your cruise

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 11/22/02 11:06:52 AM, Graduate-OSSG writes:

<< The mature person (which I am not yet, and I fully admit it) finds

rewards in the achievement itself, not the recognition of others.

Self recognition is the builing block of self esteem and confidence.

And with these, I am not dependent on the opinion of others because I

am content within myself and grounded. >>

I hope you have a memorably good time on your cruise. And you have come so

far. And consider giving mr. you-know-who a chance, perhaps by telling him

that you know when he is away from home, he is a different person when he has

less stress. Anything he does that is even passably useful, notice out loud

and thank him. Don't take any guff, but it will not hurt to be your best self

even if the response is nil. AFTERWARD, you will know you have acted

honorably. And that kind of sense of self is what self-esteem is TRULY built

on.

And, regarding what you wrote above, both are true; there is sense of

selfhood that only you can give yourself. However, this must also be

validated by others... usually, a mother, father, aunt, uncle, friend,

brother, sister, teacher, neighbor ..... This is why we encourage people to

GO OUT of their houses and into the roadways if necessary to get the

validation they need to " cook " one's identity all the way through, to have a

selfhood that holds all the way through.

Identity, sense of selfhood, really is somewhat similar to baking: you can

put all the ingredients together, hopefully the best of what is availible.

You can pour it into the form. You can have a great recipe. You can create it

beautifully and imagine how good it will be. But, then you have to cook/bake

it. Heat amalgamates what is there, causes chemical reactions that make the

ingredients hold together, amongst other things. (We have always wondered,

right? about why we call certain ideas half-baked?) The kind of heat needed

is not one so hot it destroys, nor so weak it has no effect. Most people grow

and develop far more strongly when given both warmth and perceptive feedback.

just the two cent's worth

Have a wonderful cruise

love,

ceep