Everyone

[Guest guest]

Forgive me but I am in kind of a self pity mode right now. I am

really worried about a few things and I was hoping that some of you

might have advice/answers.

I haven't been feeling that well this past week and last night the

pain hit really bad. Normally my vicodin and heating pad is enough

to take the pain to a level that I can handle, but last night I was

so miserable. Vicodin keeps me awake so I am only running on about

2 hours sleep right now. Anyway, for the last 3 months I have been

having more pain. Before I would have minimal daily pain and a good

attack about every two weeks or so. But that is starting to

change. I notice that I am feeling sick more often. And I am

scared. I am afraid because in 3 months I have been getting

progressively worse, so what is it going to be like in 6 months? Or

in 2 years?

I am only 28 years old and lately my nights consist of laying down

with my heating pad! And I am afraid that I will not be able to

have children. I do not have kids and have always wanted a family.

But how can I be pregnant and take narcotics? This really really

scares me. I can't imagine having an attack and NOT taking

anything. But I also can't imagine being pregnant and taking these

pills. Have any of you gone through this?

For the first time since my GI I diagnosed me (Oct 2002 even though

I know it has been at least since 1999) with CP, I had to call him

and ask for pain meds. I have never had to ask him before. I lived

off meds that I had been given at the ER or urgent care. And up

until about six months ago I had attacks every few months, and they

didn't last very long, so these meds would last me a long time. But

I am having attacks that require meds more often now and I was

afraid to call him. I have heard all the horror stories here about

doctors thinking we are all just drug seekers. So when he called me

back today he started off really nice. Saying he was sorry that I

have been having so much pain lately. I have a psuedocyst, so on

the 18th I have a CT to take a look to see if it is still there and

if it has grown. So he thinks maybe the cyst is still there and is

irritating my panc. that is why I have been more sick lately. So

when I finally brought up that I need more meds, he questioned me.

Wanted to know the last time I had a refill. I told him that he has

never prescribed me any and the last one I had was from the ER. So

he is going to call in a prescription but I still felt like I was at

his mercy! I hate that. I felt that if he thought that presciption

I got from the ER wasn't long enough ago, he wouldn't have given me

anything. He wasn't mean, but he sure didn't make me feel that

comfortable asking him either.

And I hate the fact that I can NEVER go out and have drinks with the

girls again. I have never been a big drinker, but I did enjoy going

out with the girls every few months for cocktails. I know I am not

supposed to drink with CP, and I haven't, but from what I gather if

I did it could kill me. Why?

Lastly, my biggest question and fear, am I going to die from this

disease? Is my life expectancy now shorter than someone with a

healthy pancreas? I have not asked my GI, I think I am afraid to.

And the way he makes me feel is that CP is no big deal anyway. But

I am scared. If I follow a low fat diet and not drink alcohol, will

I live just as long as I would have before CP? If not what about

this disease is going to kill me? I have done lots of internet

research but it never seems to mention the life expectancy just that

the biggest problem is drug addiction.

I normally try and be a really positive person, but lately I can't

be positive about anything especially living with this disease for

the rest of my life. Thanks to all for listening!

Sending happy thoughts your way.....

Marisa

San Diego, CA