HUMOR: Youth-emisms

[Guest guest]

> The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying

> to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.

> " Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all

> grown up and say, 'There's ; she's a lawyer,' or 'That's

> ; He's a doctor.' A small voice at the back

> of the room rang out, " And there's the teacher. She's dead. "

> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

> JUST GIVE ME A MINUTE

> A kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children

> while they drew. She would occasionally walk around to see

> each child's artwork. As she got to one little girl who was

> working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl

> replied, " I'm drawing God. " The teacher paused and said,

> " But no one knows what God looks like. " Without missing

> a beat, or looking up from the drawing the girl replied,

> " They will in a minute. "

> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

> IMPORTANT COMMANDMENT

> A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten

> Commandments with her five and six year olds.

> After explaining the commandment to " honor thy Father

> and thy mother, " she asked, " Is there a commandment

> that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters? "

> Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family)

> answered, " Thou shall not kill. "

> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

> QUITE AN ACCOMPLISHMENT

> An honest seven-year-old admitted calmly to her parents that

> Billy Brown had kissed her after class. " How did that happen? "

> gasped her mother. " It wasn't easy, " admitted the young lady,

> " but three girls helped me catch him. "

> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

> FAMILY INQUISITION

> One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the

> dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother

> has several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her

> brunette head. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked,

> " Why are some of your hairs white, Mom? " Her mother

> replied, " Well, every time that you do something wrong and make

> me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white. " The little girl

> thought about this revelation for a while and then said, " Momma,

> how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white? "

> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

> LOOK AT THE LABEL

> A three-year-old went with his dad to see a litter of kittens. On

> returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother that there

> were two boy kittens and two girl kittens. " How did you know? "

> his mother asked. " Daddy picked them up and looked underneath, "

> he replied. " I think it's printed on the bottom. "

> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

> CIRCULATORY FACTS

> A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood.

> Trying to make the matter clearer, he said, " Now, boys, if I

> stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into

> it, and I would turn red in the face. " " Yes, sir, " the boys said.

> " Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary

> position, the blood doesn't run into my feet? " A little fellow

> shouted, " Cause yer feet ain't empty. "

> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

> NEW BABY

> For weeks, a six-year old lad kept telling his first-grade teacher

> about the baby brother or sister that was expected at his house.

> One day the mother allowed the boy to feel the movements

> of the unborn child. The six-year old was obviously impressed,

> but he made no comment. Furthermore, he stopped telling

> his teacher about the impending event. The teacher finally sat the

> boy on her lap and said, " Tommy, whatever has become of that

> baby brother or sister you were expecting at home? " Tommy

> burst into tears and confessed, " I think Mommy ate it! "

> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

> DEAD FROG

> A kindergarten teacher had a pupil tell her he had found a frog.

> She inquired as to whether it was alive or dead. " Dead, " she

> was informed. " How do you know? " she asked. " Because

> I pissed in his ear, " said the child innocently. " You did WHAT? "

> squealed the teacher in surprise. " You know, " explained the boy,

> " I leaned over and went 'Pssst.' He didn't move. "