Re: Relatives

[Guest guest]

I was a cousin's party yesterday and it was the first time alot of my

relatives n friends saw me after my upper jaw surgery. I was the

talk of the party unfortunately which made me alittle self-consious

having people stare at my face all night. Everybody there was

like, " oh wow you did like one of those extreme makeovers huh? " See,

i thought the changes were subtle, but i guess i was wrong. Most of

them thought jaw surgery was only necessary when you just broke your

jaw and they didn't know that you can correct an overbite w/surgery.

They thought it was something you had to live with.

I explained how they corrected my bite, septum, lip, etc and now one

of my friends who has the same problem i had before surgery asked for

my dr's number which i felt kinda bad because i didn't think me

explaining what i did to myself would affect her but then again she

was the one asking me a million questions and no i didn't in anyway

tell her, " yeah honey, you got an overbite, fix it " . Also, some

relatives were mad jealous because they knew the surgery was

expensive and kept asking, " how much was the surgery? " They're Greek

so yeah they wanna know details about everything so i said, " why, you

wanna pay? " My friend's mom who's the most negative person in the

world was like, " your supposed to save up for college, not get

cosmetic surgery! " I'm screaming, " it's not cosmetic surgery and

yeah i did save up for college " . I'm not going to argue w/people how

this procedure is also for functional reasons because they don't see

it and don't understand so just ignore their comments because you'll

go crazy if you don't lol.

lia

> Hi All,

>

> Just wanted to see how you all handled negative responses when you

> tell someone that you're going to have orthognathic surgery. I

told

> my aunt about it the other night and she about had a fit. She also

> has an overbite and in her words, " has managed to live with it for

65

> years " and doesn't understand why I would want to do this. I think

> the key word there is " managed " . I don't want this hanging over my

> head forever and I'm tired of my mouth feeling uncomfortable all of

> the time. And I want a smile that I'm proud to show, not one that I

> hide all of the time.

>

> I have my first appointment with an oral surgeon tomorrow and also

an

> appointment with my ortho to get the models done for my splint.

I'm

> a little worried about the fact that no one here seems to have any

> experience with my oral surgeon, Newton Gordon, but he is the Chief

> of Dentistry at UC San Francisco so that should be a pretty good

> recomendation right?

>

> Thanks for listening!

>

> Sue

[Guest guest]

Yep I got the same from alot of people 'my husbands teeth are

crooked I don't see what your issue is' to everyone has an overbite..

why would you do that to yourself. You are beautiful now, or my

friends husbands sister had some oral surgery done and she said it

was agony and didn't work....

I find it helps to either get into the specifics about the surgery,

they are going to saw my jaw apart - question ender - want to see

pictures?

but seriously don't gloss it over. I did initially = oh I am just

having my jaw corrected....oh there's nothing wrong - hmm not

chewing well is wrong, headaches aren't something you should live

with. Its a diagnosed medical issue, if the surgery wasn't

necessary it would be performed by plastic surgeons and not ever

covered by insurance...

I am having major issues with the proper function of my bite, even

if I ripped all my teeth out and got dentures I'd still have these

issues. I don't want surgery but they said its my only option to

stop my headaches, poor chewing... Its not cosmetic if it were I'd

get veneers, its not 'orthodontic' per se they can fix those issues

with braces alone. So I listened to all the medical experts and

they said for my specific case this was the only fix as what i have

is a mandibular _____ fill in big words. Don't say oral surgeon say

oralmaxfilliofacial specialist

People think if you are doing this you are saying their teeth are

bad, like if you say you need to loose weight no one thinks about

you they think oh gosh if she wants to loose weight she must think I

am a fat cow. One of my bestfriends was wow supportive and her

teeth were well shocking, and she supported me the whole way and

never took it personal or questioned me.

But sympathy is in short supply these days. If I had to do it over

again I doubt I would have told many people why I was doing it.

Some are supportive but most people don't really want you

either 'hurting' yourself or looking better than them.

People often think if I can avoid pain why would you put yourself in

pain, you stress the pain you have now - it usually shuts people up.

Most people want to talk about themselves...

I digress.

shiloh

[Guest guest]

It's really odd that this surgery seems to bring out such a negative

reaction from those closest to us. The story that finally seemed to

get my relatives on my side was telling them that uncorrected, the

existing deformity carries an increased risk of gum disease, bone

loss, and neck and back problems, particularly as we age, and that I

didn't want to turn 60 and be suffering from all those things and

saying to myself " I wish I had done that surgery when I was younger " .

God knows we'll have enough unavoidable problems when we become

senior citizens. Most older folks seem to understand about doing what

you can to preempt having additional problems when you get up there.

--Neil

> Hi All,

>

> Just wanted to see how you all handled negative responses when you

> tell someone that you're going to have orthognathic surgery. I

told

> my aunt about it the other night and she about had a fit. She also

> has an overbite and in her words, " has managed to live with it for

65

> years " and doesn't understand why I would want to do this. I think

> the key word there is " managed " . I don't want this hanging over my

> head forever and I'm tired of my mouth feeling uncomfortable all of

> the time. And I want a smile that I'm proud to show, not one that I

> hide all of the time.

>

> I have my first appointment with an oral surgeon tomorrow and also

an

> appointment with my ortho to get the models done for my splint.

I'm

> a little worried about the fact that no one here seems to have any

> experience with my oral surgeon, Newton Gordon, but he is the Chief

> of Dentistry at UC San Francisco so that should be a pretty good

> recomendation right?

>

> Thanks for listening!

>

> Sue

[Guest guest]

Sue,

Relatives like this aren't authorized to comment on what you're

doing. You may quote me on this.

" My friend and expert, Professor East, just told me to tell you that

you're in no position to comment on what my dental experts have

advised. If you would like to argue with her, or with them, here are

the phone numbers. "

(And yes, I'll e-mail you mine, if you need it. And no, I'm not a

doctor, nor a dentist, but I'll give her a spiel that will curl her

hair! -- nor am I a beautician, for that matter! I'll bet she won't

take you up on it.)

How audacious. OK. She loves you and has good intentions. but the

fact is, if she's " put up with it " she knows there's trouble there.

And she's presuming one heckuva lot to advise you on a medical and

dental disability! If an oncologist told you you had a cancer, or an

orthopod told you you had a non-dental skeletal malformation, would

she suggest that you " put up with it " ???

For the record: My periodontist believes that I saved my teeth by

undergoing this treatment. My general dentist believes the same.

That's quite good enough for me, any dissenting kinfolks and friends

notwithstanding. (Yep. I heard, " Your teeth look fine to me. "

and " Cammie... Braces???? " I said, " You don't know what's going on

there. If you wish, I'll tell you more. " They didn't.)

The way to deal with them is to be strong and confident in the advice

you have received from experts you trust, and dismiss their notions

as affectionate but slightly dotty and antiquated opinions. And

perhaps to suggest that they can get help for the things that trouble

them, as well, if they're willing to put up with the ardors of it all.

Cammie

> Hi All,

>

> Just wanted to see how you all handled negative responses when you

> tell someone that you're going to have orthognathic surgery. I

told

> my aunt about it the other night and she about had a fit. She also

> has an overbite and in her words, " has managed to live with it for

65

> years " and doesn't understand why I would want to do this. I think

> the key word there is " managed " . I don't want this hanging over my

> head forever and I'm tired of my mouth feeling uncomfortable all of

> the time. And I want a smile that I'm proud to show, not one that I

> hide all of the time.

>

> I have my first appointment with an oral surgeon tomorrow and also

an

> appointment with my ortho to get the models done for my splint.

I'm

> a little worried about the fact that no one here seems to have any

> experience with my oral surgeon, Newton Gordon, but he is the Chief

> of Dentistry at UC San Francisco so that should be a pretty good

> recomendation right?

>

> Thanks for listening!

>

> Sue

[Guest guest]

Lia, you have it nailed! Good for you!

I would try to answer the friend's questions, I think, because she's

probably hurting with some part of this, and is trying to have help.

But you're absolutely on track not to suggest that she might need

anything. The docs can work through that one with her.

Heck, tell them your insurance is covering it... None of their

business how or how much you paid.

Tell them you have a total scholarship, too, because you're bright

enough to know when not to answer questions that are nosy, intrusive

and none of their business!

Bingo! And --- omg. I wish I could remember the

Greek phrase... Is it " Op Sa " ? for Lia! (If I just cursed the goat on

the grill behind your house, please forgive me. I trying to be

ethnic, but that often gets me into trouble!)

Cammie

[Guest guest]

Amen, Neil.

And you can add to that list that periodontic (gum) disease is

directly enough linked to heart disease (especially endocarditis)

that a* I take antibiotics before routine dental procedures,

including cleanings, to prevent bacteria from setting themselves up

in light housekeeping in the area of my heart (I have a wee murmur),

and b* the cardiologist I saw for a stress test etc., (even though he

had tried to wear braces and had them removed because he could not

endure them) perked up and was glad to hear that the pockets around

my teeth were minimized by this treatment.

I swear, I think it has to do with (obviously) unfounded guilt on the

part of parents, especially, who think they have given their beloved

children faulty legacies. I know of parents who have suffered greatly

in this respect with other disorders. But generally folks don't die

of malfunctioning mouths (although the wife of an Alabama governor

did, in the 19th century, because she had an abscessed tooth and

there were no antibiotics to treat her) so for some it's easier to

say, " put up with it. " Hogwash.

I wish only that everyone who needed and is eager for the splendid

treatment that is available could have it, without endless insurance

battles.

I'd never coerce anyone into it, but I surely would tell folks, long

and loud, that it's easier and more effective than you might think,

at least for most.

Cammie

> > Hi All,

> >

> > Just wanted to see how you all handled negative responses when

you

> > tell someone that you're going to have orthognathic surgery. I

> told

> > my aunt about it the other night and she about had a fit. She

also

> > has an overbite and in her words, " has managed to live with it

for

> 65

> > years " and doesn't understand why I would want to do this. I

think

> > the key word there is " managed " . I don't want this hanging over

my

> > head forever and I'm tired of my mouth feeling uncomfortable all

of

> > the time. And I want a smile that I'm proud to show, not one that

I

> > hide all of the time.

> >

> > I have my first appointment with an oral surgeon tomorrow and

also

> an

> > appointment with my ortho to get the models done for my splint.

> I'm

> > a little worried about the fact that no one here seems to have

any

> > experience with my oral surgeon, Newton Gordon, but he is the

Chief

> > of Dentistry at UC San Francisco so that should be a pretty good

> > recomendation right?

> >

> > Thanks for listening!

> >

> > Sue

[Guest guest]

lol your close it's opa and for the record, i actually had roasted

goat last night for the 1st time since surgery lol

Lia

> Lia, you have it nailed! Good for you!

>

> I would try to answer the friend's questions, I think, because

she's

> probably hurting with some part of this, and is trying to have

help.

> But you're absolutely on track not to suggest that she might need

> anything. The docs can work through that one with her.

>

> Heck, tell them your insurance is covering it... None of their

> business how or how much you paid.

>

> Tell them you have a total scholarship, too, because you're bright

> enough to know when not to answer questions that are nosy,

intrusive

> and none of their business!

>

>

> Bingo! And --- omg. I wish I could remember the

> Greek phrase... Is it " Op Sa " ? for Lia! (If I just cursed the goat

on

> the grill behind your house, please forgive me. I trying to be

> ethnic, but that often gets me into trouble!)

>

> Cammie