Jump Start

[Guest guest]

Ive been reading the messages now for a few days .. on the jump start .. get

back on track ... lets lose weight, regain health, etc posts.

All the while lurking, nodding my head, saying yes, yes, lets do this .. and

then going to the kitchen eating cookies, chocolate, drivethru Mcs .. and

telling myself, tomorrow, tomorrow ... arghhh

The total frustration here is driving me crazy.

Anyway last night I think I was feeling so sorry for myself. Not today. I'm mad

at myself today .. I know I have an eating disorder and while thats there I have

to at least try. I'm not trying at all .. so I have only myself to blame.

Then last night I was reading a post on another board from a friend. I met her

apprx 11 months ago when I was due with my 3rd child. She was/is a very pretty

girl, tall but was fairly heavy .. I couldn't help think .. if only she lost the

weight .. well she did. In that time she went on a diet and has lost almost 100

lbs WITHOUT surgery. She weighs 136 lbs (my goal weight which I had reached at

one time post surgery) and here I was smiling thinking crap I'm an idiot. Had

this surgery and fubar'd myself so bad I weigh more than she does and started

out close to the same weight ...

So that was a wake up call but I bet she isn't eating the junk I am thats for

sure ..

Anyway ramble, ramble

I tossed most of the night and up at 5 am because the guilt and despair was just

drowning me.

So I am going to try HARD to get on track today. I'll take it hour by hour if I

have to and constantly tell myself to stay calm, do this, you can do this and

hopefully get through the worst of it in the first few days and then find myself

calmer, more peaceful. I'm going to start taking my antidepressants as well and

see if that will help kill the ED cravings.

Anyway no real point here other than I am delurking and hoping this will not be

just another " tomorrow, tomorrow " post

Lyssa

open rny 6/22/99

240/136/153

start/goal/current

[Guest guest]

Lyssa,

Don't beat yourself up too much. The first step in ANY recovery is

admitting that there is a probelm, so see, you've already made that

first step. I think that people on here that are posting what they

are eating is GREAT. Think about doing that. I'm going to start.

Because if I know that everyone is looking at my menue, I may think

twice before popping that [insert BAD food here] into my mouth. I

just had my breast reduction on wednesday, and am just now getting

over the post anesthesia nausea. So, after that is over and I can

really eat, look for my posts.

The support here is really great, I am glad I found you all.

> Ive been reading the messages now for a few days .. on the jump

start .. get back on track ... lets lose weight, regain health, etc

posts.

> All the while lurking, nodding my head, saying yes, yes, lets do

this .. and then going to the kitchen eating cookies, chocolate,

drivethru Mcs .. and telling myself, tomorrow, tomorrow ...

arghhh

> The total frustration here is driving me crazy.

> Anyway last night I think I was feeling so sorry for myself. Not

today. I'm mad at myself today .. I know I have an eating disorder

and while thats there I have to at least try. I'm not trying at

all .. so I have only myself to blame.

> Then last night I was reading a post on another board from a

friend. I met her apprx 11 months ago when I was due with my 3rd

child. She was/is a very pretty girl, tall but was fairly heavy .. I

couldn't help think .. if only she lost the weight .. well she did.

In that time she went on a diet and has lost almost 100 lbs WITHOUT

surgery. She weighs 136 lbs (my goal weight which I had reached at

one time post surgery) and here I was smiling thinking crap I'm an

idiot. Had this surgery and fubar'd myself so bad I weigh more than

she does and started out close to the same weight ...

> So that was a wake up call but I bet she isn't eating the junk I

am thats for sure ..

> Anyway ramble, ramble

> I tossed most of the night and up at 5 am because the guilt and

despair was just drowning me.

> So I am going to try HARD to get on track today. I'll take it hour

by hour if I have to and constantly tell myself to stay calm, do

this, you can do this and hopefully get through the worst of it in

the first few days and then find myself calmer, more peaceful. I'm

going to start taking my antidepressants as well and see if that

will help kill the ED cravings.

>

> Anyway no real point here other than I am delurking and hoping

this will not be just another " tomorrow, tomorrow " post

> Lyssa

> open rny 6/22/99

> 240/136/153

> start/goal/current

>

>

>