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  A girl walks into a supermarket and buys the following:

  1 bar of soap

  1 toothbrush

  1 tube of toothpaste

  1 loaf of bread

  1 pint of milk

  1 single serving of cereal

  1 single frozen dinner

  The checkout guy looks at her, smiles, and says, " Single, huh? "

  The girl smiles sheepishly and flirtingly replies, " How'd you guess? "

  He says, " Because you're ugly. "

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of

  years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him

  fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear

 100%.

  The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the

  doctor said, " Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really

  pleased that you can hear again. "

  To which the gent! leman said, " Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I

  just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will

  three times! "

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  Tom had been a compulsive worrier for years until he found a way to

  overcome this problem. His friends noticed the dramatic change. " You

  don't seem to be worried about anything anymore. "

  " I hired a professional worrier for $1000.00 a week, " Tom replied. " I

  haven't had a single qualm since. "

  " A thousand a week! " said Doug. " How are you going to pay him? "

  " That's his problem. "

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