Re: Re: Jeanne - adoption

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 10/27/2002 10:03:43 PM Central Standard Time,

ron88jen@... writes:

>

> Jeanne,

> Personally, I don't think so. Though, as adoptive parents also,

> somtimes I have to wonder if we were nuts....

> In our case, we adopted two kids that were originally supposed to be 6

> week placements....we thought we could do anything for 6 weeks...

> Anyway, 6 weeks became 2 yrs, then they were returned to a drug

> addicted mom and had a yr of hell. Then we got them back...after they

> bounced from emerg. shelters to foster homes they came back to us.

> Everything we had worked on fixing was gone. They both had severe

> behavior problems and we had pretty much helped them to solve all of

> that. They came back with much much worse problems (reactive

> attachment disorder), and the oldest has some really bad behavioural

> problems. If you email me privately, I could discuss it more but

> shouldn't online.

> There are times when we are dealing with extreme (I really do mean

> extreme) lying, stealing, fits that we both wonder what we have done

> to the rest of the family. Yet, we love them as our own, if that

> makes any sense. And more than that we honestly felt that we might be

> there only chance...there was certainly no one waiting in line to

> adopt them with their issues. One of them does have a lifelong

> medical problem (not cf) that only exacerbates the behaviors, because

> she can manipulate it as a behaviour thing. Still, for them I believe

> we did the right thing....for us, I am not always so sure. We cannot

> leave them with anyone, and the oldest is constantly getting kicked

> out of school. made the mistake of leaving them with family this

> weekend and I feel terrible the way she treated my mom. she is

> stillscreaming a fit right now, in fact and has refused to eat dinner

> (which is a huge issue due to her JD)

> I will also be honest....having three kids with CF of my own, I know

> in my heart that it would actually be easier to have adopted two more

> kids with CF as young kids (young enough that you don't have RAD as an

> issue) and without the behavioural component. I thought CF had an

> impact on the family and the rest of the kids until we encountered

> RAD. (and my kids with CF are high maint. CF....esp. Mallory, the 5

> yo who also has lots of other probs, asthma, osa, etc and is on ivs

> every 3 months regimen, has a port, etc... usually gets ivs

> about every 5 months or so, so its not like I am comparing to kids who

> just need enzymes or anything)

> MY sister is in process of adopting a little girl (cousins baby) with

> CF, actually.

> So this was a long way of saying, no, I don't think you are

> crazy...afterall, we never even planned to adopt and then we did,

> feeling it was the right thing to do. And, the child already lives

> with you, likely already considers you mom and dad (as our two adopted

> kiddos did...) and so it makes sense. If I was going to plan to adopt

> (which we prob. wouldn't because we have 5 biological kids), I think I

> would prefer to adopt a child with CF or anything medically fragile

> (CP, etc....even HIV) to one with RAD at this point.

> Hope this makes sense....have to leave out alot of detail so if you

> want more info, feel free to email me independently.

> Take care,

> Jen

> Mommy of 7, 3 with CF, two adopted, one with JD

>

WOW!! Jen how do you do it? Do you work? I think I would be out of my mind

with that kind of a load. You must be a Saint. Deb A