English Language

[Guest guest]

Reasons why the English language is so hard to learn

1. The bandage was wound around the wound.

2.. The farm was used to produce produce.

3. The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4. We must polish the Polish furniture.

5. He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6. The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7. Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to

present

the present.

8. A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9. When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10. I did not object to the object.

11. I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

12. The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

13. How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

14. There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

15. They were too close to the door to close it.

16. The buck does funny things when the! does are present.

17. A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

18. To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

19. The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

20. After a number of injections my jaw got number.

21. Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant

nor ham

in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't

invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while

sweetbreads,

which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we

explore its

paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square

and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't

groce

and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the

plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. ! So one moose, 2 meese? One

index, 2  indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not

one amend? If you have a bunch of odds

and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats

vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English

speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what

language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck

and send cargo by ship? Have noses

that run and feet that smell? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the

same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house

can

burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and

in which an alarm goes off by going on. English was invented by people,

not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race ! (which,

of

course, isn't a race at all). That is why, when the stars are out, they are

visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.