Re: Check out Coping

[Guest guest]

Barbara, I hope you do not kind me joining in to your discussion. Before I

say any thing else I will say that I do not read many messages anymore, as I

did not join the group to make any negative remarks about members or to read

that sort of remark made by others. My purpose was to be positive in

support and I am not concerning myself with those who do not need it.

I still maintain that the site seemed to me to be dedicated to those

who are going through this terrible ordeal, both those needing care and

those who are carers, but I also believe, primarily for those who are

suffering at first hand. It is therefore all important that those people

are permitted the luxury of expressing their thoughts, their doubts and

their fears and discuss their experiences, without being inhibited by the

opinions of others who may have second hand experience, but who have not

been through the terrible difficulties first hand, for they do not and can

not ever fully understand the thoughts and fears of the people who are ill.

If some person who is suffering from the illness themselves sees fit to

criticise another who is in the same position, I urge them to reflect on

their own experiences and give the other person every consideration, as they

would expect themselves, if the situation were reversed. That way everybody

can gain. For any person who is not suffeing themselves, I sugest that they

" BUTT OUT " and leave the site to those who can receive comfort and really

help those in need as they ride this thing through. I see it as being well

and truely permissable for a sufferer ot carer to criticise a third party,

for many valid reasons, but under no cicumstance should it be used in any

negative manner toward those who most need support

Regards from Bill Pilgrim

Re: Check out Coping with Caregiver Grief

> Dear :

> Thank-you for your note about my post. It is so very true to what

we

> all go through. Coping with a progressive terminal illness in the person

who

> meant the most to me in the world was certainly the most difficult thing I

> have been asked to face so far in my lifetime. However, as I think back

over

> the more than twenty years after Ken's diagnosis, there were many very

good

> times. We went to England and Scotland and Canada as well as all over the

> Western United States. We went to Japan twice, and Ken even danced with a

> Geisha Girl. We saw two of our children married and we watched four

> grandchildren born and grow. We traveled in our trailer to Yosemite and

> Borrego Springs each year until one year before he died. We met many new

> friends who hadn't known us before Parkinson's and who didn't find it so

hard

> to see him as he had become. We tried many new remedies, some of which

worked

> miracles for a time and some of which were dismal failures. AND I grieved

> each time I realized that he was going downhill a little every day. But we

> always adjusted, and when it became time to have full-time help, we

adjusted

> to that. And when it was time for Hospice, we adjusted to that. And now,

it

> has been a year since he was finally released from this, and I have

adjusted

> to that, although that is still the hardest adjustment of all. From the

day

> we are born, we are asked, with help from our God, to adjust to both good

and

> bad things in our lives, and we do. The support we get from the people on

> this LISTSERV is what gets many of us through. That is why I hate to see

the

> disagreements that arise here sometimes. We are all in the same boat,

doing

> the very best we can with what we are dealt and there is no place here for

> judging how others do it.

> Love, Barbara

>

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