Loss and depression

[Guest guest]

Vicki wrote:

> I just can't seem to shake the blues. Should I sit with it, or

should I try to get out of it? This sucks.

You're right, Vicki, it does. Suck, that is. I've actually lost two

parents in the past year and a bit, and I can tell you that the grim,

sad, buried-in-grief part does last quite a while. How long I cannot

tell you, because it varies with each person and each relationship, but

it will be with you a while. The way I try to think of it is this: if

you didn't feel yucky for a while, what would that say about the depth

and breadth of the relationship you shared with your grandmother? In a

way, your grief and bad feelings right now are a testament to the

importance of that relationship in your life. You are honouring her by

grieving for her.

Of course, not all grief is that straightforward. For some of us

(myself included), the death of a parent or other close relative can

bring up all kinds of negative memories and emotions, and these need to

be processed before the books can be closed, too. But whichever way

you're experiencing it, you can't push the river, as they say. You can

only give yourself the time and space to grieve as you need to. When

I'm able to do this, I find myself turning to food less, and just

allowing myself to feel. It's only when I get caught up in " I *should*

be doing/feeling this or that " that I start to get anxious and bogged

down, and start eating to quell my anxiety, or give myself energy, as

the case may be.

Take care of yourself, Vicki, and allow those around to you help you,

in what ever ways they can.

I.

--

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RNY September 19, 2001

Dr. Freeman, Ottawa General Hospital

BMI then: 43.5

BMI now: 22

-152 lbs

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