Re: Fwd: concerned about 17 year old going to college

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

so what's exactly the problem? Are you worried about the quality of

CF centers in Utah? I am sure that some mebers can give you info

about that.

Or are you worried that won't be caring enough about her

treatments when she is on her own? Compliance and teenagers seemingly

is a constant dilemma :-))

Or do you have questions about her spot on the transplant list if she

moves out of state?

Maybe it's just me, but I am not sure what you are asking for. Or are

you just thinking loud :-))

Peace

Torsten, dad of Fiona 5wcf

> > I have a huge dilema my daughter heather is a senior she is

starting to

> > pick out colleges.the problem is we live in maryland alittle town

called

> > salisbury we go to john hopkins for her cf always have since she

was born

> > she is in and out of the hospital alot at least 3 to 6 times

ayear she has

> > been on transplant list for a year and a half they just put her

on inactive

> > list because she got to the number 1 spot and thankfully they

think she is

> > to healthy to have to do it at this time anyway she has just got

back from

> > a college tour with her school she goes to a christian school she

has her

> > heart set on going to a christian college in UTAH which is 20

hours from

> > where we live i would love to give her the opportunity to go but

HELP what

> > do i do about her health her doctors has anybody had to deal with

this i am

> > so torn about this thasnks for listening to me go on and on

LISA

> > TORNABOUT WHAT TO DO

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi (Hi Torsten! Surprise!),

I can understand all your concerns. First, your baby (whether or not

she has CF) is about ready to fly the nest. Second, not only does she

want to go to college, but she wants to attend a college on the other

side of the Mississippi River, two time zones away from you.

Some help I am... pointing out the vastness of US geography!

Even when my son was quite young he always wanted to attend an

out-of-state college. And more than anything, I wanted to help him

realize his goal. I wasn't afraid of him going out-of-state because I

knew he had the intelligence to succeed academically, the maturity

to avoid getting into " typical " college male outrageous situations,

and had always shown responsibility for his health treatments.

You can tell that working in Student Services at a Big 12 university

for 10 years made me hyper-aware of the realities of campus life.

I can understand your unease... you say you live in a little town.

Living in a little town feels very safe. Having your daughter possibly

move far away shatters that feeling of safety.

I think my one concern is that you said your daughter is usually

hospitalized three to six times per year. That sounds like a lot to

me. If she expects to be hospitalized that many times while attending

college, then this puts a lot of strain on her academically and

socially. The freshman year is a extraordinary year of adjustment.

What is the possibility of compromise? Can your daughter attend a

junior college closer to home--but not living at home--for the first

year?

This would give her a chance to learn whether she is ready to make the

committment it takes for balancing her life: academics, diet,

exercise, and CF treatments.

At one point, my son was considering colleges in New York and

Washington state; we lived in a university town of about 40,000 people

in northern Oklahoma. Yep, the thought of him moving that far made me

a bit panicky but I kept quiet. All I could think of was, " Egads!

Different time zones! And where is the nearest airport should he get

into a health crisis situation? "

He and I went on college tours in Illinois and Kansas. Funny, I was

less concerned with the idea of him attending college in Chicago than

I was in Lawrence, Kansas. I think this is because I could hop a plane

in be in Chicago in two hours, yet would have to drive four hours to

get to him in Lawrence.

He ended up deciding on Lawrence and I paid the extra money to get him

situated in a privately run dorm, not a campus-owned dorm. This gave

him a cleaner facility and much better food. I know part of the reason

he chose that school was because his best friend was also going there.

However, that school wasn't a good match. It's a beautiful campus, but

it's a very large state university. The class sizes were huge; his

psychology lecture class had nearly 500 students and no opportunity

for the open discussion my son loves.

He stuck it out the first year--and I might add that he gained nearly

17 pounds his first semester (I told you the food was good--and he had

24-hour access to ice cream!). His dorm also had a weight center so he

started working out with weights in the second semester and developed

some incredible upper body muscle tone (and also a hernia!).

After summer break, he went off to Chicago to attend Loyola

University--a much smaller school on the shore of Lake Michigan. He

knew this was his niche the first week on campus. His CF doctor was

secretly afraid of him moving to Chicago due to the colder climate,

but continued doing well (it's the heat and humidity that brings

him down, and Oklahoma has plenty of that).

Now, if you're really concerned, you can do what I did! I moved to

Chicago last year! LOL... noooo, I don't have a problem with cutting

apron strings; I've always loved Chicago and I point out to my son

that I discovered Chicago before HE did.

I'm just pretty attuned to my children and listen to my inner voices.

And again, knowing what I know about college life after working

in a university counseling center--and remembering my own senior year

in college--I know how stressful the final year can be. Also, 's

luck had held out with no major CF bumps in the road, but I knew that

wouldn't last forever. In fact, I'd seen increasing fatigue and weight

loss but couldn't get his doctor to listen. For a couple years I'd

begged for an IV tune up but his doctor didn't think it was warranted

(until the CF flared up after his hernia repair surgery in Aug.

2001--then the doctor wished he'd listened to me!).

I'm glad I followed my instincts. I am where I need to be for now.

When I moved, I left behind a daughter who had just graduated high

school and was starting college in a beautiful small town about

45-minutes from our home. She never for a minute felt like I was

deserting her, or favoring her brother over her.

In fact, because she never had a burning desire to attend an

out-of-state school, she and I both saw this as an opportunity to feel

like she *was* attending a school away from home. And she loves

Chicago and thinks it's a big deal to mention to her friends that

she's flying to Chicago to visit Mom and brother! My son happened to

find my beautiful vintage apartment only a couple blocks from where he

lives--I was originally looking to live a bit further from him so he

wouldn't feel like Mom was his shadow. And I do respect his space; he

and I only see each other a couple times a month, and he is the one

who usually picks up the phone to call me just to check in or if he

has a question, whereas I call him usually only when I have a reason

to call.

I've rambled long enough but I hope this gives you more focus for your

concerns. Everyone is different and maybe I'm picturing your life

differently than you intended, but at three to six hospitalizations a

year it doesn't sound to me as though your daughter is being realistic

about the rigors of college life and living so far from a support

system.

Additionally, to everyone who has waded this far thru my overly long

email, I uploaded a Word document to the CF Parents files section.

It's called " College and CF. " It's a piece I wrote for a technical

writing class assignment a couple years ago, then updated it for

publication in a couple CF newsletters. If you have kids in high

school--whether or not they have CF--you may find this piece very

helpful to you. It draws upon my experience helping high school and

college kids attain the most financial aid they can get, and my

experience working in a university counseling center that also

housed the offices of ADA Compliance and Student Disability

Services.

Good luck, !

Kim

Mom to --23 yrs. old with asthma and CF and soon to graduate with

a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Photography, and , 20 yrs. old with

asthma, no CF, working toward a degree in Communications with an

emphasis on broadcast journalism (unless she changes her degree

again!)

I have a huge dilema my daughter heather is a senior she is

starting to pick out colleges.the problem is we live in maryland

alittle town called salisbury we go to john hopkins for her cf always

have since she was born she is in and out of the hospital alot at

least 3 to 6 times a year she has been on transplant list for a year

and a half they just put her on inactive list because she got to the

number 1 spot and thankfully they think she is to healthy to have to

do it at this time anyway she has just got back from a college tour

with her school she goes to a christian school she has her heart set

on going to a christian college in UTAH which is 20 hours from where

we live i would love to give her the opportunity to go but HELP what

do i do about her health her doctors has anybody had to deal with

this i am so torn about this thasnks for listening to me go on and on.

LISA

TORNABOUT WHAT TO DO