Out of control eating dying grandma and that darn fistula!

[Guest guest]

Kristy, Just my 2 cents worth. You are not having the surgery because you

are not ready to give up on this binge. Unfortunately, nothing, no surgery,

no couseling, nothing, can help you until you reach bottom. Your posting

sounds like you are nearing bottom. You are not eating too much, you are

just binging on all the wrong foods. You are not just gaining weight, you

are losing good health.

For me, the only treatment, is cold turkey on the carbs. Nothing else works.

Please believe we are all here for you no matter how long it takes.

Fay Bayuk

[Guest guest]

I am going to be totally honest here because I want to hear from all

of those that have went on an eating frenzy after wls. I eat way

too much and all the time. Breakfast today consisted of oatmeal

raisin cookies and OJ. Then I ate cookies all day and soup for

lunch. Dinner consited of more cookies more bread dip and Fritos

birthday cake washed it all down with sweetened ice tea. I eat

cookies, sweets, and junk all day and can't stop it's getting out of

control. I eat all the time despite the fact that now no matter

what I eat I get pain of some sorts. Was just with the solid

protein so you all recommended the soft carbs well now they hurt

too. Liquids do to some extent too. If I tell my surgeon this he

will want to do surgery right away. I can't I have to work and

spend some more time with my dying grandma. I just found out her

bed sore has gone down to the bone but the good news is it's not

infected yet. The physical pain from the fistula is not as bad as

the emotional pain so is that why I eat? I am not sure. I have a

very high tollerance of physical pain wish I had that much

tollerance of the other types of pain. My friends don't understand

and can't possibly know how this all affects me. I can't wine and

complain in their presence about the surgery or the weight gain. I

quit wearing jeans like did because I am not going to buy

bigger ones and I keep telling myself all the weight I gained back

will be gone as soon as the fistula is removed. My grandma is in

more pain now and actually asking for pain meds she would never do

that before. Oh it's going to be so hard when my great Aunt Dorthy

leaves to go back to Tennessee tomorrow. She has been staying with

us for a few weeks now and really helping and comforting my

grandma. I am so greatful that my grandma's sister was able to be

here for my grandma's 88 birthday last Friday and able to spend

Christmas with us too. They haven't seen each other in over a year

and a half since my grandpa's funeral and that was just right after

my grandma got out the hospital after a 63 day stay. My counselor

recommends journaling, exercising, and having a quiet time. I just

started trying to journal last night before going to bed. I am just

going to have to work harder with him to find out everything that

triggers the out of control eating. I have a hard time expressing

my emotions and like to keep it all inside. I don't even know what

I am feeling sometimes as I can only recogonize anger and sadness I

know there are others I just don't dwell enough on them. When

friends ask I just say I am angry and leave me alone. I know anger

is not a primary emotion so why is it the first one that comes to

mind or the only one I can recogonize? I think I have said enough.

I think I will try and journal later tonight too. I have got to get

control what will it take reaching 200 lbs I am already back to 190

from an all time low of 155.

Kristy

[Guest guest]

Dear Krissy,

I don't know the " why " you had surgery -- it might help to write about

that. Journaling is good. I " had " the surgery after loosing my brother 3

years ago to a massive heart attack at 39. No pre-warning at all... just

" bam " and he was gone. Everyone, both sides of my family have had the major

heart attack by the time they were 42 (most don't die from it) and I just

turned 42 in November. If I don't have a major heart attack I'll be the

first. Ah, don't let me forget to mention we are all obese, both sides

w/heart disease running rampant.

Those were my thoughts when I got out of control and began gaining the

weight back -- my " goal " to get past 42 without the major heart attack or

even a minor one... based on the food choices I was making I was setting

myself up for that heart attack. I was on that eating frenzy and like you,

am still not sure what all the emotions were that were tied into that but

anger does seem to be on the top of the list for so many of us because it is

easy to identify... a dear friend told me that anger is just pain turned

inside out. I began to dig deeper to see where that pain was coming from.

What is it that hurt SO bad that I was in effect committing slow suicide by

eating the things I was eating -- the weight gain aside the foods were so

un-heart healthy that... well, it was pretty bad...

The menu you sent -- the food choices are pretty bad... but, if your going

to do the eating frenzy, and I'm thinking at times we really can't just cold

turkey that urge think about changing your choices. You'll have to run to

the grocery store probably but it would be worth the trip...

>>>Breakfast today consisted of oatmeal raisin cookies and OJ.<<<

Use splenda or other SF to sweeten your oatmeal, put the raisins in your

oatmeal and drink SF Tang instead of OJ.

>>>Then I ate cookies all day and soup for lunch.<<<

Try making some turkey pepperoni chips in the microwave to munch on all day

instead of the cookies or get some SF cookies, try cheese bites or grab a

tray of cut raw veggies at the grocery store with a least harmful type of

dip to munch on. Get creative on your munch foods so you can eat them but

not harm your health or your weight from them.

Soup for lunch is probably ok but it doesn't " stick around " very long to

give you a " full feeling " -- maybe a bulk protein food? Chicken breast

skinned and baked, broiled or if it needs to be a fast food even fried and

remove all the outer stuff just eating the meat.

>>>Dinner consisted of more cookies more bread dip and Fritos birthday cake

washed it all down with sweetened ice tea.<<<

" Toss your cookies!!! " And I mean throw them in the trash -- Try some Pork

Skins (found in the chip area) Popcorn (easy to pop in the microwave) If you

gotta have the chips try some Pringles that are low fat or some type that

are baked and not fried...

Not that your going to stop the eating frenzy just adjust the choices so

they are not so harmful to your health for right now. If you can just make

some better choices right now then later, as you wean yourself from the

frenzy it will be easier and this 'bout with food won't have such a negative

health effect.

>>>If I tell my surgeon this he will want to do surgery right away. I can't

I have to work and spend some more time with my dying grandma. I just found

out her bed sore has gone down to the bone but the good news is it's not

infected yet.<<<

I had to do that -- I had to stay with my Daddy till the end and that was

what I needed to do for me. About all I could get down were my protein

shakes and vitamins and that's still about all I can get down but yesterday

I had a eating frenzy -- was truly hungry for a few hours and was really

glad that all I had in the house was " healthy choice " kind of food -- I sent

the rest home with my mom or tossed it so the frenzy happened but didn't

cause nearly as much harm physically as if I'd have had all that left-over

food to dig into.

My husband got a LOT of home made candy, cookies and fudge and chocolate

covered cherries and such for c-mas because he can eat all that stuff

without gaining a pound. When my family left he took it and put it all in

the trunk of his car and he'll be kind enough to take it to his office and

leave it there -- I have NO control over the chocolate covered cherries and

if they are " here " I'll eat them no matter how sick I get.

>>>The physical pain from the fistula is not as bad as the emotional pain so

is that why I eat?<<<

No answers here but can understand the feelings if your primary care taker

of your Grandma and your there daily watching -- part of that feeling for me

and my Daddy was anger that no one else in my family was " there " to help me.

When Hospice took over his care they teach the family members how to do the

" care " and that meant me and my Momma and my Mom is partially disabled and

unable to do so much of the physical care taking that it left me alone to do

it. My dad has two older kids, one in LA and another a few hours drive away

and I was angry that not only were they not there to help me the last few

weeks but they haven't been here the last few years either... My oldest

brother did come in the last few days and sat up with my dad through 1 night

so I could sleep a bit on the cot they brought in for us... that was nice

but it was only 1 short night of relief.

I still get angry / hurt / overwhelmed now that everyone is gone it will

just be me again to take care of my mother. It is a huge responsibility when

we are in the position of taking care of our parents at the same time we are

taking care of our children (we have a 5 year old too that needs a lot of my

time...)

The one " relief " time I know I can fall back on is going to the gym (alone

time for me) going to my Yoga class (again, alone time for me... de-stress

time) The problem being I have to actually get out of my PJ's and drive

there to take that time for me *sigh*

Kristy, all I can tell you is that you'll get your health back and your

control back when the time is right for you -- until then, do what you can

to make the choices of what you eat healthy ones... you do need to keep up

your own health in order to be there for your grandmother, for yourself...

choose healthy and you'll at least feel better about the choices your

making. Less guilt that way too.

hugz,

~denise