Guest guest Posted June 20, 2000 Report Share Posted June 20, 2000 I needed that//////PIMPROFL. I live in Florida and we have bathing suit support groups that meet in the dressing rooms. You can often hear laughing or crying(usually me) comming out of those rooms. and a see thru when wet suit??///////////well if my MGB grants me -100+lbs I'd probably pray for rain as my last hurrah.lol LvJudi in Fla Quoting na -Reynolds hathfrtt@...>: > > I don't wish to bring the wrath of those seriously seeking approval and > support down around my ears but I thought this was cute. If I've offended > anyone by sending it please forgive me. I realize fully this is not a joke > list but I thought with the season and subject matter it was appropriate. > > ***** > > I have just been through the annual pilgrimage of torture and humiliation > known as buying a swimming suit. When I was a child in the 1950's, the > swimming suit for a woman with a mature figure was designed for a woman > with > a mature figure - boned, trussed, and reinforced - not so much sewn as > engineered. They were built to hold back and uplift and they did a good > job. > > Today's stretch fabrics are designed for the prepubescent girl with a > figure > chipped from marble. The mature woman has a choice - she can either front > up > at the maternity department and try on a floral costume with a skirt, > coming > away looking like a hippopotamus who escaped from Disney's Fantasia or she > can wander around every run-of-the-mill department store trying to make a > sensible choice from what > amounts to a designer range of fluorescent rubber bands. > > What choice did I have? I wandered around, made my sensible choice and > entered the chamber of horrors known as the fitting room. > > The first thing I noticed was the extraordinary tensile strength of the > stretch material. The Lycra used in swimming suits was developed, I > believe, > by NASA to launch small rockets from a slingshot, which give the > added bonus that if you manage to actually ever get yourself into one, you > are protected from shark attacks. > > The reason for this is that any shark taking a swipe at your passing > midriff > would immediately suffer whiplash. I fought my way into the swimming suit, > but as I twanged the shoulder strap in place, I gasped in > horror - my bosom had disappeared! > > Eventually, I found one bosom cowering under my left armpit. It took a > while > to find the other. At last. I located it flattened beside my seventh rib. > The problem is that modern bathing suits have no bra cups. > The mature woman is meant to wear her bosom spread across her chest like a > speed bump. I realigned my speed bump and lurched toward the mirror to take > a full view assessment. > > The swimming suit fit all right, but unfortunately, it only fit those bits > of me willing to stay inside it. The rest of me oozed out rebelliously > from > top, bottom, and sides. I looked like a lump of playdough wearing > undersized cling wrap. As I tried to work out where all those extra bits > had > come from, the prepubescent sales girl popped her head through the > curtains. > > Oh, there you are, " she said, admiring the bathing suit. > > I replied that I wasn't so sure and asked what else she had to show me. I > tried on a cream crinkled one that made me look like a lump of masking > tape, > and a floral two piece which gave the appearance of an oversized napkin in > a > napkin ring. I struggled into a pair of leopard-skin bathers with ragged > frill and came out looking like Tarzan's Jane -- pregnant with triplets and > having a rough day. I tried on a black number with a midriff and looked > like a jellyfish in mourning. I tried on a bright pink one with such > high-cut legs I thought I would have to wax my eyebrows to wear it. > > Finally, I found a costume that fit...a two-piece affair with shorts-style > bottom and a halter-top. It was cheap, comfortable, and bulge-friendly, so > I bought it. When I got home, I read the label, which said, " Material may > become transparent in water. " > > I'm determined to wear it anyway...I'll just have to learn to do > the breaststroke in the sand. > > > -------------------------------------------------------- ---------------- > Shop at gazoontite.com & breathe happier and healthier! Click here! > http://click.egroups.com/1/5491/2/_/453517/_/961540521/ > -------------------------------------------------------- ---------------- > > This message is from the Mini-Gastric Bypass Mailing List at Onelist.com > Please visit our web site at http://clos.net > Get the Patient Manual at http://clos.net/get_patient_manual.htm > > > ----------------------------------------------------- This mail sent through Hitter Communications Webmail http://webmail.hitter.net Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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