Re:Annette here, checking in and recommending the chats

[Guest guest]

Hello everyone. As you probably know I don't post here very often

anymore but try to make the chats. Some of you, I have never met. I

don't even read all the posts because I wouldn't have time for

if I did. I have the digest sent to my mailbox and I glance through

the subject lines....sometimes the messages actually come with the

list of subject lines and sometimes it doesn't (not sure why, but I

suspect it is connected with how long the posts are) any

way,......when the subject line is one that I think would help ,

or that I think we might be of help then I read the message on the

digest or go to this site to read what was actually written, so I

miss alot of the " visiting " venting etc...but I also miss getting

acquainted. I just yesterday found out about the " conflict " and still

not sure I understand what exactly happened but from what I can see,

it could very well be a misunderstanding. I prefer chats where it's

much easier to ask a person directly and instantly, what they mean by

a word or phrase or " touching subject " . This is the third time, I

think, that I've seen this " stirring of the waters " and the other two

times, the group just got their minds on helping a new member and

doing what they really come here for and the group grows stronger and

closer together. I hope this will be the case now too! I'm so glad

that and some new caregivers are with us now. By the way, for

those who don't know me....I'm lovegiver to . My husband is

totally helpless and mute but we have a beautiful relationship, I

think in part because we have struggled through some of the very

things many of you are experiencing with your loved ones, It's been

four years since I heard my lovers sweet voice....I've completely

forgotten about the times when he told me " you're not listening " and

how it hurt because I was trying with every fiber of my being to

cling to every word he could say. We say things with touches now and

the " conflict " is over. I " encourged " him to do Pt and he gave it

his best....not as much on the speech exercises as I would have liked

but it seemed the excercises took all the strength that he had and

there was nothing left for the things that he was exercising to

do....so everyone has to be the judge of what is important to that

person at that particular time in this journey. I am the one that

said that this is not a burden....it's a RESPONSIBILITY, yes...I

promised him 37 1/2 years ago to love him in sickness...and I meant

it! but it's also a privilege that the Lord has allowed me to be of

service to Him in this way. I think the best thing that couples can

do is to talk honestly with each other...drop the pretenses and

disquises and share what you are really feeling. It was hard for

who was a very independent person to accept having everything

done for him until he realized that I sincerely wanted to take care

of him and that it has not deminished my respect for him but has

caused it to grow. I told him frequently, and honestly, that he is

my hero. I realize how hard he works just to swallow his liquid

nutrition...it's harder then some load for weightlifters....and I

realize that he's doing it FOR ME!....SO THAT HE CAN STAY LONGER AND

HELP ME!!!!BECAUSE HE REALLY DOES HELP ME AS MUCH IF NOT MORE THEN I

HELP HIM!.....I've spent this time with you all instead of my

sweetheat, because I hope I can be of some help to someone (besides

) today. Please don't waste time arguing or allowing unnecessary

hurt to rob you of a single moment of this precious life. May God

bless you all, love Annette and

> Hello everyone:

>

> Reading through the posts for the last three days, I

> came across Sally's today. It so reminded me of the

> message I sent a few y ears back when Bill was first

> diagnosed. At the time, many of you responded with

> information and questions to ask the many doctors we

> were seeing. I am sure Sally will get the same

> support. We must remember that this is an insidious

> disease, and not very well known. Family and friends

> are of little help. This site is very, very important.

> My Bill was in such denial that he would have never

> thought of posting, but now he looks over my shoulder

> and asks, " What are they saying? Anything new? "

> So, both the caregiver and the ill person benefit.

>

> I'd hate to see Bill not post since his assistance has

> been invaluable to us. His knowledge and experience

> saw us through quite a few hard times. I believe my

> Bill would not be doing as well as he is if we hadn't

> had this site.

>

> As they say in the Twelve Step Programs- Take what you

> need and leave the rest.

>

> Does anyone remember the Mother Theresa quote we used

> to have. Maybe it is time to bring it back again.

> And reach out to Sally for the support and help she

> needs at this moment.

>

> Hug

> Hope

>

>

> __________________________________________________

>

[Guest guest]

WOW, Thank you for your comments. Thank you for your encouraging words

about caring for your loved one. I hope that I can keep those words ringing

in my head the next time I feel stressed or " too tired " .

Marilyn in TN