Health Advice

[Guest guest]

This is my kind of advice!

>>Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this

true?

>>A: Your heart is good for only so many beats, and that's it.

>>Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make

>>you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your

>>car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

>>Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

>>A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay

>>and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more

>>than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system.

>>Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green

>>leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended

>>daily allowance of vegetable slop.

>>Q: Is beer or wine bad for me?

>>A: Look, it goes to the earlier point about fruits and vegetables.

>>As we all know, scientists divide everything in the world into three

>>categories: animal, mineral and vegetable. We all know that beer and

>>wine are not animal, and they're not on the periodic table of elements,

>>so that only leaves one thing, right? My advice: Have a burger and a

>>beer and enjoy your liquid vegetables.

>>Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

>>A: Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat, your ratio is

>>one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

>>Q: At the gym, a guy asked me to " spot " for him while he did the

>>bench press. What did he mean?

>>A: " Spotting " for someone means you stand over him while he blows

>>air up your shorts. It's an accepted practice at health clubs; though if

>>you find that it becomes the ONLY reason why you're going in, you

>>probably ought to re-evaluate your exercise program

>>Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular

>>exercise program?

>>A: Sorry ... Can't think of a single one. My philosophy is: No

>>Pain-No Pain. (and remember if you want to stay in shape, Round IS a

>>shape)

>>Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around

>>the middle?

>>A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You

>>should be doing sit-ups only if you want a bigger stomach.

>>I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had

>>regarding food and exercise. Now go be good to yourself. Be healthy &

>>happy. Have a steak, drink some booze, then take a nap!