Thanks, Genz...What to tell my husband

[Guest guest]

I've printed your message and will include it in a special " packet "

for my husband!

XXXOOO

>

> > Hi ,

> > I understand exactly where you are coming from and will share

what I did to

> > help my husband, who, like yours is usually supportive. First,

though,

> > understand that " normal " people will never truly understand what

you and I

> > know to be true. Not really. Unless you have gone through it,

unless you

> > live it every day, you do not know. My husband eats like a horse-

-we're

> > talking 5 whoppers at a crack (and all the " go-withs " ). But, he

can also go

> > without if he is too busy. He often says, " I never think about

food, but

> > once I start eating, LOOK OUT! " He is of normal weight. He is

lucky and is

> > blessed with a great metabolism and heredity. He can also turn

down dessert

> > or any food if he feels he needs to. Do you see why I say he can

never truly

> > understand what we go through?

> >

> > Now, to answer your question. I am pursuing this surgery for my

16-yr-old

> > daughter who at 5'3 " weighs 255 pounds (and steadily

rising). A lot

> > of her weight is centered around her midsection and she has

severe asthma. I

> > am scared to death that she will die (we have already spent a

week in the

> > hoospital). After she has the MGB, I will pursue it for myself.

My husband

> > has been dead-set against the surgery. He loves Chris

desperately and is so

> > afraid that this will be a mistake. As I was getting nowhere in

our

> > " discussing it, " I put together a packet for him to read when he

was alone on

> > a 2-hr (each way) limo ride to a meeting this past week. What

was in the

> > packet? First of all, I had already received emails from 43

former patients.

> > I printed off those (copy and pasted together). Next, I

included my appeal

> > letter to Cigna, which outlined the procedures benefits, etc.

Also my letter

> > to Chris' PCP, passionately giving thre reasons why the MGB is

necessary. I

> > also included the physician profile on Dr R. I did not put in

the patient ed

> > manual--that I wanted to go over WITH him, once the other items

had " softened

> > his heart. " And guess wwhat? IT WORKED! All of those beautiful

letters

> > from patients helped him better understand the agony we go

through. My ins

> > appeal letter layed out the facts and the answer. The letter to

Chris' Dr.

> > showed my deep concern and fears as well as outlining her

history. Seeing

> > this all in black and white was pretty eye-opening for him.

After his

> > business trip he finally gave me the 2 hours I had been begging

for. We sat

> > down and went through the manual together. He had made notes

when reading

> > the packet and he asked a lot of questions. He still has

concerns and

> > questions, but he now understands in a way he never did before.

> >

> > Now for the really personal part. I have shared this with no

one, and here I

> > am " blasting " it in public! At the end of the packet I included

a letter

> > that I had written to my PCP 2 years ago but never mailed. It

was written

> > back when was under 200 pounds, and thus long before I even

thought

> > about the surgery for her, and certainly long before I learned of

MGB. It

> > was a letter explaining how miserable I was with myself, my

weight and my

> > life. How I was emotionally abandoning my wonderful husband

because of the

> > total disgust I felt with myself. How could I be such a strong

woman and not

> > be able to control this one awful aspect of my life. I wrote

about not

> > letting him see me naked, about never wanting his co-workers or

associates to

> > meet me. I was crying out for WL surgery. I never mailed the

letter because

> > I discovered that I did not meet the minimum wt. requirement for

that

> > particuliar operation. I continued to hide my true feelings

toward myself

> > and " trudged on " through life, putting on a happy face, when I

felt anything

> > but happy. But, isn't this what we all do? Isn't this how we

try and cope

> > in a thin-obsessed world?

> >

> > Back to the packet. At the very end I included a letter to my

husband

> > telling him why the MGB was so important to me, also-- so

important to US.

> > His response to my " from the heart " packet was equally heartfelt

and now we

> > are united in our quest for the MGB. He will always be a thin

man and I'm

> > sure a part of him will never thoroughly understand. But he is

willing to

> > support, the best way he can.

> >

> > You will, of course, have to find your own way, but I know it is

possible for

> > you to open your heart in a most personal way and help your

husband to

> > understand. He loves you so much that he is truly scared. Most

important,

> > though, you need his courage, and strength as much as you need

your own.

> >

> > I wish you all the best. Please let me know if there is

something I can do.

> > To eveyone else on the list, I am sorry this has been so long.

> >

> > Warm regards,

> > Debbie in IL

> >

> > In a message dated 6/13/00 6:54:00 AM Pacific Daylight Time,

> > cmanikas@r... writes:

> >

> > << Hello, everyone. I've been reading these posts for a couple of

weeks

> > now and there is no question in my mind that this is the answer

to my

> > prayers! I just read in my insurance brochure last night that

WLS is

> > covered. But when I tried to talk to my husband about it, well,

he

> > wasn't too receptive to the idea. He asked me what would keep me

from

> > eating things I shouldn't after the surgery. And the pouch can be

> > stretched, can't it? So what would keep you from gaining back the

> > weight? he asked. I told him learning a new way to eat. So, of

> > course, he asks why can't you just do that now?

> >

> > I don't know how to make him understand that sure, I can learn

new

> > eating habits. And maybe I can lose 5-8 pounds a month. But I

need

> > better results than that to keep me going! I can starve myself

for a

> > month, be hungry all the time and lose only a few pounds. That's

> > depressing--which leads to overeating again.

> >

> > He's usually so supportive. I'm so emotional about this, I can't

seem

> > to be calm enough to be able to talk to him. Does anyone have any

> > advice for me?

> >

> > XXXOOO

> >

> > >>

> >

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