Guest guest Posted May 29, 2001 Report Share Posted May 29, 2001 Lawn mowing season > > > > GOD: Francis, you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is > going on down there in the USA? What happened to the dandelions, violets, > thistle and stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect, no-maintenance > garden > plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply > with abandon. The nectar from the long lasting blossoms attracts > butterflies, > honey bees and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of > colors > by now. But all I see are these green rectangles. > > ST. FRANCIS: It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites. > They started calling your flowers " weeds " and went to great lengths to > kill them and replace them with grass. > > GOD: Grass? But it's so boring. It's not colorful. It doesn't attract > butterflies, birds and bees, only grubs and sod worms. It's temperamental > with temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all that grass growing > there? > > ST. FRANCIS: Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and > keep it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning > any other plant that crops up in the lawn. > > GOD: The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow > really fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy. > > ST. FRANCIS: Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they > cut it, sometimes twice a week. > > GOD: They cut it? Do they then bale it like hay? > > ST. FRANCIS: Not exactly Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags. > > GOD: They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it? > > ST. FRANCIS: No, sir -- just the opposite. They pay to throw it away. > > GOD: Now, let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will > grow. And when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away? > > ST. FRANCIS: Yes, sir. > > GOD: These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut > back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and > saves them a lot of work. > > ST. FRANCIS: You aren't going to believe this, Lord. When the grass > stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to > water it so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it. > > GOD: What nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees. That was a > sheer stoke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in > the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn > they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the > soil and protect the trees and bushes. Plus, as they rot, the leaves > form compost to enhance the soil. It's a natural circle of life. > > ST. FRANCIS: You'd better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn > a new circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great > piles and pay to have them hauled away. > > GOD: No. What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the > winter and to keep the soil moist and loose? > > ST. FRANCIS: After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy > something which they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it > around in place of the leaves. > > GOD: And where do they get this mulch? > > ST. FRANCIS: They cut down trees and grind them up to make the mulch. > > GOD: Enough! I don't want to think about this anymore. St. , > you're in charge of the arts. What movie have you scheduled for us > tonight? > > ST. CATHERINE: " Dumb and Dumber, " Lord. It's a real stupid movie about.. > > GOD: Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story from St. Francis. > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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