Guest guest Posted June 4, 2001 Report Share Posted June 4, 2001 In a message dated 6/4/01 8:11:16 PM Pacific Daylight Time, IdahoJudee@... writes: << HI! I'M BACK! Love & prayers Judee >> Oh Judee.... I missed you so much!!!! Great to have you back again... loved the jokes. How are your dad and Kay? Hope are YOU?? Hope all is well. hugs C Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 4, 2001 Report Share Posted June 4, 2001 HI! I'M BACK! Love & prayers Judee > > > > An elderly woman went into the doctor's office. When the doctor asked why > > she > > > was there, she replied, " I'd like to have some birth-control > > > pills. " > > > > > > Taken back, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, " Excuse me, > > Mrs. > > > , but you're 72 years old. What possible use could you have > > > for birth control pills? " > > > > > > The woman responded, " They help me sleep better. " > > > > > > The doctor thought some more and continued, " How in the world do birth > > control > > > pills help you to sleep? " > > > > > > The woman said, " Simple, I put them in my granddaughter's orange juice > > every > > > morning and I sleep better at night. " > > > > > > THE JOKE THAT SPARES NOBODY: Ouch! > > > ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ > > > > > > This fellow had been suffering from excruciating headaches for some > time, > > and > > > finally went to a doctor. After a thorough exam, the physician > > > called the fellow into his office and said, " Well, I'm not exactly sure > > what is > > > causing your headaches, but we've found a cure for them: you'll > > > have to be castrated. " > > > > > > The man, needless to say, was taken aback, and told his doctor that he > > believed > > > he would try to bear the pain. But as time went on, the > > > headaches only got worse, and finally, the poor fellow was driven back > to > > the > > > doctor. > > > > > > " All right, I guess I'll have the operation, " he said. When it was all > > over, the man was understandably depressed, and his physician told him, " I > > > recommend you begin life anew. Start over from this point. " > > > > > > So the man decided to take the advice and went to a men's shop for a > new > > set of > > > clothes. > > > > > > The proprietor said, " Starting with the suit, looks like you take about > a > > > 38-regular. " > > > > > > " That's right " , exclaimed the man, " How'd you know? " > > > > > > " Well, when you've been in the business as long as I have, you get > pretty > > good > > > at sizing a man up " , replied the salesman. " Now, for a shirt, > > > looks like about a 15 long. " > > > > > > " Right again, " the man said. The proprietor suggested, " And for > > undershorts, I'd > > > say a size 36. " > > > > > > " There's your first mistake " , the man said, " I've worn 34's for years. " > > > > > > " No, you're a size 36 if I've ever seen one " , said the owner. The man > > replied, > > > " I ought to know what size undershorts I wear, and I'll take 34. " > > > > > > The owner replied, " Well all right, if you insist, but they're going to > > pinch > > > your balls and give you headaches!! " > > > > > > _________________________________________________________________ > > Get your FREE download of MSN Explorer at http://explorer.msn.com > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 7, 2001 Report Share Posted June 7, 2001 A little boy was overheard praying: " Lord, if You can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it. I'm having a real good time like I am! " ***** Three boys are in the schoolyard bragging about their fathers. The first boy says, " My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50. " The second boy says, " That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100. " The third boy says, " I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon. And it takes eight people to collect all the money! " ***** Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn't have to hear about the way his mother cooked. ***** An elderly woman died last month. Having never married, she requested no male pallbearers. In her handwritten instructions for her memorial service, she wrote, " They wouldn't take me out while I was alive, I don't want them to take me out when I'm dead. ***** A police recruit was asked during the exam, " What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother? " He said, " Call for backup. " ***** A Sunday school teacher asked the children just before she dismissed them to go to church, " And why is it necessary to be quiet in church? " Annie replied, " Because people are sleeping. " ***** A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to " honor thy father and thy mother, " she asked " Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters? " Without missing a beat one little boy answered, " Thou shall not kill. " ***** At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little ny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs. Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and said, ny what is the matter? Little ny responded, " I have pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife. " ***** Two boys were walking home from Sunday school after hearing a strong preaching on the devil. One said to the other, " What do you think about all this Satan stuff? " The other boy replied, " Well, you know how Santa Claus turned out. It's probably just your dad. " Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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