Re: new to group, 9-11-01 surgery date...

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 12/29/02 11:14:36 PM Central Standard Time,

chandrankids@... writes:

<< on Nov. 22, 2001 they told me my baby girl was dead. >>

------------------------------------

Chandra,

I have no words of wisdom or even comfort for you. How totally awful and

gruesome and horrible. All I can offer are my tears for you and your lost

little one, and the hope that somehow a reason will manifest itself, and that

you will face this grief with strength and fortitude and be there completely

for your other children. I cannot possibly empathize with you bcuz I have

never lost a child. I can only imagine how difficult this must be for you.

May the new year bring you peace and a strong resolve.

Carol A

[Guest guest]

Chandra: I am trying to formulate my words to you. Losing a child, a fiance

and surgery on 9/11. It saddens me just writing it down, I can't possibly

imagine your pain.

All I can say about guilt, is that it exists whether we are there or not. My

nephew drowned in the pool many years ago. The parents and 8 other adults

were there. The pool was on a lower level and the music was playing and

everyone was helping to clean up from the party, they were hosing down the

patio. so no one heard him. What I am feebly trying to say is that had you

not had surgery, you still might not have been able to prevent the accident.

Another member of AMOS wrote of her child drowning, while someone else was

watching the child. I can't remember her name, but perhaps, if you are

interested, you can post to the message board.

Please take Ceeps offer of help. She is amazing

Love to you and your family.

Fay Bayuk

[Guest guest]

Well, dear, dear Chandra, first of all welcome to our group and you

have done so well on your long journey with gastric bypass, there is

no doubt.

It made everything I own hurt to hear about your little girl. I am so

very sorry this has happened. It is nowhere near long enough to not

still be immediate everywhere you look, think, act. If ever you would

like to write to me privately you are welcome; we have lost two

children in our family, my first born daughter and my youngest

daughter's first born little son. We all have massacred hearts that

look/act relatively normal most days. It eases up Chandra. But, it

takes much time to return from 'that place'. Be easy with yourself as

you can. I extend a warm embrace to you, a special touch, mother to

mother.

love,

[Guest guest]

Oh Chandra, I don't know what to say. There can be nothing more terrible in

life. My heart goes out to you.

Big hugs,

in NJ

[Guest guest]

Chandra,

Welcome to the group.

I can't imagine the pain of losing a child, I just want to reach through my

computer and hug you.

There are some wonderfully wise folks on this list. It seems there is

rarely anything new to these folks. I found some really great answers.

God Bless you,

Margie in New Mexico

RNY 9-7-01

252/135ish

---- Original Message -----

To: Graduate-OSSG >

Sent: Sunday, December 29, 2002 9:06 PM

Subject: new to group, 9-11-01 surgery date...

> Hello All,

> My name is Chandra, I am new to this group. I had my LAP RNY on Sept. 11,

> 2001.. (what a great day for surgery huh??) I had some complications. In

Oct.

> my opening closed and had to be scoped and dialated.. that went well..

> However in Nov. 2001 I had major pain, went to the ER, and was sent to the

> regular hospital in town. My surgery was done in Gulf Port Mississippi by

Amy

> Rose. But I lived in Vicksburg MS, and when my complication arose I had no

> time to be sent back down to my surgeon. They did emergency surgery on me

(I

> had a hernia, and also had scar tissue wrapped around my intestines,

cutting

> off circulation.) They called the Dr. out of surgery with someone else to

> take me back. I was in the hospital for a week, got home around the 14th

of

> Nov. 2001.. Well I was still on strong pain meds, and trying very hard to

get

> down a whole can of ensure a day.. not succeeding very well. My mother in

law

> was staying with us to take care of my kids.. 5, Noah 2, and Jonah

1..

> On Thanksgiving day Nov. 22, 2001.. I tucked them in for their naps and

then

> took my pain pill and then went to bed. I woke to hear her calling them

in...

> *I had told her A MILLION TIMES to not let them out alone!!! I heard her

ask

> Noah where is your sister, he mumbled " pool " I jumped up full of panic,

and

> ran out of my room.. she had him washing his hand, I said Noah where is

your

> sister, he started crying and said in the pool.. I ran out we had 2

neighbors

> with pools, ran up the hill first she was not in that one, then I ran

down

> and she was there floating. I screamed and fell down. The people were

right

> there at their back door, and came running out and jumped in and got her

out

> and began CPR and called the ambulance. They continued trying to revive

her

> at the hospital, but at 605 pm on Nov. 22, 2001 they told me my baby girl

was

> dead. My world really had come to an end.. I was still so weak from

surgery

> that this really made me want to just die.. and I questioned God why? I

had

> nearly died while waiting to be taken to surgery, why didn't he take me

then

> if he was going to take my child a week later?? It has been 13 months, and

1

> week now since she graduated to heaven. Not a minute goes by without me

> thinking of her, and missing her and wishing so bad I could turn back

time..

> I have to focus though and I know she would be so sad if she saw how very

sad

> and depressed I can get at times. I still have the 2 boys. Noah is in

> counseling because he saw her actually drown. He is doing much better now

> then I could have hoped for in the few months he has been in.. I can't say

I

> am over the anger, somedays I am, somedays I am not. I just know that I

> cannot use food the way I used to to deal with this. It has been harder

> lately with the holidays, and just passing her 1 year angel day. I am

coming

> to this group mainly to lurk, and see how others are dealing with other

> issues without the food.. and just to try and get in the swing of things..

It

> is so hard I feel so guilty at times, I would much rather be 2 x as big as

I

> was and still have her then be skinny without her. She once told me she

> wanted to grow up and be a circle like me.... now she will never get to

grow

> up at all... here is her website should anyone want to see an Angel...

> http://www.babiesonline.com/babies/m/myangelsarah

> I knew before to never take life for granted (I was engaged in 1991 and

my

> fiance fell off the side of his ship and hit the deck 40 ft below and

died...

> I thought nothing could be worse... till I lost my little girl.) Happy

> Holidays to all, kiss those kiddos, and give lots of hugs! ~~Chandra in

> Oklahoma

> Lap RNY beginning wt 327 now 172 hoping for 145 (been stuck for months!)

>

>

> Homepage: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Graduate-OSSG

>

> Unsubscribe: mailto:Graduate-OSSG-unsubscribe

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Chandra, I am so sorry to hear about your baby girl. I can only imagine

how hard that must be. Does not sound like life has been kind to you

this last year. I would like to welcome you to this group and hope that

you find what you are looking for here. This truly is a great group of

people and very supportive.

Lori Owen - Denton, Texas

CHF 4/14/01 479 lbs.

SRVG 7/16/01 401 lbs.

Current Weight 302 lbs.

Dr. Ritter/Dr. Bryce

[Guest guest]

Chandra, having been in a position where a child was lost I can

sympathize. I hope you can find a good home here. The group is at times,

funny, serious, over the top, argumentative (like most large

families)and just darn silly. There will be loads of good information

heading your way. Don't lurk too much. Just jump in and put your two

cents worth in. The more you participate, I think, the better you will

feel. You said your son was getting counseling, I hope you are too. This

is not something you can deal with all on your own.

Debbie in Gig Harbor

ladybostons@...

www.paws2print.com

[Guest guest]

Oh, Chandra,

Your story cut right to my heart. I lost my little brother back in

1944. He never made it home from the hospital: neonatal death from

something I have never heard of, pemphigus. I am fortunate in a way,

because unlike poor Noah, I never knew my brother and was

unassociated with his death, so I don't think that I ever had to cope

with guilt feelings, as I am sure Noah must be doing--poor little

munchkin. All I can remember was that Mom came home from the

hospital and was bedridden for a while, as was to be expected for a

Cesarean section in 1944. But, she was never the same until her

death in 1970. There was a melancholy that lurked in the background

of her consciousness, and it never really went away. Back in those

days, counseling help was for " crazy " people, and " sound " people just

found a way to suck it in and go on. I do hope that you will be able

to find help and support and that you will achieve a peace that my

Mom was never really able to find. Certainly we will offer you

whatever support we can muster on this list.

You have heard from several of the female stalwarts on this list.

There are some great men here, too, but most must still be at a place

where they cannot get to e-mail easily. (I am just about ready to

retire --end of next week-- and I leave work really early to train

for the event!) I do hope that some of the other guys will chime in,

too.

My love to you and to your grieving family,

Steve (age 62)

At 11:06 PM -0500 12/29/02, chandrankids@... wrote:

>...I heard her ask

>Noah where is your sister, he mumbled " pool " I jumped up full of panic, and

>ran out of my room.. she had him washing his hand, I said Noah where is your

>sister, he started crying and said in the pool.. I ran out we had 2 neighbors

>with pools, ran up the hill first she was not in that one, then I ran down

>and she was there floating. I screamed and fell down. The people were right

>there at their back door, and came running out and jumped in and got her out

>and began CPR and called the ambulance. They continued trying to revive her

>at the hospital, but at 605 pm on Nov. 22, 2001 they told me my baby girl was

>dead. My world really had come to an end...