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And To Distract Enemy Soldiers

" This is not done purely on cosmetic grounds, but as a last resort. "

- The British Ministry of Defense, on why the British Army has paid for a

small number of female soldiers to have breast enlargements to make them

happier. In one case, a 27-year-old corporal underwent the $3,600

operation,

courtesy of the armed forces, to make her " a happier soldier. "

Job Description

Several weeks after a young man had been hired, he was called into the

personnel director's office. " What is the meaning of this? " the director

asked. " When you applied for this job, you told us you had five years

experience. Now we discovered this is the first job you've ever held. "

" Well, " the young man replied, " in your advertisement you said you wanted

somebody with imagination. "

Buddies Crash

After dying in a car crash, three friends find themselves at an orientation

to enter heaven. Each one was asked, " When you are in your casket, what

would you like to hear your friends and family saying about you? "

says, " I would like to hear them say I was a great doctor and a great

family man. "

Karl says, " I would like to hear them say I was a wonderful husband and an

excellent teacher who made a difference in children's lives. "

says, " I would like to hear them say, 'Look! He's moving!' "