Re: Pancreatitis Debs from

November 18, 2002

Debs,

Obviously you have got more umph than me! I suppose you are right. I could do

it if I really wanted to, despite the drive and the long hours. Obviously, I

must not want to be there enough to really push myself. I'm sure that down the

road I'll feel the need to work part time. The ideal situation would be

something that allows me to work 1-2 days in an office and 1-2 days at home.

However, at this point, I honestly can't imagine being able to handle a full

time job that requires me to travel up to 50% of the time. ly, can't even

imagine being able to handle the full time job. Guess I am just a wimp. Oh,

well, thankfully, I am a wimp with all my family and doctors supporting me! In

addition to the pancreatitis issues, I have systemic lupus, which can be a butt

kicker by itself. Mind you, I know there are many here with health issues that

make mine look like the sniffles. However, we all have to do what we feel is

best for us. For me, I beleive in my heart that it is time to give up the full

time job. I'm in the process of applying for a disability retirement. I'm

pretty sure it will be approved as it was approved 2 years ago when I applied

before and my health was actually much better than now. I turned it down

because in the 3-4 months it took to process the paperwork my health had greatly

improved. I have fought the good fight. I am not giving up. It is just time

to move to a different battle. Thankfully, I have the full support of my

husband despite the signficant loss of income my disability retirement will

cause.

I'm sure you were just trying to be supportive. Maybe you thought that with

seeing that someone else can manage to work full time with even worse health

issues than me, I'd be able to get my butt into the office every day this week.

I'm glad you have managed to go back to work full time despite obviously very

major health issues. Geez, my longest hospitalization has been a week. I've

probably spent 43 days total in the hospital since July but at least they

weren't all at once. I shouldn't have been whining in my previous e-mail. I

know most have it much worse than me.

ly, all you did was tick me off. Maybe that's because I have asked myself

it there's not some truth in what you said. Maybe I am just lazy. Lots of

people are dying with cancer but they manage to make it to work until the very

end. They amaze me!

Oh, well, maybe I am just lazy! Who knows. However, I do know that making the

decision to begin the process for disability retirement again and deciding to

quit worrying about being off work without pay (well, for the most part I've let

go of the worry) has felt like a terrible burden has been lifted off my

shoulders. It hasn't really done anything for me physically yet. However, my

mental status is much better than it was 2 1/2 weeks ago when I finally made the

decision.

I'm sorry to jump on you. It is very rare that I take offense to anything

anyone says. Like I said, maybe it is just that I'm afraid there's truth in

what you said.

W

Pancreatitis from Debs

Hiya

I drive around 35 mile sto work takes me an hour work 8 1/2 hours

then drive home an hour.

the answer to your question about how you will do it, is that you

can and and will. I know after being off work for a year or more

with his disease and then goign back to work have done it 3 times is

that its far preferraable to workign then sitting at home. I was so

lonely and I had nothign to talk about. And at 35 I couldnt see this

happening fot eh next 20 years.

So I persevere one day at a time.

Its a constant struggle some days are better then others-

Today not such a great day and pain is stabbing me but I am takign

painkillers and hope it will go away.

I have been back at work for 6 motnhs after being in hospital for 43

days on a pain pump and feeding tube. It started that time from

cosntipation and the drug they gave me whcih ste me off for darn it

43 days arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I thought I would never get out. I set a date to be free and willed

myself off the pain pump .

Take care

debs

PANCREATITIS Association, Intl.

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November 18, 2002