Help please... Interesting day

[Guest guest]

Hi all.

I need help. (So what's new?

I sit here, head bobbing, and fatigued.

My usual humor is not present, and was only there with effort after

lunch.

Something happened today, and now I am more concerned.

We are still on vacation - in Chicago.

We rode the train in from Naperville. That was neat! All enjoyed it

(especially my wife, who enjoyed the break from driving

First stop (by the time we got there) was eating lunch. We went up 7

flights of escalators, and then found out we were 5 flights too high

(typical for us

So, we took the elevator down.

As I awakened to vomit, and was still doing so in the train station,

I opted out of lunch. I rummaged through a food related store, and

did exit with a 40 cent biscuit (which I'm convinced was the best

bargain in the entire Water Tower Mall

I sat down, and checked in with my wife via walkie talkie. Due to my

weight loss, I opted to remain in the wicker chair in the courtyard

area, as opposed to the iron chair in the restaurant.

Not long after signing off... I pulled out my notepad (to make a

comment in it about my Mayo GI doc being wrong about not being able

to vomit after a couple of hours - because I'd spent the morning

throwing up food eaten the night before).

Half an hour later, I still had not one single word on the pad.

What I experienced was " interesting " to say the least.

I've had problems with my eyes spazzing. They were in full swing.

I've also had problems with poor visual-motor coordination. When I

did finally begin writing - it was very slow, and even then, I found

myself pausing uncontrollably.

I've had problems before with a numbing sensation that seems to run

my entire body - and has some pain associated with it - but this

cause jerking as well.

I've had head bobbing - and this was among my worst.

What was really odd, was that I was thinking - perhaps slow - but I

seemed to be thinking okay. I just couldn't get my body to

cooperate. Whether it was something someone said that deserved a

smile - or a comment... I

My vision was most often double. I could not bring it in - and

usually I can.

I remember sitting there - presenting in ways that were admittedly

embarassing, but really... I didn't care. I just didn't want to

move.

My family went to FAO Schweetz (the candy store) while my nephew

babysat me (sorry - but that's how it felt - and I have no idea what

he was thinking as he watched me - but... I must not have been too

entertaining - as he eventually fell asleep

When my family did return, my eldest daughter suggested they get a

wheelchair for me. My wife appeared to scold her for this (I was

still not " with it " ). The thing is... I WAS thinking that I would

like one.

This is not me. I am an independent man. I " do " for myself and my

family. I " do " more than I should, but I " do " anyway.

Anyway, I don't know what I want from you.

I really don't.

I'm confused.

I'd say I'm tired, and I am - but not all that much. No more so than

normal.

When we got home, I sat on the couch, and went back to a comatose

state. I recall someone saying that they thought it best I stay home

tonight - and the next thing I know is they're waking me up from the

floor (hours later) telling me that I need to go to bed.

I sit here, and my head is bobbing, eyes are seeing double, and hand

coordination is impaired.

I think I'm starting to get concerned.

A doc at Mayo told me I'd been lying to myself. Well, perhaps he's

right, but what good does it do to lick wounds?

Anyway, I am beginning to see where even my clients (I work with the

mentally retarded) might not want me working with them. Most of the

time I can cover things up - with humor if nothing else - but I fear

it may be reaching the point where this is no longer possible.

I am not ready to be disabled. Perhaps that is it. But, on the

other hand, I'm not relishing the end of this trip either. I'm

working some (very little) while gone, but I really don't know what's

going to happen when I go to an interdisciplinary team meeting and

display behavior similar to what I did today.

Guess I'll cross that bridge when I get there.

I think, in my own denialist sort of way... I have been saying to

myself that this would not come. I have refused to believe that it

is real. I've refused to believe that

Someone said that Sinemet has helped. Perhaps I'll give that a try.

I really had wanted to wait on that until it was a daily problem...

but then I realized after my internist's appointment last week - that

it IS a DAILY occurence (nowadays more often than not).

Gotta git. Having another episode. Didn't get to finish, and left

out much.

Anyway, what's up with this lack of desire to do anything during such

episodes. I mean, I am " content " to just sit and stare. Brain seems

to be working - even if rest of it isn't.

I know one thing I was going to add, was that I can usually shrug

this stuff off, but today's episode was significant, and long-lived.

Main brunt of it lasted over 1 hour, and actually effected me all

afternoon and on till now (wee hours of morning - and now running me

again - even after just awakening again - having gone " out of it "

right before this screen - oh great! - oh well

Catch you all later.

Thanks for any and all input.

Always appreciated.