Guest guest Posted October 21, 2002 Report Share Posted October 21, 2002 Hi, just thought I share this one. Sounds familar to anyone? Peace Torsten, dad of Fiona 5wcf e-mail: torstenkrafft@... REDEFINING THE CHILDCARE BOTTOM LINE By PROFIT MANAGER: Welcome Fred. I suppose you know why I have asked you and your folks here today. FRED: Gurgle, gurgle, goo-goo. PROFIT MANAGER: Um ... well ... perhaps not. Let me explain then. I have asked you and your parents here because I am worried you are not pulling your weight, Fred. I want to nip this problem in the bud before it gets out of hand. FRED'S MOTHER (anxiously): For goodness sake, Fred is only 13 months old! PROFIT MANAGER (coldly but calmly): Yes, I am aware of that. But even babies are expected to contribute. FRED'S FATHER (angrily): To what? This is supposed to be a childcare centre, isn't it! PROFIT MANAGER: Well, yes. Technically. FRED'S FATHER: What do you mean technically? PROFIT MANAGER: I mean times have changed. We used to be run as a community non-profit organisation. Now we are part of a chain and we need to answer to shareholders. While the welfare and development of the children here is still our core concern, we do have to worry about the bottom line. A lot. Our shareholders demand it. I am sure you understand. FRED'S FATHER (bemused): I am not sure I do. I remember when the only bottom line at childcare centres was the queue of babies needing clean nappies. PROFIT MANAGER: Ah yes. We call those the bad old days. These days we encourage the babies in our care to hold on for as long as possible before soiling their nappies. FRED'S MOTHER: Is that healthy? PROFIT MANAGER: It is for our profits. You cannot begin to imagine how many fewer nappies we go through now. Across the chain of centres, it represents quite a saving in nappies we buy. Plus, we are able to employ fewer carers to change nappies. They're happy, we're happy, the shareholders are happy. FRED'S FATHER (incredulous): How the hell can the carers who aren't even there be happy? PROFIT MANAGER: Well, they're certainly not unhappy. Not at out centres anyway. How disgruntled ex-employees feel in the privacy of their own homes is nothing to do with us. " FRED'S MOTHER: So, what do you mean when you say that Fred isn't pulling his weight? He isn't very heavy. PROFIT MANAGER: Well, apart from contributing to cost-cutting around the centre, we expect our babies to contribute to profit generation. FRED'S MOTHER: What on earth could he do at his early age? PROFIT MANAGER: Well, it would help if he were artistic. Then we could sell his artwork. But he isn't. FRED'S FATHER (enraged): You are joking. I thought you were supposed to teach him painting and craft. PROFIT MANAGER: Yes, with some children do do invest in that area. But if he's not the slightest bit artistic, it would be a waste of our people resources. I am sure you understand that we are very goal orientated here and there's just no point pursuing profit by backing an obvious loser. FRED'S FATHER (very angry now): Hey, who are you to call my son a loser? I ought to punch you on the nose. PROFIT MANAGER: Hey, please do not get offended. I do not want to call security. Jake and Luke are probably having their naps now. I just want to find out what Fred might be suited to. Are either of you ... er ... um ... talented in any way? Is there a particular skill you might have passed to Fred? FRED'S FATHER: Like what? PROFIT MANAGER: Oh, I don't know. Gardening, plumbing, cooking? FRED'S MOTHER: Fred's dad is a builder. PROFIT MANAGER: Great. We might give Fred some blocks tomorrow and see what he can build from them. He might have a building gene. FRED'S FATHER: Don't be silly. I don't use blocks. I use bloody big pieces of timber and nails. I build houses. PROFIT MANAGER: Splendid. We'll give him the same things. And a hammer. And an electric drill. And a little hard hat. How is he with heights? We might have to outsource him and there's no telling where he might end up. And up and up. FRED'S MOTHER: For crying out loud, he's only a baby. PROFIT MANAGER: Yessss, I see. But you have to understand I am under a lot of pressure from head office. It won't be my fault if I have to start taking full fee-paying babies from overseas. The shareholders want to see a return on their investment. FRED'S FATHER: I thought sending your child to a childcare centre WAS an investment. Providing a sound educational base for a young Australian? An investment in the country's future? PROFIT MANAGER (laughing): Yessss. I hear all kind of old-fashioned ideas here. Funny to think we all used to think like that. ©October 21, 2002 . All Rights Reserved Down Under, But Not Out http://johnmartin.actweb.net Regards, ...................................................... Some of the new columns at my " Down Under, But Not Out " humour and satire site: http://johnmartin.actweb.net Doghouse Rock: Why my Elvis dream ends badly Winds of change and beasts of burden The Australian national anthem goes (clothes) line dancing How answering machines can drive you bananas Beware the axle of Evel The INSIDE view: Australia's newest politician, Jerome O'Fury http://johnmartin.actweb.net/diary.html ******************************************************************* Subscribe to my columns and I will send them free to your e-mail in-tray. 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