humor from george relles

[Guest guest]

The phrase “working mother” is redundant. -Jane Sellman-

***********************************

Whatever women must do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half

as good. Luckily, this is not difficult. -Charlotte Whitton-

***********************************

If you can’t be a good example, then you’ll just have to be a horrible

warning. - Aird-

***********************************

During a recent vacation in Las Vegas, a man went to see a popular magic

show. After one especially amazing feat, a man from the back of the theater

yelled, " How'd you do that? "

" I could tell you, sir " , the magician answered, " But then I'd have to kill

you. "

After a short pause, the man yelled back, " Ok, then... just tell my wife. "

***********************************

Young Son: " Is it true, Dad? I heard that in some parts of Asia a man

doesn't know his wife until he marries her?

Dad: " That happens in most countries, son. "

***********************************

[here are some more slide-splitting similes...warning: they should be read

only in small doses]

Bob was as perplexed as a hacker who means to access

T:flw.quid55328.com\aaakk/ch@ung but gets T:\flw.quidaaakk/ch@ung by mistake.

- Ken Krattenmaker, Landover Hills

Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever. - Unknown

He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree. - Jack Bross, Chevy Chase

The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry

them in hot grease. - F. Hevel, Silver Spring

Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the

grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left

Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19

p.m. at a speed of 35 mph. - Hart, Arlington

***********************************

THE " FORWARDER'S " 12 STEP PROGRAM - EVERYONE SAY IT WITH ME ...

I will NOT get bad luck, lose my friends, or lose my mailing lists if I

DON'T forward an email!

I will NOT hear any music or see a taco dog, if I do forward an e-mail.

Bill Gates is NOT going to send me money, Secret doesn't know

anything about a gift certificate they're supposed to send me.

Ford will NOT give me a 50% discount even if I forward my e-mail to more

than 50 people!

I will NEVER receive gift certificates, coupons, or freebies from Coca

Cola, Cracker Barrel, Old Navy, or anyone else if I send an e-mail to 10

people.

I will NEVER see a pop-up window if I forward an e-mail ... NEVER --NEVER !!

There is NO SUCH THING as an e-mail tracking program, and I am not STUPID

enough to think that someone will send me $100 for forwarding an e-mail to

10 or more people!

There is NO kid with cancer through the Make-a-Wish program in England

collecting anything! He did when he was 7 years old. He is now cancer free

and 35 years old and DOESN'T WANT ANY MORE POST CARDS, or GET-WELL CARDS.

The government does not have a bill in Congress called 901B (or whatever

they named it this week) that, if passed, will enable them to charge us 5

cents for every e-mail we send.

There will be NO cool dancing, singing, waving, colorful flowers,

characters, or program that I will receive immediately after I forward an

e-mail. NONE, ZIP, ZERO, NADA!!

The American Red Cross will NOT donate 50 cents to certain individual dying

of some never-heard-of disease for every e-mail address I send this to. The

American Red Cross RECEIVES donations.

And finally, I WILL NOT let others guilt me into sending things by telling

me I am not their friend or that I don't believe in Jesus Christ. If God

wants to send me a message, I believe the bushes in my yard will burn

before He picks up a PC to pass it on!

Now, repeat this to yourself until you have it memorized, and send it along

to at least 5 of your friends before the next full moon or you will surely

be constipated for the next three months and all of your hair will fall out!

Just Kidding...