What a week!

[Guest guest]

It has been one of those weeks where everything that can go wrong has

went. My withdrawals have seemed to lead the way. The cut in dilaudid

spray from my medtronics pump has had me in the shakes all week. So

bad at times that, I pulled out all the stops. The catapres-tts

(Clonidine skin patches) stopped working after 6 days, I can't get

the new patch to start. I was having to use ativan to control most of

the shakes. I over did them an now in withdrawal from these as well

(2 per day). I managed to get my family doctor, Tuesday to take over

my pain care. There has only been slight pain and I have manage to

get by quite well without these. I did try some to help with the

withdrawals. They did nothing to stop the shakes, so I stopped even

trying to go this route. I was given altace to help with the heart

and chest problems this dilaudid is causing. There was also an

increase of Lantus and Humalog to help with the brittle diabetes.

This has failed to help as the high sugar continues to soar. I think

that the high-blood pressure has this out of control as well. My

blood-pressure has been high all week. Sleep has been whenever and to

far off to control. My weight is in the drop mode again. All

experiments in the burnout phase have had to be stopped. There have

no been to replies from the e-mails in search of a burned out

pancreas. I think everyone is correct, that there is no such person

who has done this. If so, I would at least found 1 person by now. My

depression is at an all time high. I am sitting in the direct path of

tropical storm Hannah, the rain has been heavy and the winds have

gotten rough throughout the day. I am in no shape to drive anyway. I

hope that these storms are not going to be much stronger. There are

tree limbs down in my yard as it is. I have promised God that I will

never go to another pain doctor who thinks he is God himself. From

the way it looks right now, the doctor and his dilaudid is what was

bringing me down. I need your prayers once again as the withdrawals

continue to rip out my soul. The sweats are heavy and the shakes are

stronger than ever. I could care less to eat and drink anything.

Typing this has been a problem with all the corrections, my fingers

seem to make. I think that another week of this is going to put me in

the hospital. It will not be under any pain doctor's orders, that is

for sure. There is but one God, and doctors are a dime a dozen. This

doctor will have to answer to God for doing this. A month into this

withdrawal and it is just like day 1. I am unsure what the future

holds. I just know that the next week is going to be my toughest, my

plans have all been used and nothing working.

Thanks,