Re: Re: Dreading people's reactions...

[Guest guest]

Jacque wrote:

> From the

age of 8 onward, I had a mother convincing me I was " BIG " and " FAT " ...I

have pictures of myself at those ages, and I wasn't

Jacque, me too! I was cleaning out my parents' house last spring after

my mother died, and found some pictures of myself as a kid. Totally

contrary to what my parents told me, I was *not* fat, and I was *not*

huge, and I did *not* have an enormous belly! In fact, the first time I

saw one of those pictures, I thought, " Wow, how did a picture of my

daughter get in here? " She is a lovely, tall 8-year-old who holds

herself with the grace of a ballerina. But I grew up believing I was

huge, big-boned, ugly, and ungainly.

> in my head, " it is only a

matter of time...so don't get used to this " ....kind of mentality?!?

Yep, again, this is something I experience. The last time I came within

spitting distance of 200 lbs., I was there for approximately five

minutes before I started regaining. The thing that has surprised me (so

far) about WLS is that I've been hovering around the 155 - 160 mark now

for nearly three months. Three whole months at one weight! Can you

imagine? (Yes, that was a note of sarcasm you detected there.) The

thought that this might be, after all, my permanent weight...well, I

frankly just don't believe it.

> I, even

as a kid, learned to look at gifts from my parents with dread...because

there were always strings attached to them.

I call these " elastic band gifts " -- the elastic band is attached, and

may spring back at any time, whipping the gift out of your hands and

back to its " rightful owner " . Been there, done that, got the scars

(even though they're not visible on the outside).

You're right that a lot of this stuff needs to be countered just by

internal self-talk; and we need to realize that we're not in that

helpless little kid place any longer. We're (gasp!) the GROWN-UPS now!!

We get to make our own decisions, and one of the decisions I've made is

that I am going to take care of my body from now on. Another is that my

parents, for whatever reason, thought it was best for me to convince me

of my hugeness -- I think they thought that if they were always on my

case about it, I would avoid my father's (and my grandmother's)

lifelong struggle with weight. Surprise, surprise...it didn't work! So

my decision around this is that I no longer believe what they said

about me -- I believe what I see with my own eyes, and perceive with my

own body. And although right now that's a little bit skewed, I'm

hopeful that it will eventually iron itself out. I hope the same is

true for you.

I.

--

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

RNY September 19, 2001

Dr. Freeman, Ottawa General Hospital

BMI then: 43.5

BMI now: 22

-152 lbs

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

[Guest guest]

The thing that has surprised me (so

> far) about WLS is that I've been hovering around the 155 - 160 mark now

> for nearly three months. Three whole months at one weight! Can you

> imagine? (Yes, that was a note of sarcasm you detected there.) The

> thought that this might be, after all, my permanent weight...well, I

> frankly just don't believe it.

whats even more weird is going from season to season and year to year and

the clothes still fit. I've never owned the same clothing for 3 winters - I

might actually wear out some jeans some day which would be a first.

sue

[Guest guest]

> what's even more weird is going from season to season and year to year and

the clothes still fit. I've never owned the same clothing for 3 winters - I

might actually wear out some jeans some day which would be a first.

> sue

ON that note.... for the first time in my life I have worn through a hole

on a pair of my (fav) jeans -- truly a first!!! They are only 2 years old

but I wear them a lot and I was able to go to the store and buy another

pair, same style, little different on the shade of " stone wash " but same

jean to actually " replace " a pair of jeans... totally new and wonderful

experience... along with a very small " need " to add anything to my closet

this year because all of last years stuff fits.

On and along those lines for the first time I am having to learn how to

store cloths from season to season in dress bags and so on so they don't get

all dusty and unwearable for next year. I am sure their are people who are

used to doing that but it is a first for me!

Since it is finally getting cooler here (S. Texas) I am now learning about

how to store my shorts and summer cloths so they will be and stay nice for

next summer... a whole new and different type of closet thing going on but I

have to admit it is fun to learn even if it is more work... it's better than

just shrugging it off knowing I'd have to go get new sizes next year anyway.

So many new things to learn but what a blessing...

hugz,

~denise