Check out Coping with Caregiver Grief

July 2, 2002

Barbara:

I took your advice and went to the recommended site.

Coping with Caregiver Grief is one of the most relevant write ups I have

seen on this list for me as a care giver. I sincerely second your

suggestion to all of our care givers. This is especially important for

those like me who started out thinking this was a problem with a

solution. Have I learned a lot, but still have a long way to go!

Since Terry was Dxed awhile back with MSA, it has indeed been a difficult

emotional challenge for me. I feel I have learned a lot from the

professionals in the Neurology Dept at UVa and from hands on experience.

Let me quote just one paragraph from the writeup; " I " in the following

paragraph is the " Author Unkown " :

" Some would certainly say: " Get over it, move on. " " I have " , I would

respond. " At

least I've gotten over the shock of it, the initial trauma. " But the

reality is that

caregiver grief is perpetual. It can't be tied up neatly in a bow. And

although we

move on; we function; we hopefully even dream new dreams and attempt to

achieve new goals, we are inevitably thrown back into grief each time there

is a

downward shift in our loved one's condition, each time we catch a glimpse

of what

our future might be like in the example of another family's life. The neat

bow we

tied around our pain begins to unravel and we grieve again, not in quite

the same

way we did the first time, or the second or the third, but in a way that

reflects who

we are now, at this time of our lives and in our current circumstances. "

I can certainly vouch for the perpetual nature of my own grief in our

ongoing situation.

I heartily - no pun intended - recommend your link to Coping with Caregiver

Grief.

Message: 3

Date: Sun, 30 Jun 2002 20:09:08 EDT

From: kmcrae@...

Subject: Check out Coping with Caregiver Grief

http://www.lib.uchicago.edu/~rd13/hd/coping.html " >Click here:

Coping with Caregiver Grief

I thought this to be of interest because we have had so many notes

from caregivers recently.

Love, Barbara

[This message contained attachments]

Sennewald Charlottesville, Virginia

July 2, 2002

,

Well said. Just when I think I've got my arms around this thing something

else happens and the wound opens again. Jean Lockhart (of " Jean and

Chrissie " ) says this is the hardest job we will ever do, and I agree.

Carol

(of " Carol & Rob " , speaking for myself this time.)

in steamy Lexington, MA

Check out Coping with Caregiver Grief

>

> http://www.lib.uchicago.edu/~rd13/hd/coping.html " >Click here:

> Coping with Caregiver Grief

> I thought this to be of interest because we have had so many notes

> from caregivers recently.

> Love, Barbara

>

> [This message contained attachments]

>

> Sennewald Charlottesville, Virginia

>

> If you do not wish to belong to shydrager, you may

> unsubscribe by sending a blank email to

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> shydrager-unsubscribe

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July 2, 2002

-Belinda,

Thanks for taking the time to send your thoughts and

best thoughts for better days ahead. and I joined

this list when we were first dx'ed and mostly just been reading

the past year. Have learned a lot on here and there seem to

always be so many caring and sharing people here. We have been

so busy these past two years trying to make plans for things

to be more peaceful when we reach more advanced stages with this

disease. Never ever dreamed the house would take so long, and

now in a not so good selling market. So a bit more in the line

of stress to deal with then peacefulness. However, while we were

sitting out on the deck on the new house tonight, we know it is there

when and if the house makes it across the finish line. There was very

little progress from last wed!! and we decided before we went up

that we would not be upset about it. There is a reason for all this

and think when all works out we will know why this has happened.

I have only known one Belinda in my life. Where are you from?

I am a native of Ann Arbor, Michigan. and I met in Montauk, NY

and have been married 41 years this year. Good grief does not seem

like it...been a busy life that is for sure.

God Bless you too Belinda,

-- In shydrager@y..., " belnorest " wrote:

> ,

> With all that you have going on it is wonderful that you are still

> trying to keep a sense of humor. You are right, that is important

in

> all the times we might feel like crying and we laugh instead. May

> your days gets better and your life easier.

> God bless,

> Belinda

>

> > > http://www.lib.uchicago.edu/~rd13/hd/coping.html " >Click

> > here: Coping with Caregiver Grief

> > > I thought this to be of interest because we have had so

> many

> > notes

> > > from caregivers recently.

> > > Love, Barbara

July 3, 2002

Dear :

Thank-you for your note about my post. It is so very true to what we

all go through. Coping with a progressive terminal illness in the person who

meant the most to me in the world was certainly the most difficult thing I

have been asked to face so far in my lifetime. However, as I think back over

the more than twenty years after Ken's diagnosis, there were many very good

times. We went to England and Scotland and Canada as well as all over the

Western United States. We went to Japan twice, and Ken even danced with a

Geisha Girl. We saw two of our children married and we watched four

grandchildren born and grow. We traveled in our trailer to Yosemite and

Borrego Springs each year until one year before he died. We met many new

friends who hadn't known us before Parkinson's and who didn't find it so hard

to see him as he had become. We tried many new remedies, some of which worked

miracles for a time and some of which were dismal failures. AND I grieved

each time I realized that he was going downhill a little every day. But we

always adjusted, and when it became time to have full-time help, we adjusted

to that. And when it was time for Hospice, we adjusted to that. And now, it

has been a year since he was finally released from this, and I have adjusted

to that, although that is still the hardest adjustment of all. From the day

we are born, we are asked, with help from our God, to adjust to both good and

bad things in our lives, and we do. The support we get from the people on

this LISTSERV is what gets many of us through. That is why I hate to see the

disagreements that arise here sometimes. We are all in the same boat, doing

the very best we can with what we are dealt and there is no place here for

judging how others do it.

Love, Barbara

July 3, 2002

Dear Barbara,

Thanks for the added comments about your travels and overall expansion of

your lives in the time you had with Ken. This was timely as just this

morning I was thinking it may be time to get a van and to start living and

traveling. For the last three years we have been engrossed in building a

one floor handicapped accessible house as we knew Terry's condition was

going to require it. [Would you believe we are having a cat fight with the

builder about the need to replace the entire roof?] Already the house is

paying dividends, but the problems with it have kept us tied down. So your

comments served to reenforce my thinking. Thanks again.

Message: 25

Date: Wed, 3 Jul 2002 11:23:28 EDT

From: kmcrae@...

Subject: Re: Check out Coping with Caregiver Grief