Guest guest Posted December 26, 2002 Report Share Posted December 26, 2002 Vicki: You can't put a time limit on grieving or even control it for that matter. Both my parents are gone, my dad died 19 years ago last week and my mother will be gone 9 years on Feb. 3. Though the day to day things get easier as time goes by, when you least expect it, you may get hit with the blues. It's just a fact of life. This tiime of year I miss my mother terribly, but I just plug along and get mysef involved with holiday things and the kids help to distract me. Doesn't mean I didn't have a good cry this morning because I miss her. Spending time with Tim's mother and father yesterday certainly didn't help that. They make me miss her even more. You just have to go with the flow and you'll see, you'll start to enjoy the holidays again. It may take awhile, but it will come. Have yourself a good cry every now and then. Think about the people you loved and miss, but if it starts to take over your life, maybe you should see a grief counselor. It does get better. It just takes some people longer than others. Hope this helps. All the best, Regina Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 26, 2002 Report Share Posted December 26, 2002 Just want to reiterate what others have said, everyone grieves in their own way. Everyone grieves for different lenghts of time. Give yourself permission to grieve and feel bad. It is OK. Give yourself permission to be angry...this too shall pass. When you suffer a loss......the loss never goes away. You just learn to live with it, but at times it comes back and slaps you in the face!This is ok too. Three years ago Jan 31st I had instant instructions into sudden loss when we lost 's daughter to Alaska Flt 261 off the coast of Los Angeles. This time of year is ALWAYS a little unstable. Some years have been better then others. The only thing I can say for sure....is that each year is different. So, if you feel you need time alone. DO IT. But recognize the signs if the only thing you want to do is be alone.......for TOO long. Crying a lot is ok too........for a period of time. You will know when you think things MIGHT have gotten out of hand. Seek out a grief councelor should this happen. OH YEAH....and I forgot to fess up about the chocolate candy I had today. Sheesh Debbie in Gig Harbor ladybostons@... www.paws2print.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 26, 2002 Report Share Posted December 26, 2002 Dear Vicki, I lost my Mom three years ago, and the pain does lessen with time. I dont know what to tell you , since that was before my wls.. and I was able to deal with grief differently then. I have , however, experienced the loss of some dear friends in the past few months. What helps me is to know that they are no longer suffering from the illnesses that caused their deaths and that they are in a much happier and beautiful place... and that one day , I can be re united with them.. I hope and pray that your grief and pain eases with each passing day.. and I will continue to pray for you.. Kindest regards, from GA open RNY 12/12/00 Revision 04/18/01 Revision 02/07/02 St wt.... 392 Cw.......187 Wt loss..-205 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 26, 2002 Report Share Posted December 26, 2002 When my mother died in 1978, then grandpa followed her 6 months later....it seems that's when death started in my family, as there really wasn't anyone close to me that died previously. To me, with each death, it has blown a hole in my heart. The hole never fills in...but the edges around the hole do heal, so it isn't as painful. That is what takes time. After mom and grandpa, I can't even tell you when the others died...my two grandmas, my aunt, my great aunt...I know my father went this last January...but don't know that I will remember it...it is all a muddle to me now. So, in a way, I guess that's good, as the anniversary dates don't get me like they would if I could remember them. I just blanked them out. I'm now working on healing those two new gaping holes in my heart, the one left by my dear sweet little cousin..whom I found out this week died from arrhythmias due to hypothyroidism...(great..huh? a familial thing! Mom went the same way at about the same young age!) and my best friend who we learned had a brain tumor in September, and went the beginning of this month. I guess that's why it all gets muddled for me...it's just too much sometimes...so my mind defends itself by blanking it out. Regards~ Jacque > Have yourself a good cry every now and then. Think about the people you > loved and miss, but if it starts to take over your life, maybe you > should see a grief counselor. It does get better. It just takes some > people longer than others. ´¨¨)) -:¦:- ¸.·´ .·´¨¨)) ((¸¸.·´ ..·´ -:¦:- Jacque -:¦:- ((¸¸.·´* www.jacquemiller.gasupusa.com Discount Gasoline! Save 21% with a Costco-like membership! Ask me how! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 27, 2002 Report Share Posted December 27, 2002 Vicki, When my mom died 13.5 years ago, it was pretty tough. The numb blue feeling you're talking about stayed with me a long time. Lots of people said I was depressed and should go get drugs, but I kind of resented that. Was I supposed to leap up after the funeral, smile at everyone, and get on with it? I was 21 for crying out loud, no way! Not to mention that I learned something huge and devastating about my mother a few hours after her funeral, from her sister and sister-in-law... That was harder for me to deal with than her death, actually, but it certainly complicated things. Grief is a time-consuming process but it made me and the remaining family much stronger in the end. Living with Death and Dying by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, and the rest of her books, in particular, Death: The Final Stage of Growth, were really helpful to me. I can't remember who got those books for me, but they really honor the process and help you to understand it. http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0684839385/juliamoseleysh0 5/103-4611147-4908646 Grief makes people nervous. They're not sure what to say to you and they want to make it better or make it go away. Kinda like fat makes people nervous... In fact, in lots of ways, that analogy is pretty strong. But you don't need surgery to get rid of grief. :-) Just time. And respectful remembering of the person who's gone. And when you're ready, remembering all the good times with them. Hang in there, Ziobro Open RNY 09/17/01 310/128/125 Wet blanket I know we've had a few people here lately who've posted about losses of close friends, fathers... But how do you break free of the wet blanket feeling? The death of my grandmother, whom I loved boundlessly, is the first time I've had to deal with grief this deep, plus I don't have substance, aka stuffing my face, to numb me out. All you guys kind of posted and then faded away regarding this subject. Maybe it's too personal. But I sure could use the words of someone who went before me. I just can't seem to shake the blues. Should I sit with it, or should I try to get out of it? This sucks. Feeble smiles, Vicki A. Homepage: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Graduate-OSSG Unsubscribe: mailto:Graduate-OSSG-unsubscribe Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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