whining

[Guest guest]

I haven't been posting much because I am just not having good days lately. My

pain meds are keeping the pain pretty much under control but the nausea is

sometimes very bad despite phenergan. However, the worst part is that I am just

so incredibly tired and weak! I also feel somewhat despondent. This is so

unlike me. I began taking wellbutrin sr 150 mg a day about a month or so ago

because I felt like this illness was bringing me down. It seemed to help until

Friday when the biliary surgeon basically said he didn't think there was

anything he could do for me. He says that since I have episodes of the same

pain with normal lab work he doesn't know if the problem really is the bile duct

after all. He's sending me back to my GI to 'see if he can come up with other

ideas' and if he can't has said we'll probably just have to handle things from a

chronic pain management point of few. My pcp does not agree with the biliary

surgeon. He agrees with my GI and internal med doc that we need a surgeon to do

an explorative laparotomy and take a good look at the pancreas and ducts and

remove adhesions if any are found. He did say that he felt the biliary

surgeon's attitude was rather pompous but probably correct. The biliary surgeon

said if the problem is adhesions 'any general surgeon could take care of it and

I don't need him'. My pcp has referred me to a local general surgeon. This guy

took care of me over the weekend once when I was in the hospital and my pcp had

to go our of town. He also did a breast biopsy on my mom and removed a large

angionoma (sp?) from the back of my stepdad's head. He seems to be a good guy.

The plan is that he will repair the hernia in my lower left abdomen and just

take a look at the pancreas and ducts and maybe do a liver biopsy. However, I

won't know til tomorrow afternoon if he will agree with my pcp and be willing to

do all this.

My pcp did agree that it would be a good idea to go ahead and double my

wellbutrin just in case some of my fatigue is from being depressed. He also

went ahead and referred me to a pain management doc just to help me out til we

get some answers on whatever is going on. He is insistent that we do have to

keep on til we find someone who can give some answers medically, not just keep

me drugged and comfortable. This is truly a blessing because I had felt like he

was not taking my problems seriously in the past. It seems that he is now

taking them more seriously than any of my other doctors.

I am to see my GI in his office next Wednesday and then the biliary surgeon next

Friday. Both of these will likely be wasted trips. They are both in

Birmingham, which is 100 miles away. However, I will keep the appointments and

play their games as I have just sent them each a letter telling them I am

applying for disability and I need a letter from them giving a general synopsis

of the last few months.

I also think that maybe a lot of my fatigue may be a lupus flare because my face

is showing the lovely butterfly rash more prevalent than I really ever remember

it being. My rheumatologist is in Birmingham, also. My next appointment with

her is not til January and I guess I'd have to be dead to see her sooner!

After I had been up for about an hour today, I thought I was feeling better. I

decided to shower and go in to work for a few hours. However, by the time I

showered and dressed I was wiped out. I can't really decide if it is physically

or mentally that I am wiped out. I just know that I feel as if I have lost

myself. I am so sick and tired of being sick and tired. I am sick of not being

able to eat. I am sick of thinking I am okay enough to eat only to end up with

pain and nausea after I do try to eat a few bites.

Okay, I guess I really am having a pity party. I cannot let my family know,

though, because they are already so worried about me. I know you guys can

understand. Thanks for listening to me whine.

W.