of us that don't fit the

cookie-cutter -- we have feelings too.

>>

Cathy in Lenoir, NC

BMI 42

Waiting on Insurance Approval

June 2, 2000

Amen Sister!!!!! I lived that life too - and it's taken me years to

get to a place where I feel somewhat confortable with myself,

although the weight still beats me down every minute of every day.

It's getting better though, and with this surgery I am hopeful for a

whole new life so I can let go of all of that. You are so right

about the cookie cutter - will that ever change? I would like to

think it can - but I don't have much hope for it - people are cruel.

> This reminded me of my school days and the awful fact that kids can

be cruel

> to each other and not realize the devastating impact they have on

another

> child's life, I lived that life as a child and it destroyed my self

esteem

> and self confidence even into adulthood. ...Cathy....

>

> << COOKIE CUTTER LIFE

>

> When you look into the eyes of your newborn baby, you vow

that no one

> will ever hurt her.

> Unrealistic, but you try nonetheless, and even succeed for

awhile.

> That is, until that one fateful day that your child comes home

from school,

> upset but reluctant to tell you why.

> When you find out, you are crushed because the source of the

pain is

> not within your ability to fix with a " band-aid " or a hug.

Someone has

> attacked your child, not with " sticks and stones, " but with

hateful,

> demeaning words.

> These words are made even sharper and deadlier because a

classmate

> delivered them -- someone with whom your child is supposed to

build fond

> memories. When you are on the receiving end of vicious barbs,

meant only

> to tear down your self-esteem, you wonder why? What did you do?

Can you

> make it stop? And when you are a young beautiful girl in the

fifth grade

> you are devastated.

> My daughter has had such an experience, not once, but many

times over

> the years. When she was five, she would try to play with the

girls in the

> neighborhood. These girls were all blondes, while she is a

brunette with

> big brown eyes (a child who could have very easily " worked " as a

model.)

> For some reason, these other little girls never accepted her,

because she

> was different. On another occasion, a classmate labeled her " fat "

because

> she is muscular and athletically built. Another time she was told

she

> couldn't play " ball " because she " was a girl " (the ball was a

football, and

> she throws a spiral that can challenge any boy.)

> Now it was happening again; and oh was the girl sly! Becky

(not her

> real name) would walk past 's desk and whisper such

comments as:

> " Dork " , " Jerk " , and " Your Ugliness " just loud enough for her to

hear but

> quiet enough not to carry to the teacher. At lunchtime when the

kids would

> often swap items from their lunches, would either be

excluded or

> Becky would proclaim to the teacher that she had been hounding

them for

> food. This conversation always took place out of earshot from

so

> she couldn't defend herself (I found out from her teacher).

> The teacher disregarded the incident as " girl's being catty "

-- not

> knowing that these small " victories " were adding stones to Becky's

already

> mountainous verbal attacks. Every time Becky looked like she was

" getting

> away with it " her following became more impressed. Why is it

> that we find it difficult to accept people for what and who they

are?

> Do we really want bland cookie-cutter friends? Are we afraid

to stand

> up for change, but willing to follow the crowd?

> I hope not. I don't want my children to grow up in that type

of

> world. With respect to the incident at school, she has confronted

the girl

> that " attacked " her, not with violence, but by innocently asking

her " Why? "

>

> The result is not in yet, but I'll let you know how it all

works out,

> good or bad.

> Meantime, say a little prayer for all of us that don't fit the

> cookie-cutter -- we have feelings too.

> >>

> Cathy in Lenoir, NC

> BMI 42

> Waiting on Insurance Approval

>

June 2, 2000